A Beautiful Mess

Christmas can really leave you feeling kind of,well, scrooge like! John and I work and work all month getting "ready" for Christmas. There are lights to put up, a tree to trim, old toys to go through to make room for new ones, gifts to buy and wrap, food to make, a house to clean, by the time the 25th rolls around you are exhausted to say the least. To top it all off, all that effort seems like it was in vain, by the time the 26th is here, the house looks like a wreck! I am really not kidding about this either. I can barely concentrate today just thinking about all I now have to do.

The house looked really gorgeous with all the decorations up, did I mention I LOVE our tree this year? The trees in the kids room were so pretty too. All of our gifts were finally wrapped beautifully under the tree after our marathon on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning. The doll house was built. The bathrooms were sparkling. The ham was ready. Finally, Christmas can come. It did just that, came and went. We even had (still have) family in from Miami, so there are currently 6 kids under 6 with us! We can definitely see the impact of the the kiddos too. Last night while I was exhausting my last little bit of energy trying to "tidy" up I realized I needed to get over it. Who the hell cares about all the mess. As picked up I saw so much beauty in all of it. It first hit me when I came across the children's pajama's.

• As I picked up mounds of clothes, I neatly folded the kids Christmas PJ's from the nights before. They were matching ones, they were so adorable! First were Tyler's. The bottoms were so long, he is so big I thought. This was his 7th Christmas, it was so surreal. Then came Gen's same PJ, smaller size, but still, the pants were long, reminding me of how tall they are getting, yet these were little. Gen is so petite. Lastly came Belle's. The smallest of the three, but she is so tall that the top can probably fit Genesis. There laid 6 matching pieces. I remembered their smiling faces, lighting up on Christmas morning in their matching PJ's. They were too sweet. I didn't put them in the laundry, I left them on the chair in my room. I just wanted to look at them.
• I then attempted to clean up the playroom a little bit. No way though, it was quite the feat. What a mess! Not with new toys though, the old ones. I tried to tip toe through the endless piles of their treasures. Did what I could, didn't make a dent. Then I smiled. The reason it was torn up is because the kids and their cousins had a sleep over the day after Christmas. There were 5 cuties on the floor in their sleeping bags. It was the cutest site ever. They watched movies, played with flashlights, ate popcorn, threw crap at each other, and were up until about 3AM. WOW! John and I listened in for about an hour through their monitor. We were cracking up at the things they were saying and doing when no one was looking. They are good kids, they deserved that time together. Bonding. Playing. Growing Up. What memories they built right there on that covered floor. I was happy for them!
• Whew, moved on the Ty's room. Just a week before it was all neat and tidy, his tree sparkling on his dresser. Now his new toys lined the floor and his train table. I saw big boy toys now. A flat screen TV, DVD player, DSi, books that he can now read to himself, games, etc. Still his passion however, dinosaurs! Lots of them scattered about. There is my baby I said to myself! There he is right there in Dino Land as he calls it. On the way out I turned off the light, and looked in one more time, made me tear up a bit. There was his train table and Thomas the Train bed, two things he desperately wanted a few years ago, and now the two things he is wanting to get rid of and trade for a big boy loft bed.
• On to the girls room. Double Trouble! This pretty pink room has clothes galore. The joys of being a girl starts young! There were clothes everywhere! That was all I was able to pick up! I then stacked their new toys in two different piles, one for each daughter. I felt happy in this room. I wanted to play with Gens new baby station, and her Hanna Montana dancing game, I wished I fit into her new pink cords. I chuckled at the two different piles, two girls yet worlds apart. Mickey stuff for Bella, and Rock Star things for Gen. Bella got a new Ariel doll, boy is she cute, I cant wait to open that one with her tonight. Their tree is lovely, adorned with a Princess tree skirt and ornaments, it is pink of course. Gen still loves it, Bella calls it the Little Mermaid Tree. I am grateful they get to share these sorts of things and memories. I just feel good in their room, and it feels good to know that they do too.
• Downstairs I washed Christmas platters, put away Christmas mugs, threw away left overs, and emptied the dishwasher only to fill it again. I hate picking up the kitchen, always have, especially after an "event"! The mess meant however that my family was over for Christmas. All of us together one more time. There were plenty of times this year I thought my Mimi would not be here for this one. She was though, and she was marvelous. She came in feeling nauseous from her meds, but she made every ones Christmas. The kids loved what Santa left at Mimi's house. That is where Ty's TV came from (this was at the top of his list, and his damn TV is nicer than mine!), and a Doll House for Gen that is almost triple her size, she can not reach the top story! My Mimi, Mom and I enjoyed our Christmas mugs, sipping coffee and eating pastries on Christmas day while that mess surrounded us. At that moment I didn't care about the mess, so why should I care about it that day? I stopped grunting and did what I could.
• There are like 5 trash bags on my porch (sorry but it was way too cold to walk them to the garbage cans) it saddened me a bit because I work so hard to wrap each gift just so. I laughed at that because there sat all my ribbons and bows in a trash bag. Just like John warned me they would. I didn't care, they made someone happy that morning and that is all that mattered anyway.
• I then put away all the sheets that were left in the family room. My sister and her husband from Florida slept on the pull out the night before. They were cold and used every last blanket and throw I owned. I neatly folded them up and went to the linen closet downstairs to put them away, I found the greatest Christmas present for myself in there. I keep all the blankets on the top shelf. We use them on movie nights and when we are talking on the couch etc. When Isabella was a baby I kept receiving blankets for her in there too. I always kept one in her swing as well. The day it was time to pack that swing up I took her light pink receiving blanket with tiny polka dots on it and tossed it in a pile to wash with the rest of her blankets. When I eventually got to that pile I took a big sniff of that blanket and I can still remember the baby smell, and the Dreft. At that very moment I folded that one back up and tucked it away at the very bottom of my blanket shelf. Since they used every last blanket, you guessed it, there was MY treasure. My hands were full of blankets, and I barely reach the top shelf anyway, It simply didn't matter. I tossed those neatly folded blankets on the ground and grabbed the receiving blanket. It smelled just as I remembered it. I sat on the the now messy blankets (once more) on the floor and just breathed that baby smell in. DELICIOUS!!! I was in the middle of a beautiful mess, and I didn't give a crap. I took a minute or two, then folded and put those blankets up again. I thought about washing and putting away that receiving blanket , but of course, I didn't. I am sure I will run into that blanket again one day at the bottom of the stack. I just hope it will still smell just as good. I think of it as putting away a little gift for myself for next winter. What a treat.

