One of Those Days

I miss my kids today. There was a beautiful snow falling this morning when John had to scoop them out of their warm bed and drop them off at their Grandma's. I know it is better than day care and I am so lucky, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't make me feel any better. The truth is that Grandma is not Mama, that's all. I am selfish and greedy and want them all for myself. I would have given just about anything to stay with them today, play in the snow with them, and then make them some hot chocolate.

We could have spent the afternoon playing that board game I promised to play with them a week ago. We could talk and nap, color or bake. We can have Koda Brown's first birthday party that we have yet to celebrate (we bought him doggie bones, and toys, and a birthday hat, I just haven't had the "time"to get to it), I could help Tyler with the science experiments he has been dying to try, and help Genesis bling out her journal. I am sure Bella would love to open her last couple of Christmas gifts she hasn't even gotten to yet.

I am at work. Working for them--holding my heart in its place until I can see them again. Which all I will do is boss them around when I get to them anyway. My few hours with them sound like this............ "Take a bath." "Brush your teeth.", "Pick these things up" "Time for bed" and then poof, day is over.

A friends status today on Facebook: "...............misses the peanut today. I don't know how moms who work full time do it. Hats off to you ladies!!!"
Well----DISLIKE!
Sweet status, I see what she means. She means well and is happy to spend some off time with her child. We all are. For the Mom's who do not have a choice but to work, we understand the amount of sacrifices that come with it. For the Mom's who can stay with their kids, please, please, please, make every second count, for all of us. But in the mood I am in today, what I really want to say is....keep your hat on, you don't know how we do it, because we really don't. We have to fake it.

Yes, I know this is not neccesarily true. No, I dont think we fake it, I just sometimes feel like it. I do it, all of it, and I am tired and I am broken because on days like this, I feel guilty, I want to be home with my kids. Concentrating on being an even more fabulous Mom. That is after all, all I ever wanted to do. I just cant do it the way I would have liked to.

OK, OK, I am talking shit bc I am having a super bad day, and cursing like a sailor. I can see that. Of course we working Mom's do it, we are fucking awesome. Aren't we? I guess I will just have to reflect on this when my heart isn't so heavy. Whether we work or not, being a Mom is the hardest "job" out there, but the rewards are immeasurable. Work hard, play hard, love your kids, and in the end, we will have the same product. I have to believe that.

Back to work, lunch is over.