Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Eight. 8. Ocho. Anyway you say it, I don't like it. Eight definitely removes any chances of being called a baby. Eight means going into third grade. Eight means no longer paying as a child in some places. Eight means you can play on a 3d DS. Eight is how old my first born turned on June 18th. Eight. Can time just slow down? Not an option is it? I wanted Tyler so badly, and then he was here, and now he has been here for eight years, in just ten years he will be EIGHTeen, WOW. If my words are messy, it is because my mind is messy. Wrapping my mind around him being 8 is something I am still working on. Tyler is such a great kid I just cant imagine him any bigger!

He did have an INCREDIBLE birthday though. We celebrated my little mans day at his Martial Arts school, and had a lot of his classmates join him. He enjoyed every second of it to the max. We also took him to the movies, and his choice for dinner was Red Lobster. What a sweet heart. He was wonderful. The joy in his eyes was great for me to watch. He was so thankful and excited about his friends, and gifts, and his special day. Daddy and I splurged and got him is coveted 3D DS. He is in love!! His friends got him all sorts of cool things and he is in present heaven. It is hard to believe that he will be in the third grade in just a few days!!

Eight means I will hug him tighter. Eight means I will volunteer at his school more often while he still lets me. Eight means I will get healthier to be here for him. Eight means I will read more bed time stories. Eight shows me that no matter what the number, he will always be my baby.

I love you Tyler Jon Lara! You are still my happy place and I adore you. There are no words to describe it. Always.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Trying this again!

Hello world! I am so bummed about being gone for nearly a year. I cant believe it! Time really has flown by. NO JOKE! There has not been one month where I didn't think about writing, I just never got to it. No excuses. Interestingly enough, when I started to blog it was to find myself a bit and remind myself what matters, and here I am again. Same boat. Blogging helped keep my life in perspective and now I am hoping to achieve the same result. A little bit of Zen just through some ideas, thoughts and words. My mind is cluttered, and this helps me sort it out. I am sure I lost any readers that I had in the past, and that is OK. Maybe they will come back, and maybe I will find some new ones to inspire me through the moments that matter the most. This first post will be the toughest simply because I don't know where to start. Deep breath.....

Work has been crazy. It has been a whole new overhaul here in the past year, and it is finally getting back into a groove, it is stressful to say the least. Kids activities have been crazy too. Mimi had another big surgery, my sister, her fiancee and niece moved in with us because of some family issues and we have been non stop. One thing after another. I feel like I need to wear a protective suit to block some of the obstacles thrown our way, and still I am not sure if that would help!

I always thought my life was crazy with the three kids when they were smaller. Three in diapers, three active happy toddlers, and I thought that when they got to school things would slow down for me. I would have more consistency. Alas, I was wrong. I have never been as overwhelmed as I am right now. The kids are currently 7,6 and 3 and I am going crazy! This has been the hardest year by far for keeping up with schedules and appointments and classes etc. Tyler and Genesis are doing so well in school, but school is the equivalent of another full time job for me as it turns out! School equals deadlines, projects, homework, studying, events, extra curriculars, WOW. I am spread so thin these days. I never sleep, there is always something to do. If I don't do everything when they are asleep then it simply doesn't get done. John and I are usually up until at least 1am doing chores, laundry, cleaning, or even trying to catch up on each other, we cant seem to get it in if it isn't in the wee hours of the night. My health has taken the brunt of it. I am always tired and fatigued, and have been worried about what was going on. Doctor found that I had high blood pressure, and I have just started some meds for that. This can be the reason for a lot of the tiredness, and headaches etc. I am working on that right now. Taking my pills, and drinking as much water as I can, and changing my diet. I want to lose another 8 pounds by the end of this month. Fingers crossed! I am working at it. I want to feel better and do right by my children. They need me, they deserve me, and even if I don't always feel like it, I really do matter. Isabella said it best, she looked at me last night and said "Mommy, thank you for loving me". OH MY GOODNESS, she took my breath away. If she only knew that it was my pleasure and honor to be allowed the opportunity to share with her and love her the way that I do and always will.