Our home is still a mess, it is a beautiful Christmas mess. This was a very Merry Christmas for all of us, even with all of its obstacles. I am so lucky to know some great people, and so blessed to have my family with me. I am thankful for life, my children, and will count our blessing as we kiss 2009 good-bye. I hope all of you had a great Christmas and I wish all of you the most beautiful Christmas mess EVER!

With love, and arms spread wide apart,
V

Things That Make Winter Worth It

• Little girls in tights and Mary Janes ♥
• Sweater slipper boots ♥
• Long awaited sweater boots ♥
• Cuddling at parades ♥
• Hot chocolate ♥
• Starbucks or Caribou White Choc Peppermint Mocha ♥
• Crackling Fires ♥
• Christmas Movies ♥
• The smell of pine ♥
• Fleece blankets ♥
• Little boys in toboggans ♥
• Cold baby noses ♥
• Waiting for Santa ♥
• Christmas ribbons in my daughters' hair ♥
• Family time ♥
• Planning Summer vacations ♥

Us on Bella, 2 Years Later

I just can't believe that our little Isabella Grace is now 2 years old! She has got to be the happiest little thing ever. Bella brings endless volumes of smiles and joy to our lives. For her 2nd Birthday "she" chose a Mickey Mouse party. We had her grandparents and aunts and uncle, and cousin over and she had a ball! Bella loves balloons and there were plenty, all over the place, for her she had a huge birthday cake and I made Alton Brown's mac and cheese, (her favorite) and she loved it!

It is unimaginable that she has been a part of our lives for 2 whole years, it goes by so fast! I can still remember bringing her home, I was so anxious at how I was going to make her part of the inseparable Tyler and Genesis tag team. While it may have been rocky at first, everyone is just in love with the baby of the family, she is- and will always be- rotten! None of the Lara's would have it any other way of course.


