I will warn you and all my readers, this will be long. Even the length of this letter will not do my love for you any justice. I do want to get this on here for you for the years to come, and if anything ever happened to me I want you to feel my love, so here it goes......
You turned four this year in August, and here I sit in November typing you this letter. I am sorry the days get ahead of me, but know that it is because I am trying to spend my real time with you and your brother and sister.
Gen, you are so wonderful. Your Daddy and I sit and talk about you guys often and when we get to you all I can say is Genesis is so cool. You are our cool cat. What a well rounded little lady you are. You are truly incredible. I want to tell you why.
You are a great helper. If I am cooking, cleaning, doing whatever, you are right there wanting to help. Even the dishes are fun for you. There is a little stool you use at Mimi's house to reach the sink and you wash away for her. Just last night, at 11 PM I was folding some laundry. Out of the room you come in your cute pajamas, with your hair all brushed and shiny, and you tell me you want to help. I tell you that is late and I am almost done, and I quietly ask you to go back to bed. But, you are quite sassy, so you politely inform me that you do not need rest because you have no school tomorrow! I am of course right, but sometimes, I think it is beneficial as a Mom to let things go when the time is right, and it was right. I tell you that you can sit with me for 10 minutes. You eagerly abide. In my heart I couldn't make you go right back to bed when all you wanted to do was spend some time with me. I love these moments.
Genesis you are joy. You bring us all such joy because you are so cool. Another reason why is that you posses so many qualities that appeal to the masses. You can throw a football better than your brother, yet you beg to wear lipstick and carry a purse, you are such a girly girl, very prissy. Your preschool teacher just described you last month as "wicked smart", you are so sweet, funny, and kind. You want to wear skirts, and you have NO trouble climbing a rock wall in one either. You want to wear a baseball cap, yet the hair underneath it has to be neatly brushed back in order for that to happen.
You love fairy tale movies. All things Disney Princesses, and Barbie. Yet, you love to watch Tyler's dino movies and "guy" stuff with your Dad. What a pleaser you are. The cool thing is, it is totally YOU.
Clothes is a big deal to you. This worries me for the future, but right now it is precious. You actually ask me for things in particular. "Mom, I need a jean skirt" ," Mommy, I need sneakers with blue in them because my other ones are more pink" Things like that come from you all the time! Tyler begs for a toy at Target, but you want that pink top. It is so sweet. You also know how to match your clothes. You go in there and study the closet, and it takes you forever, but I kid you not, you come out of there with the cutest outfits that you put together. It matches down to the shoes, and you even match your panties to your clothes as best you can!! WOW! One time you went to school in your school clothes (which was very cute mind you), but after school we were going to the RBC center to watch the Live Dinosaur Show. You knew that and the night before you said, OK I will wear that to school but you have to pack me something better to wear to the show. You picked out a dress and tights. How could I say no?
Have I told you that you can kick Tyler's butt too? Your Daddy loves to watch you guys tumble around. You are rough and tough, and can take care of your self, another way cool thing for such a little girl. Tyler really adores you. The two of you are inseparable, I have never seen anything like it. You resemble twins in the way you know each oher. Its magic. Bella is lucky too. It took you a while to warm up, but now you call her your baby. You concern yourself with her and I am just so proud of you baby girl.
You love pictures. You tell me you want to be a model because pictures are fun, but then you think about it and look at me and say, but never mind Mama, that is a boring job. I asked you how could meeting tons of people and travelling the world being in pictures be boring and you responded that standing there for a camera is wasted time. It was juvenile enough, but if I look at that in an adult perspective, and I think I may know what you mean! You mean, you want to do more than stand there (which is what you think modeling is) Really, I think you should too, you are SO ACTIVE, you are always doing everything! That doesn't keep you from asking me for a "photo shoot" out of nowhere! THIS IS TONS OF FUN!!!!
Rocking out in the car is a must for you. You have your own CD's that your Daddy makes for you with your favorite songs on them. You love Hannah Montana, Taylor Swift, Jonas Brothers, Michael Buble (this one is for your Daddy, see you are a pleaser) and I think you told me your favorite now is Colbie Calliat. She is one of my faves too. You know all her songs, we sing her tunes together, there are great memories there! Your favorite song right now is Jason Castro's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. That is typical of you. You want to believe in fairies, ponies, unicorns, and magic and rainbows. I am glad that you believe. Whatever you believe in will be your foundation, your core, and it is beautiful. Taylor Swift's new video for Love Story, is one that you love. You loved the song and when I shared the video with you last night, you were delighted. All you could do was talk about love, and her hair and her gorgeous gown.
You love your gymnastics and ballet and tap classes. Your face lights up when you talk about them. You can not walk like a normal person either! Instead, you take 5 steps and then do a forward roll or something in the direction you are going, you make me nervous baby that's for sure. You are so flexible and good at it though, what a cutie! The Olympics this year were a highlight for you, I enjoyed watching them with you. I guess I should bite the bullet and sign you up for the horse back riding lessons you have been begging for.