Isabella is my little diamond in the rough. She is this little fairy like whimsical child that I can not get enough of. She has a head of dark hair that is gorgeous and a complexion to die for. She looks like porcelain. She loves all things dance; and dolls, the ultimate little girl in all ways! She doesn't waver on her preferences. She cant hear a tune without shaking her bottom, and she loves to sing as well. She acts her age and I relish her innocence and purity as I know all too well how fast that dissipates. She is the baby in the house and she knows it. Her brother and sister dote on her and baby her. Genesis is known to lose it on her every now and then, but I say with confidence that it is not as much as I would have thought and that makes me grateful. Though I can hear Gen's voice echoing in my mind right now saying "Bella why do you keep following me!?" in a very frustrated big girl voice. Funny stuff, Genesis will go room to room saying that, but this head of hair and big grin just keeps popping in at every door her big sister opens, and it so reminds me of growing up with my sister. Bella is almost done potty training. She wanted NOTHING to do with a toilet! She loves being a baby! This past week though she has been doing so well on her own accord. I think she was just ready. I didn't rush it on her or try much at all as I did with the other ones because I thought I had bigger fish to fry, and when they are ready, they just are. Whew, I was right. Sure, I could have done this months ago, but the stress wasn't worth it to me, though I felt guilty about it. As a parent you want to follow the time lines, and do it all the way the books say, sometimes it just doesn't happen, but that is OK too. She is ready now and she is using the potty pretty regularly and sporting her Dora panties. She is a happy girl, and I am thrilled! Now she can be in ballet pretty soon which she is so excited to do!

Genesis. Oh Genesis. My hands are full with her. She is a trip. Genesis is my helper. She will do anything and everything for me. She is a great help with Bella and is constantly with her sister helping me in anyway that she can. I feel bad sometimes because of it, but really, I don't ask her to help me or watch her sister, but she is always wanting to help me. She just does it. Some days I don't know what I would do without her tiny hands helping me. I try to tell her how proud and thankful I am of her, and she keeps helping so I am in hopes that means that she knows how much it means to me. She is my attachment, she is always with me, right by my side. I hope it NEVER changes. She is into her hair now, mostly braids. I braid her hair and it is my joy to do so. She wants me to curl it too, and she asks for a different hairstyle everyday. This week she "really needs to get her bangs trimmed". She is getting a lot more stubborn with her clothes. Sure she always had to pick it out and is very into fashion but now we are talking shoes, purses, and matching bracelets. She is all over that. She will give me a hard time if it is something she doesn't want to wear. It is a clear reminder of how hard teenage girls will be. I'm not ready! Her IPod (a fake one) is always with her, as is her camera. She lives older than she really is, a very young 6. I am trying to slow her down a bit, she is one of a kind. Genesis' best trait right now is her determination. If she puts her mind into something, it will happen. Gen was below average on reading and spelling at the beginning of this year (1st grade) we were always working with her as was her incredible teacher, the last quarter BAM she is at level. She read for hours, made me read with her even when I thought she had read enough. Her prayers included asking to be promoted to 2nd grade and promising to work hard. She did. Stayed up until 10PM some nights working on programs her teacher sent to help her. She never gives up. She is even writing poems now! Her teacher is amazingly proud of her, as I am. Genesis tries that hard at everything that means something to her. She works for it, demands accomplishments and works harder than most adults I know at everything she does.

Tyler is my BIG baby. I mean BIG! He is HUGE these days! Almost as tall as me, and just a big boy. I am really torn up over it. I really am. He is so big and handsome and smart. I cant imagine that I had him 8 years ago. I can almost still smell him, I can feel him, and I just wish I could hold him one more time. I want to carry him up the stairs when he falls asleep on the couch, but I cant anymore. It may sound pathetic but it is really hard on me. I have issues letting go of things, and he is my first, my only son, and I just blinked and he is all grown up. Tyler is the sweetest most gentle soul that I have ever met. He will do anything for anyone. His heart breaks for animals, the earth and people. He is a giver. His heart and soul are filled with love for everyone and everything and it shows. He likes to analyze everything, and his questions always start with "Why". Oh boy, I have to brace myself when I hear that word coming from his little mouth. He never makes fun of little kids or teases. EVER. He shares, gives, and lets people take. He is always the one helping his pals out and being the good guy. I do hate it sometimes because he can definitely get taken advantage of and I want him to know the difference, but it isn't necessarily a trait I want to take away from him either, so I am in a tight spot most of the time. John is toughening him up so he can look out for himself too, but the way he is shows me that he will be a good father and husband and leader one day. His compassion is admirable at his young age. His teachers are always smitten with him, I'm glad I'm not the only one! His grades are still great and he can pretty much read anything, and very well. His 8th birthday is in just 5 days and he is getting ready for that. He is so excited. At the top of his list is the Nintendo 3Ds , we will see. He is definitely a gamer. Just another sign of the times and how big he is getting. I think I will be a wreck Saturday, this one is hitting me hard and consuming me.

Ty and Gen have both been doing TKD for almost a year now. What a great sport. Tyler isn't really into sports, at least not playing them, and this was a great way to get him some spirit, and some exercise. He is reluctant to go sometimes (because he feels he has better things to do) but most of the time he is OK with it. He works hard at it, and is doing so very well. He has surprised all of us by his diligence. He is now a green belt and this weekend at his tournament he placed 1st in Form, 1st in board breaking, and 2nd in sparring. Genesis was a natural from the start. She is a ninja. She is this pint sized ball of energy. This is right up her alley. She also did great this weekend, she earned 1st place in form, 1st place in sparring (she tore a little boy up, ha, I was so happy, GIRLS RULE), and 2nd in board breaking in her division. They are doing awesome! Tae Kwon Do is really time consuming, they go at least twice a week, but most of the time at least 3, but I think it is worth it. They get to do it together yet separate if that makes sense, and the benefits have been wonderful. They boost their self confidence, meet a whole new crowd of friends and it is great exercise. Lets not even talk about self defense, John is ecstatic over that. Especially with his beautiful daughter, she can certainly take care of herself now.

That is about it in a nut shell. I am really looking forward to writing again and keeping up with my blog. I missed it dearly and cant wait to write again!

Peace and Love,

Friday, July 9, 2010

"I'm Back" to "First Days"......

Oh how I have missed my blogging!! Life has been so crazy as usual and I lost my Blogger mojo. I hope it is back! I had to get my life's rhythm back first and I think everything is on the right track. I have missed so many fun things that I need to catch up on, like Tyler's Birthday, our Summer, etc...but I cant wait to share.

In the mean time, today was a bittersweet day, it was the first day of school. My second grader so handsome and almost as tall as I am, my first grader with a flower in her hair and growing to be so independant. We get there with my arms full of school supplies and little hands, I leave empty watching Mom's crying to their cars, finding myself joining them. I thought this year would be easier, and although it was, it wasn't bullet proof. My heart still escapes my body and stays right there with them. I suppose that will never change.

This poem makes me cry every time...though it is about a little girl, and definately relates to my daughter, the premise is completely applicable to both of my little people, and seemingly it will apply for every first day. Grab your tissues and join me.........

Dear World,

I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy blue dress with two brown eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I trust you'll treat her well. She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. Never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proper, she'll wave a young independent hand this morning and say "goodbye", and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now, she'll learn to stand in lines and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for sounds of school bells and deadlines, and she'll learn to giggle, and gossip, and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way, and she'll learn to be jealous.

Now she'll learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a hot summer day and watch an ant scurry across a crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. she'll worry about important things like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friend is whose. She'll forget her blocks and dolls, and now she'll find new heroes. For five full years now, I've been her sage and Santa Claus, pal and playmate, Mother and friend.

Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers, which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest, greatest woman in the whole world. Today, when that school bell rings for the first time, she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group, with all its privileges and its disadvantages, too. She'll learn in time that proper ladies do not laugh out loud or kiss dogs or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms, or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the summer sidewalk. Today, she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends, and I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long lonely journey to becoming a woman.

So world, I bequeath to you today, one little girl in a crispy blue dress with two brown eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a flash of brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.
I trust you will treat her well.

(...and yes, her dress was blue!)


Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Everlasting Comforter

When my sister and I were growing up we used to share a room until I was about 14 years old. It was then that my parents finished the addition to our child hood home, and all of us siblings had our own rooms. I remember going shopping for our decorations and furniture and it was an exciting time. My sister was about 10 then, and our Mom picked out her comforter as I recall, and I thought it was ugly. I think Vikki may have thought so too, but that is blurry in my memory.

This comforter ended up being the softest most yummiest comforter ever. It was white with squares in it, the sides of the squares were all different colors. This comforter went with us on the couch to cuddle for movies, on road trips, and all other sorts of adventures. Somehow this blanket lives here with me today. I think Vikki may have left it here when she moved in with John and I when she graduated high school.

I love this thing! I still use it on the couch for TV time, and it is still as delicious to this day..actually it's better. We use this comforter to make forts, to sit on when we do something on the floor, the kids even love this thing. Every once in a while, it makes me smile to see them on this almost 24 year old blanket. They are growing up with this comforter that their Mom and Aunt loved as children, and they are using it the same way they did. Pretty neat.

Today this comforter was a star.l I picked Tyler up from school because his teacher called to let me know he was sick. First thing he did when we walked in the door is grab that comforter and head for the couch, Same thing we would have done as children. At dinner time he was cold so he and his sister used it to lay over their laps as they ate. This thing was new back then so Mom would never have let us do that, but still, the point is the blanket makes us feel good.

At bed time, Genesis was in her jammies and Bells wanted to play with her....she runs to get her attention, I am down the hall just watching them. The best part of my day was to hear Gensesis say "Bella, do want a blanket ride?" I didn't quite know what she meant, but Bella said yes. Bella runs to the tiled kitchen and waits, then Gen comes along pulling this long colorful, hideous comforter behind her and lays it on the floor. Bella proceeds to sit in the middle of it with her big sisters help. Gen then simply pulls her around the kitchen! Bella is cracking up and holding on! I know this can lead to big trouble, but I let them have their fun for a minute as I watched in the background. It looked like great fun!

This comforter still gets washed and used and is going to be with us a lot longer I think! It has proved over and over that it still has some life in it, great buy Mom!! My only wish is that Vikki and I would have thought of the grand blanket ride idea!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


This St. Patricks Day I realized that............

  • My daughters do not own much green clothes at all. Genesis has some shorts, but it was still too chilly for that, so jeans it was. As for her top, that was rough, but we dug something up. Hair bows were an even bigger challenge! I don't think green would be a good addition to Gen's wardrobe with her skin tone, but Bella would look cute in green I think, so I will have to get some! Gen went with clear sparkly nails with tiny green gems on them, she was adorable.
  • Daddy and Gen worked on her project for school that was due today last night. She was to design and build a trap to catch Lenny the Leprechaun that has escaped in her classroom. They put together a rainbow made out of cardboard with a pot of gold at the end. When Lenny opens the treasure he will see that it is fake and the door comes down and traps him! Or so we hope, we will have to see how it goes, it was definitely the cutest project ever though. She was so proud to take it to school today.
  • Isabella was conceived exactly three years ago today! Sorry if that is "TMI" , but it was much too memorable to forget the exact date. It was a good night! I really didn't care much about St. Patty's Day until 2007. From then on, we will CELEBRATE! Haha......
  • There are only 3 more days til Spring 2010. I cant wait for some blue skies and warm sunshine. The kids are excited to play outside more, and we are looking forward to nice walks with Koda Brown and the kids.

Anyone having some green beer tonight? I am not sure I will get to enjoy one myself, but the kids and I are making Shamrock Smoothies :0). Just mix some skim milk, sugar free lime sherbert, vanilla extract and two ripe bananas (or yogurt) in the blender and enjoy!! I hope my little Leprochauns like them! I will call these "shakes" so they think they are terrible for them and love them! Works every time!