Standing in a Puddle

I have been trying to stay positive this week, but I have been less than successful. I think I am being spread quite thin and therefore just have a cloudy mind and I can't get much accomplished. I am being just mediocre these days. Mediocre mother, wife, housekeeper, employee, daughter, you name it, I am just not scoring any 10's. I can explain...

I cant get into the groove. I get home with the kids and they want to play but I have a million things to do. John has something almost every night so I am often on my own. I understand but it takes a toll. Last night the kids wanted to play out side, it was so pretty but they never did get a chance to. After dinner, they begged and I gave in, we went outside and at 8:00 PM my poor kids were catching snails (this is a past time of theirs, to collect bugs, yucky). Ty would get them, while Gen diligently held the flash light for him. The site was so cute I could cry, but also so heart wrenchingly pitiful that they couldn't do this thing at normal hours. I feel responsible and like I have failed them in some way. Sure, they got to play outside, in a very mediocre fashion. Yet, they took turns picking some flowers for me in their limited allotted time.

Tyler wants a play date with his best pal and damn if we don't even have a day available to do that. He is 4, yet his play date will have to be scheduled in our black berries and planner a friggen month later. He has a spring fling at school tomorrow, and with the best intentions I signed up to make something for his bake sale. At this point I have no idea how I will get anything made, short of staying up all night. I suppose it will be pre-made cookies I pop in the oven. What a cop out. Sure, the kids will not notice, but I know, and so will all the June Cleaver mommies. I am aware this sounds petty but I really feel awful that I am not really baking. Completely mediocre.

Genesis is the sensitive one. Seems like all I do with the kids is tell them to hurry. I am late in the mornings so I drop them off like a bat out of hell, though I always take the time to hug and say I love you, they want more than that. Especially Gen . So do I. This morning I had my regular work out....while running 15 minutes late, I make the first run into Mimi's house with all their bags and junk for the day. Next trip I take Isabella Grace in. Next run includes Tyler, and his snails. Next run Gen. Oh Genesis, Genesis. She wants to talk. Mommy you look pretty today she says, I snap back, thanks but come on I have to go. Mommy she says again, but I really like your make up ( I usually just sport earth tones but today I did have some springy like purple on my lids, no one will probably notice, but my Gen sure does) . Thanks I reply in a hurry. She is tangled in her little pink robe, her Care Bears blanket is stuck in the belt, takes me forever to pry her out. Finally we can go. Mommy, can you carry me? Of course. As I carry her in, she spills milk all over me. Great. I say crap, milk all over me, I run in to get it off. I am finally done, heading out the door, there she stands with those huge brown eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks. What did I do? I was hasty, took the rush out on them and my Gen takes the brunt of it all. I know my kids love me, but with her, I can FEEL it in my soul, and I hurt her feelings. I did because she thinks the milk was her fault. Now 20 minutes late because I have to say sorry and that it wasn't her fault, and how I was not mad at her. Are my words enough? Probably not. Mediocre.

I always complain that John doesn't talk to me enough. I mostly hate when I am doing what I call the nightly marathon. It includes letting them play for a bit, getting them ready for bed, feeding Bella, preparing the milk for the next day, along with all else for the next day, whew! I often do this alone, which is fine by me, I want to do it. I do it alone because he is usually working late, which I know he does for us, doing all this alone is not easy most times, it comes with the territory though I am well aware. Then he finally mosies on home, says hello to the kids, not much to me and I swear he hits the bed and he is out!! Meanwhile I am still running on adrenaline. Yet what do I do for him? Do I iron his clothes? Do I prepare his lunch? NO. Suppose we are both at fault, but my point is --- mediocre.

Now on to Bella. Poor thing. No tummy time. Not as many pictures of her as the others (though still a ton, I snap as much as I can), no Baby Einstein videos getting played for her. To top things off with all this stress, milk supply is getting low. Even with all my efforts. I mean I take up about 45 minutes of my day pumping at work and then she no longer needs a midnight feed, yet I still stay up, or wake up and pump that feed just to get enough milk stored for the week while she is at Mimi's. John did get me a supplement at Whole Foods though, lets see how it goes. I am still feeding her a lot myself too, but somehow, running on E. Mediocre.

At the end of most days though, when I feel like a failure, the kids usually find a way to leave me standing in a puddle of my own tears. They pick flowers, they tell me they love me, they hug me so tight. I couldn't sleep the other night (this is becoming a sad trend) so I was listening to my Ipod downstairs, down Ty crept and snuggled by me and said Mommy I know you want me in bed but can I just cuddle and listen with you. Gen will hold me and say, you are my sweetest prettiest mommy. It doesn't get any better than that. A child's love, now that is no where near mediocre. No matter how short I fall, they catch me, their love is what unconditional is all about.

Home Sweet Home

This month will mark the 4th anniversary of our home! In such a short period of time so much has happened there. I really love my home and all that it stands for because.........

• Our Home represents our hard work; we worked hard to earn each and every one of the 2250 square feet in there.
• I love remembering when it was getting built and Tyler, not even 1 yet, would crawl around on the fresh carpet. I loved seeing the progress, Ty in tow, and Gen tucked away in my belly.
• I cherish the pics of us unpacking with Ty in boxes, under furniture, and my cute belly in my T-Shirt and shorts. Great, great times.
• I loved having my first daughter and bringing her to her very first home after the hospital stay.
• This home has housed 2 nurseries and a big boy room, and even a big girl/little girl room!
• I have gone through lessons learned, births, a miscarriage, heart ache, and even some pain in this home. Just being there made me feel better EVERY time.
• I love that my walls are my canvas. We redo, rework, repaint, and never tire of it.
• I adore that my fridge holds food as well as fine art. I cant explain the joy it brings me to look at my kids artwork and pics on the fridge. Yes, I was one of those people that thought I would never do that to my fridge! Just goes to show, never say never. Kids change everything and I love it.
• This house hosts rocking date nights I tell you. Getting a sitter isn't easy with two toddlers and a new baby, but John and I are lucky, we do more than make do! This weekend we decided on making a portion of the garage a sort of lounge, bachelor pad-esque, hang out spot. You know the kind of thing us wives would never allow in the actual house!! No worries, although it is in the garage, the area is in a quite small "corner".
• We got to bring our second daughter to her first home too a few months ago. Awesome. The yard birth announcement looks so perfect in front of our home.
• Nice family get together's have taken place here. The memories will last a life time.
• I love that our family room can be converted into a campground, a dungeon filled with forts, or even the ocean in mere seconds by the kids.
• I love the fact that we spent our savings on these awesome ceiling to floor custom built in shelves on two entire walls in the bonus room that we cant even appreciate because they are now filled with toys galore!
• I love how we got a king sized bed in our room that allows for awesome cuddle sessions with the entire Lara clan!!
• After much frustration I have come to terms with the fact that the kids bathroom looks like a model home bathroom and mine is still bare and boring after 4 years!
• It gets me that even though that bathroom isn't done, we are currently shopping for a wooden play set for outside. Lucky little kids!!
• I love what my house sounds like. ...kids laughter....kids screaming and fighting.....baby crying....baby cooing.......i love you's.......screams of "mommmmmyyyy", "dadddddyyyyy".......kid movies......noggin on full blast.......all genres of music........little feet running up and down the halls.....little butts sliding down the stairs(gees!)...pure madness you say, well, you are right. Me you ask, I wouldn't have it any other way.
• Most of all this home represents the future. I often think about Tyler staying out past his curfew, parking in front if the house with the lights off so we wouldn't see him pull in, slowly opening the door, quietly going up the steps thinking he is home free about now since I haven't come out of the room screaming, .............. until.........he reaches that top step that has always creaked since day 1, and his Dad hears it. I think John will say, go to bed we will talk in the morning. Ouch.

I look forward to more parties, get together's, painting, boo boos, laughter, and tears in this house. When the day comes to part with it and move on to what should be a so called better thing, I know it will be bitter sweet. I will never ever forget 208 Talley Ridge Drive, I love calling that my home!!

Beautiful Baby Girl

Adrienne Gianna Getz

April 7, 2008

6:15 PM

7 pounds 14 ounces

21 inches

Congrats to my best girl and her hubby Jack on the arrival of their sweet baby girl.

Absolutely perfect in every way!

Welcome to the world sweet girl. You have great parents, be good to them.Can't wait for all the great times ahead.

Emmy and Jack, welcome to the no sleep club!

If you are awake and cant get back to bed at about 3Am,

just give me a call. ;) Enjoy, life doesn't get much better than this.

Wonderful

All that's wonderful in my world.........................

...............in one sweet, tiny, perfect face.

Luke Spencer

Congrats to my cousin Erik and his wife Lilliam and their boys Sergio and Ryan who just added a new baby to the family!

LUKE SPENCER RIMBLAS

Luke was born on 03/31/08 at 8:51 A.M

8 pounds 8 ounces

19.5 inches

Welcome to the world little guy, I can't wait to meet you! You are going to be a cutie just like your two brothers, I can tell already. Way to go Mom and Dad.