TY ON BELLA:

Since the moment he laid eyes on her Tyler has loved his baby sister. He could not wait to meet her at the hospital, he instantly smiled, and he held her tiny little hand. Tyler always wanted to help with the baby, he would tap her little butt when she was crying in her bassinet, he would put her paci back in her mouth, or run to get John or I when she woke up. Tyler is a great big brother. He always says "Mommy, if we have another baby it better be a boy, I just can't take care of another little sister". He has made it his role to take care of these girls, and that is what he does. When he talks to Bells he changes his voice and talks to her so gently. Tyler thinks Bella is so funny, and that she is!! She is always making these funny faces and she will do just about anything to get us to laugh, she loves the attention. Dinner time is a treat with Bella, she keeps us rolling in laughter, her big brother is always her supporter. "Look at Bella", "Look at Bella" he says! He adores his baby sister and she really adores him too! When I asked him what he would like to say to Bella on her birthday, he said: " Happy Birthday Bella, I promise to play "supermarket" with your new gifts, (which he has!!) I love you and you are funny!"



GEN ON BELLA:


Gen has really grown up since Isabella has been born. In the beginning she was really jealous of Isabella. I remember Gen turning the TV volume up as far as she can get it to drown out Isabella when she was crying as a newborn! Funny now, not so much back then! The tables have now definitely turned, I think Isabella is quite fond of her sister and now she is the one jealous of Gen. If Gen gets near myself or John, Bella will get really mad and swat her off of us, or say "my spot", "my spot" until she moves away from us. Bella looks up to her big sister and Gen is happy to show her the way. Gen is quite the little mommy now. Gen helps Bella at the play ground, or anywhere in public and she is always looking out for her baby sister. She used to call her Bella Bellisima, she still says her baby sister is beautiful. I asked Genesis what she would like to say to Isabella for her birthday...here it goes....."Bella you are funny, and you are pretty, you have to be a little more quiet though, Happy Birthday, I love you!" (they both do think she is funny, and I would have to definitely agree).


JOHN AND I ON BELLA:

John: Can you say smitten? I love the look in Johns eyes when he looks at Bells. He has a special place for all three kids, but a special bond with his baby doll. In part it is because John has been laid-off an entire year and has been her care-taker. Bella is Johns Snuggle Buddy, shopping partner, helper, and everything else you can imagine. They do it all together. We feel so blessed that he was able to spend this critical time of growth with our daughter. We can never get this year back, but it is OK, she was able to get so much out of it and that is irreplaceable.


Me: I will have to blog about this later some other time. For now I will just say, that Bella takes my breath away. Entirely. She is gorgeous, funny, sweet, and everything little girls are made of. It is bittersweet to see her turn two. Our "baby" is no longer a baby, she is growing up by the minute. I have to cherish every moment that I have and relish it. Isabella is such a sweet heart, she loves her brother and sister, her Daddy, and I am so lucky to have her love as well. It is unconditional. I cannot imagine our lives without her. She fits in seamlessly in the special spot that was always saved just for her. Sure, she knows how to work the baby thing to her benefit, and I say, kudos to her. That is OK with us. We love you baby girl, more that words can ever say!!

Our Soundtrack

On November 21st John and I celebrated our 11th year of marriage. With the craziness of my job, his unemployment, battling the flu, Thanksgiving, etc, we really didn't do much to celebrate. That is OK with me because we celebrate us all the time, whenever we can, not just one day a year, and that is actually the way I prefer it.

November 21st, 1998, we signed up to a life devoted life to one another, we declared we would beat the odds, prove people wrong, grow together, start a family, laugh, live and share. We have done that all these years and I look forward to continuing it. Him and I, Mr. and Mrs. Lara, and I like the sound of that. (so much so, that maybe I will finally make that my official name in the 12th year)

One thing that I did do for our anniversary, on my own, was take a tour of us in my mind, just personally reminiscing. Funny how every memory can be set to a song almost, if you pay close attention. Whether it be a song on the radio, a download on the Ipod or part of our CD collection, it dawned on me that without meaning to, we have set our entire lives to music. After so many years together a song will come on and it will take me back to when John and I ........... or we heard that when we went to..........etc. Funny how you may not notice that your mind captured that note, but it does, and it uses those notes to take you back every time.

There are many, many, that I can add to this list, but these are some of my highlights. It was so hard to just pick one for each year, so sometimes there are more. They may not hold too much meaning here in writing, but each one makes me smile or shed a tear. Each song takes me back to a place I want to be able to revisit whenever I wish. Most of these stick out in my mind because I relate them to something. Though not my favorite thing to listen to, a lot of these are country songs. Country songs contain great stories and lyrics and somehow apply really well. Each song different, each a part of our personal soundtrack.

1998 From This Moment- Shania Twain
Our wedding song. We had just left Miami and move with my family to the mountains of NC, so we opted for a country song, with PERFECT lyrics.

1999 Miami- Wil Smith
We missed home, A LOT, when this song was released. We were determined to make NC our new home anyway though. In 98 we moved from Miami, FL to the mountains of NC. We then relocated from the mountains of NC to Cary, NC. We still miss Miami, but love where we now call home.

2000 Steal My Kisses- Ben Harper
Though one of his "poppier" tunes, this is the song that introduced us to Ben Harper. We went to his concert in 2000 by chance and Harper had so much more to offer. It was a great show, and we became big fans on that night. The second line of the song says:
"And since your headin' up to Carolina, You know I'm gonna be right there behind you" I hold that line so near to my heart, because had John not decided to drop and leave everything behind for me, we would not be where we are today. I did head to Carolina, and he was right there behind me. I wonder if he knows that is why I actually love this song?

2001 Bring on the Rain- Jo Dee Messina (with Tim Mcgraw)
An amazing and powerful song. Can't rain be so therapeutic and cleansing? 2001 was probably our bumpiest year and this quickly became my anthem. Great song to let out some tears to, wipe them off your face, and get back up feeling empowered. Some of 2000 and 2001 are years I thought I would always want to soon forget, but now I realize it is part of who we are today. Much to my surprise, I don't think I would trade it.

2002 Amazed- Lonestar
After a year and a half of hard emotional times things were definitely getting better. John sang this song to me once, and I melted. He sings this one well at karaoke and such. Always gives me the butterflies in the stomach feeling. Never thought I could feel that special and that is what this song is, special! Speaking of special, this year gets 2 songs. My cousin got married in June of 2002 and his wedding song was Its Your Love- Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill. John and I gave each other a look when it came on because it is another "special" one. Another one that reminds me of us. It was a great night and a beautiful sea side Miami wedding.

2003 The Day (You Gave Me a Son)- Babyface
Tyler Jon Lara was born 06/18/2003, so this year gets several songs. First child, big year! The Babyface one above, if you have a son yourself, this one may make you tear up. There is no greater gift than a child, when I hear this I am reminded that I had a part in his making, well I know, a BIG part, but the thing is I am just so thankful for him (all my kids) that I don't really think of it that way. I love that I was able to give Mr. Lara a son. John always makes us video collages, and he made one of Tyler for his first year. It was from the day he was born throughout that first awesome year, and it was set to When I See You Smile- Bad English, and that disc makes us both cry, every time. John says this song is how he felt about Tyler that entire first year, and this oldie is so meaningful now. Really, if you don't take the time to read any of these lyrics, do look back at this one. Last but not least, Danny's Song- Kenny Loggins. Yes, weird, I know, but this is what I sang to Tyler when he was a baby, for whatever reason, mainly the part that says: "In the mornin' when I rise Bring a tear of joy to my eyes And tell me everything's gonna be all right". While John sang mainly the Winnie the Pooh song, ha.

2004 No Women No Cry- Bob Marley
Genesis Nicole Lara was born 08/06/2004. Another BIG year! Gen was a big cry baby, really big, always mad about something. I think she cried that entire first year. Naturally, John would sing some Marley to her at 3AM, whatever worked, but seeing him rock and sing this to her was the best part of my day sometimes; even through the tears and sleepless nights. In 2004, John, Tyler and I moved into our first home three months before Gen was born. Of course, I have a song that in a twisted way reminds me of that too. It is a silly song that I used to like because I thought it was so funny, it is Itty Bitty- Alan Jackson, but for this year, that song seemed appropriate, 2004 was a great year!

2005 You and Me- Lifehouse This is right about when life started to go really, really fast for us. A blur almost. Lifehouse I really enjoy, and this song brings me back to what mattered. Nothing can make time sit still for me and restore my being like John can. This song is a good reminder of my safe place. There is actually one more Lifehouse song that John and I like, and this one too helps me keep my head in a great place, Hanging by a Moment- Lifehouse. When Tyler was a toddler he loved the movie Shark Tale, and the Bob Marley song, Three Little Birds , you know the one that says "every little thing is gonna be allright", nice simple song, and it makes all of us feel good!

2006 100 Years- Five for Fighting, Talk about a whirl wind, John turned 30 in 06. He didn't really take that so well. He never mentions, but I see the wheels turning when he hears this song. He really likes it and I feel like he relates to it. We both love this one, and it is just a reminder to cherish every moment. John also loves the song Its a Great Day to Be Alive- Travis Trit, everyone needs a feel good song or two, more so when you are turning 30 I suppose.

2007 In My Daughters Eyes- Martina McBride Isabella Grace Lara made her debut into our lives on 11/29/07. We now had two daughters! It was some kind of awakening! 2007 was all about daughters, and the shock that somehow we now had TWO, and that now it was my turn to be 30! When I was pregnant with Bella, and I was about to have my birthday, we went to go see Knocked Up, this movie hit home with everything going on in it, kind of like I was there, and at the end of the movie, the song was Loudon Wainwright's - Daughter, I loved it. The "daughter" songs were everywhere! This Martina McBride one I loved even before I met Bells, but wow, it is incredible. Every single line of this song TRUE and applicable for me, pretty wonderful lyrics. Then there is Daughters- John Mayer, My Little Girl, Tim McGraw, (which is also on the soundtrack to one of Gen's favorite movies Flicka), Cinderella- Steven Curtis Chapman, (such a sweet and true song).

2008 Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Iz and Everything- Michael Buble Nothing is better than belting out some tunes while in the car with the kids! Gen is quite the singer. It melts my heart to hear her sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow at the top of her lungs, especially this version, and when Tyler jumps in to join her, it is so cute! We also sing Everything together a lot. John came home one day in 2008, so eager to play a song for me, you can read the details here, and the song was Everything, it made him tear up, I will never forget that, and all of the Lara's love this song.

2009 Remember When- Alan Jackson That's what I did this past week...I remembered when. This song tells a lot of our story, with the exception of one thing it is all accurate, and true. There is not much to it but it leaves me kind of speechless. It is amazing when a song can do that. We have lived every verse of this song, and we are currently working on the last verse. I guess we will always be working on that. In the mean time, the sound of little feet is still the music we dance to week to week. The best part is that we get to dance together.

I love you Mr. Lara, Thanks for always playing our song. Happy Anniversary!

Pots of Gold

Rainbow:

1. multicolored arc in sky: an arc of light separated into bands of color that appears when the Sun's rays are refracted and reflected by drops of mist or rain. The colors of the rainbow are conventionally said to be red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

No matter where you seemingly position yourself on these "arcs", undeniably there will always be a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow, whether you are climbing to the top, or sliding on a strong downward spiral. Just look in that special place that is in all of us, there they are.

My Pots of Gold:

- Came home last week and John said he had a surprise for me. The house was spotless, so I thought that was it. He took me upstairs to my closet, all my clothes neatly hung up and shoes all in order. I looked a little closer and let out a big scream. There, in the center of perfect tidiness, lay my Rainbow sandals. John cracked up and thought it was a classic V moment.

-New baby, new life! Welcome to the world Liam Nash Collins. (this name will undoubtedly be in lights some day, way to go Mom and Dad, I LOVE your little man's name!!) Congrats to Matt and Tiffany. Enjoy every second of your new family and treasure. Liam is absolutely perfect!

- We have all been pretty sick this week, so after a long day at work I snuck upstairs to take a hot bath hoping no little people would follow me upstairs. I drew my bath, laid out some PJ's and was feeling pretty impressed at the silence. I jump in the tub, and in the distance I hear the pitter patter of little feet, albeit one of my favorites sounds, the silence was too. Amazingly my bathroom door doesn't open as I soak. Then I hear Genesis in my room, signing. I love to hear her sing when she doesn't realize anyone is listening. I had the best bath ever.

-Bella pushing her grocery cart all over the house.

-Tyler's first loose tooth.

-Yummy dinners made by my honey which we have all been enjoying together as a family.

-The fire in the leaves.

-Streets covered in leaves of all colors.

-Genesis and I doing a Hello Kitty Craft and coloring. We did this OUR way, which means we had our coffee mugs in hand and fluffy socks on our feet. Just her and I. It was perfect.

-Cuddling with Isabella. She is so petite, and the perfect little cuddle size.

-Tyler passing every single one of his times Math tests, with flying colors. I worry all day, just to come home and see 20/20 in big red ink at the top of his papers.

-Hot coffee.

-Watching John try to earn a "coin" on Mario Galaxy. Watching him grow frustrated as he unsuccessfully attempts it while Tyler and I give him hell. Then watching Tyler have to do it for him. Daddy just hasn't mastered the long jump technique and without it there is NO COIN.

- My bed.

What are in your Pots of Gold? Every rainbow has one!

XOXO,
V