All my life I have 0nly dreamt of a daughter. When I was pregnant with Tyler I wanted a boy, got my wish! In my heart though I just thought I would never have a daughter because I wanted one that bad. On the day of your ultra sound I told your Dad, well lets go see our boy. He and your aunt Vikki said, nope this ones a girl. I didn't think so. When she said it was a girl, I could feel my hands get sweaty, my legs go numb, my heart was doing flips, and then you were there, just like that. With the sound of your heart beat and the kicking of your little feet, my first tear fell. It was big and full and warm and I can feel it running down my face until this day. I didn't want to blink, I didn't want to stop staring at the screen. I was going to have a daughter, I could almost see the pink, and lace, and good times ahead. Little did I know that even my imagination couldn't dream up something as big as you. Your smile lights up a room, Julia Roberts has nothing on you! The bounce in your step, your clumsy ways, your heart of gold, I could never imagine such perfection.
I was elated for months. A daughter, a daughter, a daughter. Oh you have got to see your nursery honey. It is all I envisioned and more. It was beautiful. So girly. We worked so hard on it, your daddy on my beckon call trying to make me happy about it. He did. When I was little, I would say like 10, I went to a Christening and one of the babies there was named Genesis. I loved the name. I was little, it impacted me, it was different, and that little girl was gorgeous. Your Dad knew that story and so your name would be Genesis. I had doubts. It is so out there. I didn't want people to make fun of it. Or for you to be out casted in some way because of it. Dad got really upset about it and would hear no part of it. He said my dream was happening now, and I wanted Genesis so there was no negotiating. He was completely correct. You are here you are Genesis Nicole. So new, so fresh, so different, so mine. I love to see peoples reactions to your name now. They either love it or hate it, no in between. I don't care, but it is funny. Pastor Dial loved it though. I was so glad to see the joy on his face as he repeated your name over and over at your baby dedication. New beginnings, that is you.
When I picked out my wedding dress to marry your Dad 10 years ago, it was an ordeal. I needed that perfect dress. I found it, I worked hard for it, I bought it, I wore it, I loved it, it was my fairy tale. Now you love fairy tales, and brides, and dresses. About two weeks ago you were watching some brides on TV and you began to question me on wedding dresses. I answered you and then the day I only dreamt of came, you wanted to see mine. Every woman with fairy tale wishes wants their daughter to maybe use her dress or some of it, wants their daughter to try it on, it's just a full circle moment. You gave me that on that day. I took it out, and you should have seen your eyes and jaw drop. Oh Genesis you were in heaven. You simply couldn't believe that it was mine. You held the tulle, you tried to measure the length of the train, you played with the head piece. If I die tomorrow, I had one of my dreams come true right before my eyes, even though you are just 4. This came much sooner than I ever imagined and it came in a way I couldn't have planned on. I told you that you could have that dress if you wanted it. I know very well that by the time you need it, it will not be what you want though. I explained to you why you would want your own. How it would be outdated (gees, it already is) You understood, but you still were perplexed. I told you that you could use the head piece or any other part of it that you wanted, but that I really think you wouldn't want it in its entirety. Of course, you disagreed, but we will see. At least when I told you that there was so much material in that dress and that you could have it tailored to your liking, and there would still be some left for Bella, you said, OK Mom, the crown is mine, and the bottom (the tulle stuff is at the bottom, very princess like) is mine too. Bella can have the top (the bodice) and half of the train. You are the greatest.
Can I share one more with you? I have so many, these are just my favorites. Last week I was very tired and sleepy in the morning so on the way to leaving you at Mimi's house I asked Daddy if he could get me some Starbucks. He said no because we were running late. That day I actually left Daddy at work first since the other car was getting fixed. Once I left him you said to me "Did I hear you say Starbucks"? I say yes I did. You replied "well, why cant we go now"? Well, you are right, why not!? You were grinning ear to ear in your princess booster seat with your bling sun glasses on. I pulled in the drive through and you say, here we are at the Starbucks yummmmmmmm. I got you a children's size white hot chocolate. Of course you thought it was a white chocolate mocha, but hopefully you will not know I did that until much later when you read this. You are my partner in crime. Coffee is a passion for you. You are even beginning to know the difference between Caribou and Starbucks drinks. I am probably creating a monster but the funny thing is I didn't. You pick all this up somehow on your own. How lucky for me. More dreams come true.
Genesis you are so many things to so many people. You are your Daddy's Princess. His little girl. My Doodlebug. My cool cat. Grandma's Star. Mimi's little helper. Grandpa's Love. Nana's Princess Doodle. Tyler's "Nene" and Best Friend. Bella's "girl power" leader. You are in the center of my heart, always. You are our Genesis.
Gen, you were made just for me. I really believe that. How else can you be so perfect? You are my soul mate, you complete me, I look in your eyes and I see a stronger, better, smarter, kinder version of me. What an honor you are to have in my life. You are my mini me, just new and improved. The sky is the limit for you. I can't wait to see you go on this journey called life and see first hand just where it takes you--or better said, where you take it. Never let dreams slip away from your fingers, if you lose that fairy dust, you will never get it back. It melts, disappears and get sucked in by the air and earth, so hold on tight. Don't look back and keep that dust in a jar in your heart, locked up tight.
I love you my darling daughter, more than I can ever express. Like you always say "Girls Rule, Boys Drool". You are a beacon of shining light.
I love you,
Mommy
PS After I took you to the spa for your birthday we took you to take these gorgeous pictures since you looked so beautiful and you love photo shoots. I hold these close to my heart always.
The song below is Martina McBride's. You can take it very literal. It is not every day you find a song the exactly expresses the way you feel from top to bottom like this. This so perfectly expresses more than I could have ever said.
In My Daughter's Eyes
I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives mestrength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes
