My Notebook

E-I-G-H-T!?!?

2011-06-22T16:42:00.003-04:00

Eight. 8. Ocho. Anyway you say it, I don't like it. Eight definitely removes any chances of being called a baby. Eight means going into third grade. Eight means no longer paying as a child in some places. Eight means you can play on a 3d DS. Eight is how old my first born turned on June 18th. Eight. Can time just slow down? Not an option is it? I wanted Tyler so badly, and then he was here, and now he has been here for eight years, in just ten years he will be EIGHTeen, WOW. If my words are messy, it is because my mind is messy. Wrapping my mind around him being 8 is something I am still working on. Tyler is such a great kid I just cant imagine him any bigger!

He did have an INCREDIBLE birthday though. We celebrated my little mans day at his Martial Arts school, and had a lot of his classmates join him. He enjoyed every second of it to the max. We also took him to the movies, and his choice for dinner was Red Lobster. What a sweet heart. He was wonderful. The joy in his eyes was great for me to watch. He was so thankful and excited about his friends, and gifts, and his special day. Daddy and I splurged and got him is coveted 3D DS. He is in love!! His friends got him all sorts of cool things and he is in present heaven. It is hard to believe that he will be in the third grade in just a few days!!

Eight means I will hug him tighter. Eight means I will volunteer at his school more often while he still lets me. Eight means I will get healthier to be here for him. Eight means I will read more bed time stories. Eight shows me that no matter what the number, he will always be my baby.

I love you Tyler Jon Lara! You are still my happy place and I adore you. There are no words to describe it. Always.

Trying this again!

2011-06-13T10:03:00.003-04:00

Hello world! I am so bummed about being gone for nearly a year. I cant believe it! Time really has flown by. NO JOKE! There has not been one month where I didn't think about writing, I just never got to it. No excuses. Interestingly enough, when I started to blog it was to find myself a bit and remind myself what matters, and here I am again. Same boat. Blogging helped keep my life in perspective and now I am hoping to achieve the same result. A little bit of Zen just through some ideas, thoughts and words. My mind is cluttered, and this helps me sort it out. I am sure I lost any readers that I had in the past, and that is OK. Maybe they will come back, and maybe I will find some new ones to inspire me through the moments that matter the most. This first post will be the toughest simply because I don't know where to start. Deep breath.....

Work has been crazy. It has been a whole new overhaul here in the past year, and it is finally getting back into a groove, it is stressful to say the least. Kids activities have been crazy too. Mimi had another big surgery, my sister, her fiancee and niece moved in with us because of some family issues and we have been non stop. One thing after another. I feel like I need to wear a protective suit to block some of the obstacles thrown our way, and still I am not sure if that would help!

I always thought my life was crazy with the three kids when they were smaller. Three in diapers, three active happy toddlers, and I thought that when they got to school things would slow down for me. I would have more consistency. Alas, I was wrong. I have never been as overwhelmed as I am right now. The kids are currently 7,6 and 3 and I am going crazy! This has been the hardest year by far for keeping up with schedules and appointments and classes etc. Tyler and Genesis are doing so well in school, but school is the equivalent of another full time job for me as it turns out! School equals deadlines, projects, homework, studying, events, extra curriculars, WOW. I am spread so thin these days. I never sleep, there is always something to do. If I don't do everything when they are asleep then it simply doesn't get done. John and I are usually up until at least 1am doing chores, laundry, cleaning, or even trying to catch up on each other, we cant seem to get it in if it isn't in the wee hours of the night. My health has taken the brunt of it. I am always tired and fatigued, and have been worried about what was going on. Doctor found that I had high blood pressure, and I have just started some meds for that. This can be the reason for a lot of the tiredness, and headaches etc. I am working on that right now. Taking my pills, and drinking as much water as I can, and changing my diet. I want to lose another 8 pounds by the end of this month. Fingers crossed! I am working at it. I want to feel better and do right by my children. They need me, they deserve me, and even if I don't always feel like it, I really do matter. Isabella said it best, she looked at me last night and said "Mommy, thank you for loving me". OH MY GOODNESS, she took my breath away. If she only knew that it was my pleasure and honor to be allowed the opportunity to share with her and love her the way that I do and always will.

Isabella is my little diamond in the rough. She is this little fairy like whimsical child that I can not get enough of. She has a head of dark hair that is gorgeous and a complexion to die for. She looks like porcelain. She loves all things dance; ballerinas....tutus......tiaras......music....princesses and dolls, the ultimate little girl in all ways! She doesn't waver on her preferences. She cant hear a tune without shaking her bottom, and she loves to sing as well. She acts her age and I relish her innocence and purity as I know all too well how fast that dissipates. She is the baby in the house and she knows it. Her brother and sister dote on her and baby her. Genesis is known to lose it on her every now and then, but I say with confidence that it is not as much as I would have thought and that makes me grateful. Though I can hear Gen's voice echoing in my mind right now saying "Bella why do you keep following me!?" in a very frustrated big girl voice. Funny stuff, Genesis will go room to room saying that, but this head of hair and big grin just keeps popping in at every door her big sister opens, and it so reminds me of growing up with my sister. Bella is almost done potty training. She wanted NOTHING to do with a toilet! She loves being a baby! This past week though she has been doing so well on her own accord. I think she was just ready. I didn't rush it on her or try much at all as I did with the other ones because I thought I had bigger fish to fry, and when they are ready, they just are. Whew, I was right. Sure, I could have done this months ago, but the stress wasn't worth it to me, though I felt guilty about it. As a parent you want to follow the time lines, and do it all the way the books say, sometimes it just doesn't happen, but that is OK too. She is ready now and she is using the potty pretty regularly and sporting her Dora panties. She is a happy girl, and I am thrilled! Now she can be in ballet pretty soon which she is so excited to do!

Genesis. Oh Genesis. My hands are full with her. She is a trip. Genesis is my helper. She will do anything and everything for me. She is a great help with Bella and is constantly with her sister helping me in anyway that she can. I feel bad sometimes because of it, but really, I don't ask her to help me or watch her sister, but she is always wanting to help me. She just does it. Some days I don't know what I would do without her tiny hands helping me. I try to tell her how proud and thankful I am of her, and she keeps helping so I am in hopes that means that she knows how much it means to me. She is my attachment, she is always with me, right by my side. I hope it NEVER changes. She is into her hair now, mostly braids. I braid her hair and it is my joy to do so. She wants me to curl it too, and she asks for a different hairstyle everyday. This week she "really needs to get her bangs trimmed". She is getting a lot more stubborn with her clothes. Sure she always had to pick it out and is very into fashion but now we are talking shoes, purses, and matching bracelets. She is all over that. She will give me a hard time if it is something she doesn't want to wear. It is a clear reminder of how hard teenage girls will be. I'm not ready! Her IPod (a fake one) is always with her, as is her camera. She lives older than she really is, a very young 6. I am trying to slow her down a bit, she is one of a kind. Genesis' best trait right now is her determination. If she puts her mind into something, it will happen. Gen was below average on reading and spelling at the beginning of this year (1st grade) we were always working with her as was her incredible teacher, the last quarter BAM she is at level. She read for hours, made me read with her even when I thought she had read enough. Her prayers included asking to be promoted to 2nd grade and promising to work hard. She did. Stayed up until 10PM some nights working on programs her teacher sent to help her. She never gives up. She is even writing poems now! Her teacher is amazingly proud of her, as I am. Genesis tries that hard at everything that means something to her. She works for it, demands accomplishments and works harder than most adults I know at everything she does.

Tyler is my BIG baby. I mean BIG! He is HUGE these days! Almost as tall as me, and just a big boy. I am really torn up over it. I really am. He is so big and handsome and smart. I cant imagine that I had him 8 years ago. I can almost still smell him, I can feel him, and I just wish I could hold him one more time. I want to carry him up the stairs when he falls asleep on the couch, but I cant anymore. It may sound pathetic but it is really hard on me. I have issues letting go of things, and he is my first, my only son, and I just blinked and he is all grown up. Tyler is the sweetest most gentle soul that I have ever met. He will do anything for anyone. His heart breaks for animals, the earth and people. He is a giver. His heart and soul are filled with love for everyone and everything and it shows. He likes to analyze everything, and his questions always start with "Why". Oh boy, I have to brace myself when I hear that word coming from his little mouth. He never makes fun of little kids or teases. EVER. He shares, gives, and lets people take. He is always the one helping his pals out and being the good guy. I do hate it sometimes because he can definitely get taken advantage of and I want him to know the difference, but it isn't necessarily a trait I want to take away from him either, so I am in a tight spot most of the time. John is toughening him up so he can look out for himself too, but the way he is shows me that he will be a good father and husband and leader one day. His compassion is admirable at his young age. His teachers are always smitten with him, I'm glad I'm not the only one! His grades are still great and he can pretty much read anything, and very well. His 8th birthday is in just 5 days and he is getting ready for that. He is so excited. At the top of his list is the Nintendo 3Ds , we will see. He is definitely a gamer. Just another sign of the times and how big he is getting. I think I will be a wreck Saturday, this one is hitting me hard and consuming me.

Ty and Gen have both been doing TKD for almost a year now. What a great sport. Tyler isn't really into sports, at least not playing them, and this was a great way to get him some spirit, and some exercise. He is reluctant to go sometimes (because he feels he has better things to do) but most of the time he is OK with it. He works hard at it, and is doing so very well. He has surprised all of us by his diligence. He is now a green belt and this weekend at his tournament he placed 1st in Form, 1st in board breaking, and 2nd in sparring. Genesis was a natural from the start. She is a ninja. She is this pint sized ball of energy. This is right up her alley. She also did great this weekend, she earned 1st place in form, 1st place in sparring (she tore a little boy up, ha, I was so happy, GIRLS RULE), and 2nd in board breaking in her division. They are doing awesome! Tae Kwon Do is really time consuming, they go at least twice a week, but most of the time at least 3, but I think it is worth it. They get to do it together yet separate if that makes sense, and the benefits have been wonderful. They boost their self confidence, meet a whole new crowd of friends and it is great exercise. Lets not even talk about self defense, John is ecstatic over that. Especially with his beautiful daughter, she can certainly take care of herself now.

That is about it in a nut shell. I am really looking forward to writing again and keeping up with my blog. I missed it dearly and cant wait to write again!

Peace and Love,
Veronica

"I'm Back" to "First Days"......

2010-07-09T16:36:00.002-04:00

Oh how I have missed my blogging!! Life has been so crazy as usual and I lost my Blogger mojo. I hope it is back! I had to get my life's rhythm back first and I think everything is on the right track. I have missed so many fun things that I need to catch up on, like Tyler's Birthday, our Summer, etc...but I cant wait to share.

In the mean time, today was a bittersweet day, it was the first day of school. My second grader so handsome and almost as tall as I am, my first grader with a flower in her hair and growing to be so independant. We get there with my arms full of school supplies and little hands, I leave empty watching Mom's crying to their cars, finding myself joining them. I thought this year would be easier, and although it was, it wasn't bullet proof. My heart still escapes my body and stays right there with them. I suppose that will never change.

This poem makes me cry every time...though it is about a little girl, and definately relates to my daughter, the premise is completely applicable to both of my little people, and seemingly it will apply for every first day. Grab your tissues and join me.........

Dear World,

I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy blue dress with two brown eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I trust you'll treat her well. She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. Never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proper, she'll wave a young independent hand this morning and say "goodbye", and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now, she'll learn to stand in lines and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for sounds of school bells and deadlines, and she'll learn to giggle, and gossip, and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way, and she'll learn to be jealous.

Now she'll learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a hot summer day and watch an ant scurry across a crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew.

No...now she'll worry about important things like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friend is whose. She'll forget her blocks and dolls, and now she'll find new heroes. For five full years now, I've been her sage and Santa Claus, pal and playmate, Mother and friend.

Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers, which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest, greatest woman in the whole world. Today, when that school bell rings for the first time, she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group, with all its privileges and its disadvantages, too. She'll learn in time that proper ladies do not laugh out loud or kiss dogs or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms, or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the summer sidewalk. Today, she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends, and I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long lonely journey to becoming a woman.

So world, I bequeath to you today, one little girl in a crispy blue dress with two brown eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a flash of brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I trust you will treat her well.

(...and yes, her dress was blue!)

Love,
Veronica

The Everlasting Comforter

2010-03-18T23:10:00.003-04:00

When my sister and I were growing up we used to share a room until I was about 14 years old. It was then that my parents finished the addition to our child hood home, and all of us siblings had our own rooms. I remember going shopping for our decorations and furniture and it was an exciting time. My sister was about 10 then, and our Mom picked out her comforter as I recall, and I thought it was ugly. I think Vikki may have thought so too, but that is blurry in my memory.

This comforter ended up being the softest most yummiest comforter ever. It was white with squares in it, the sides of the squares were all different colors. This comforter went with us on the couch to cuddle for movies, on road trips, and all other sorts of adventures. Somehow this blanket lives here with me today. I think Vikki may have left it here when she moved in with John and I when she graduated high school.

I love this thing! I still use it on the couch for TV time, and it is still as delicious to this day..actually it's better. We use this comforter to make forts, to sit on when we do something on the floor, the kids even love this thing. Every once in a while, it makes me smile to see them on this almost 24 year old blanket. They are growing up with this comforter that their Mom and Aunt loved as children, and they are using it the same way they did. Pretty neat.

Today this comforter was a star.l I picked Tyler up from school because his teacher called to let me know he was sick. First thing he did when we walked in the door is grab that comforter and head for the couch, Same thing we would have done as children. At dinner time he was cold so he and his sister used it to lay over their laps as they ate. This thing was new back then so Mom would never have let us do that, but still, the point is the blanket makes us feel good.

At bed time, Genesis was in her jammies and Bells wanted to play with her....she runs to get her attention, I am down the hall just watching them. The best part of my day was to hear Gensesis say "Bella, do want a blanket ride?" I didn't quite know what she meant, but Bella said yes. Bella runs to the tiled kitchen and waits, then Gen comes along pulling this long colorful, hideous comforter behind her and lays it on the floor. Bella proceeds to sit in the middle of it with her big sisters help. Gen then simply pulls her around the kitchen! Bella is cracking up and holding on! I know this can lead to big trouble, but I let them have their fun for a minute as I watched in the background. It looked like great fun!

This comforter still gets washed and used and is going to be with us a lot longer I think! It has proved over and over that it still has some life in it, great buy Mom!! My only wish is that Vikki and I would have thought of the grand blanket ride idea!

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!

2010-03-17T10:52:00.004-04:00

This St. Patricks Day I realized that............

My daughters do not own much green clothes at all. Genesis has some shorts, but it was still too chilly for that, so jeans it was. As for her top, that was rough, but we dug something up. Hair bows were an even bigger challenge! I don't think green would be a good addition to Gen's wardrobe with her skin tone, but Bella would look cute in green I think, so I will have to get some! Gen went with clear sparkly nails with tiny green gems on them, she was adorable.
Daddy and Gen worked on her project for school that was due today last night. She was to design and build a trap to catch Lenny the Leprechaun that has escaped in her classroom. They put together a rainbow made out of cardboard with a pot of gold at the end. When Lenny opens the treasure he will see that it is fake and the door comes down and traps him! Or so we hope, we will have to see how it goes, it was definitely the cutest project ever though. She was so proud to take it to school today.
Isabella was conceived exactly three years ago today! Sorry if that is "TMI" , but it was much too memorable to forget the exact date. It was a good night! I really didn't care much about St. Patty's Day until 2007. From then on, we will CELEBRATE! Haha......
There are only 3 more days til Spring 2010. I cant wait for some blue skies and warm sunshine. The kids are excited to play outside more, and we are looking forward to nice walks with Koda Brown and the kids.

Anyone having some green beer tonight? I am not sure I will get to enjoy one myself, but the kids and I are making Shamrock Smoothies :0). Just mix some skim milk, sugar free lime sherbert, vanilla extract and two ripe bananas (or yogurt) in the blender and enjoy!! I hope my little Leprochauns like them! I will call these "shakes" so they think they are terrible for them and love them! Works every time!

Dark Confessions of a Good Mom ----- INTRO

2010-03-11T12:16:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I go through and read some of my old blog posts I realize how great everything sounds--most of the time. Especially, when the kids are involved. Motherhood, or parenting, is the single most difficult thing I have committed too. I am responsible for their health, happiness, enrichment, manners, morals, and the list goes on, basically, I am responsible for my children's lives. With so much responsibility as a Mother or parent, I think it is almost inevitable to make mistakes along the way. It comes with the territory.

Why are us Moms so embarrassed to talk about our mistakes? We are open to giving advice about breast feeding, making your own baby food, how to wean your child, or break them from a biting habit, but when we screw up, not many Mom's are willing to publicize it.

I get the fact that these mistakes aren't the ones that you usually want to talk about. Especially not on a public blog, but I have been thinking of my short comings as a Mom, and what I can do to be a better Mother. For a while I have been thinking about starting a new blog, along with this one, but then realized I can barely keep up with one. Two blogs would be just way too much pressure. So I just never did it.

Then I got Site Meter. It tells me who visits my blog, how long they were on, what pages they read, where they were from, how they found me etc. I was really just curious at the stats. What I found is that a lot of folks find me by mistake Googling parenting or children related subjects. Now I am taking a leap and writing about my freak out Mom moments as well. I have accepted that it is normal, and want others to feel at ease when they mess up as well. Hopefully some words some where will enlighten someone, even when I am not singing my children's praises, and let them know it is OK.

As a loving Mother-- I screw up. I want to scream. I want to start over. I want to cry. I make wrong decisions. Funny thing is, we all do, whether we admit it or not. As of late I am trying to find the beauty in my parenting woes. Its easy most of the time. It is easy because I love my kids, I want the very best for them, I want them to have the best Mom they can possibly have. So when I screw it up, I take a mental note, I move forward, I find the beauty in my mistake and learn from it, now I will blog about it too. I feel like writing it makes me more accountable. It feels good to know you are not alone, and messing up isn't an option, it is a fact.

The key for me when I do falter is find the beauty in it, the laughter it can bring us, and most importantly the fact that when I have really slipped, I care enough to take it with me and grow from it. I will share it here with you, and one day with my own children. No matter how small or big it is, I am a good mother, (and it took me some convincing to realize that I was because I take it so seriously that I felt this huge burden to be perfect and I definitely am not)I am learning to be a better Mom everyday, I confess, find the goodness in the mistake and move on. Hope you will follow me. This is my Intro to True Confessions of a Good Mom, Volume 1 coming soon.

xoxo
Veronica

One of Those Days

2010-02-25T14:31:00.008-05:00

I miss my kids today. There was a beautiful snow falling this morning when John had to scoop them out of their warm bed and drop them off at their Grandma's. I know it is better than day care and I am so lucky, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't make me feel any better. The truth is that Grandma is not Mama, that's all. I am selfish and greedy and want them all for myself. I would have given just about anything to stay with them today, play in the snow with them, and then make them some hot chocolate.

We could have spent the afternoon playing that board game I promised to play with them a week ago. We could talk and nap, color or bake. We can have Koda Brown's first birthday party that we have yet to celebrate (we bought him doggie bones, and toys, and a birthday hat, I just haven't had the "time"to get to it), I could help Tyler with the science experiments he has been dying to try, and help Genesis bling out her journal. I am sure Bella would love to open her last couple of Christmas gifts she hasn't even gotten to yet.

I am at work. Working for them--holding my heart in its place until I can see them again. Which all I will do is boss them around when I get to them anyway. My few hours with them sound like this............ "Take a bath." "Brush your teeth.", "Pick these things up" "Time for bed" and then poof, day is over.

A friends status today on Facebook: "...............misses the peanut today. I don't know how moms who work full time do it. Hats off to you ladies!!!"
Well----DISLIKE!
Sweet status, I see what she means. She means well and is happy to spend some off time with her child. We all are. For the Mom's who do not have a choice but to work, we understand the amount of sacrifices that come with it. For the Mom's who can stay with their kids, please, please, please, make every second count, for all of us. But in the mood I am in today, what I really want to say is....keep your hat on, you don't know how we do it, because we really don't. We have to fake it.

Yes, I know this is not neccesarily true. No, I dont think we fake it, I just sometimes feel like it. I do it, all of it, and I am tired and I am broken because on days like this, I feel guilty, I want to be home with my kids. Concentrating on being an even more fabulous Mom. That is after all, all I ever wanted to do. I just cant do it the way I would have liked to.

OK, OK, I am talking shit bc I am having a super bad day, and cursing like a sailor. I can see that. Of course we working Mom's do it, we are fucking awesome. Aren't we? I guess I will just have to reflect on this when my heart isn't so heavy. Whether we work or not, being a Mom is the hardest "job" out there, but the rewards are immeasurable. Work hard, play hard, love your kids, and in the end, we will have the same product. I have to believe that.

Back to work, lunch is over.

Sharing the Bed

2010-02-08T12:01:00.002-05:00

That's right, share your bed, and I refer to sharing it with your children. I am not going to get into a discussion about a Family Bed, or "Ferberizing" your child. I mean this in the simplest of ways, sleep with your child. Maybe not every day, but every once in a while, just do it. What is it all about anyway? I bet you are thinking I have lost my mind. This however is me at my clearest. I love sleeping with my kids.

For me it is about holding Tyler all night, and it seems like I do not have many of those nights left. He is so big now, when we lay together he always faces me, and our feet touch, he is getting so tall. It is about the way he puts is hand up my T-shirt sleeve and rubs my arm until he falls asleep. When he was smaller, since he was a baby, that is the only way he would fall asleep. He would say "arm, arm" as he asked for it. Now he only does it every now and then, not an every day thing, but when he does, I want to stay with him all night and remember when. Just holding him, feeling the softness of his skin.

It is about seamlessly cuddling with Genesis, the way our bodies fit perfectly together like two pieces of an interlocking puzzle. It is the perfect fit, every limb intertwined in one way or another. Amazingly, it feels good, really good, and not the least bit uncomfortable. It is about me playing with her long hair as she sleeps peacefully in my arms. A bonus is when she whispers " I love you Mama" in her sleep.

It is about cradling Isabella's body next to me. She is so small compared to the other two. It is about how she likes to hold your hand when she is sleepy, her tiny hand in mine melts my heart. Her other hand goes up and rubs my ear. Another habit that is annoying at times, but now that I know it is a phase that will be outgrown like Tyler's, I gladly take my earrings off and let her fall peacefully asleep. Her little face up by mine, one hand holding mine, the other one rubbing my ear.

It is about holding a sick child all night so that you can make sure they are OK. It is about sleeping with your baby because they nurse in another hour and you have to work in the morning, might as well keep them. It is about not only praying for your baby, but literally praying over them as they sleep. It is about reading them a bedtime story and not being able to leave them when you say "the end". Better yet, it is about reading them a book and falling asleep before they do and staying with them all night. It is about sleeping with your new born, just because you feel obsessed about making sure they are breathing, and this is a sure fire way to watch them all night. It is about having a bad day and having them take all your worries away with a good nights rest. It is about enjoying them now, because pretty soon sleeping with Mommy will be a thing of the past. It is about waking up with a sore arm because your 6 year old laid on it all night and you chose not to disturb him. It is about holding your baby in your arm and with the other reaching over and gently touching John's fingers across the bed and thinking about how we together made this other little person, and to think it all started with one touch. It is about bonding with them. It is about both of you feeling so safe, and sometimes we all just need that don't we? It is about the innocence as they are peacefully sleeping. It is about their face being the first thing you see in the morning.

Yes kids need their independence. They need to self soothe. They need to sleep in their own beds to get a restful nights sleep. We need to wean kids off pacifiers and bottles, and we need to potty train them and everything else that comes with training a little person. I am not going to make sleeping with me one of those things that is just not allowed. Another habit that I have to not let them form. John and I both love it. If Ty, Gen or Bella wants to sleep with us, it is OK. I wonder if when they are in high school they will hate it if I sneak into their room for a cuddle? Since they very well might, I will take advantage of the beauty of it now--and it is beautiful.

Parents, if you haven't slept with your child in over two months, it is time to get a cuddle session in. They will love it, and you will not be sorry.

A Survey.....

2010-01-29T11:53:00.004-05:00

Rachel posted a survey, and it looked interesting, one that makes you think.....so courtesy of Miss DeFazio....here I go....

1. My grandpa once: told me to always turn the other cheek, and be the better person. Sounded silly when I was 12, but I grew to understand what he meant. He was right.

2. Never in my life have I: loved anyone as much as I now love my husband and kids.

3. When I was younger, I: was a typical girl that loved to play school and dreamt of marrying a Prince.

4. High school was: the time of my life.

5.When I'm nervous: I smile a lot, and I get a red hot neck and face.

6. The last time I really cried was: just a few weeks ago.

7. If I were to get married right now: then it must mean that J and I are renewing our vows!

8. My hair is: different ever since I had the kids.

9. My feet are: one of my favorite things because they keep all my favorite shoes on, get to sink their toes in the sand, walk barefoot in freshly cut grass, and play footsie with my kids and hubby.

10. When I was 5: my Mom was my hero.

11. Last Christmas: was a special one because Mimi was here for it and because Christmas is always so special with little ones.

12. When I turn my head left: um OK..I see a very cool writing sample that Tyler did in school last year that always makes my day, a picture of Rachel and I, one of my sis and I, and lots of the kids on my peg board at work.

13. When I turn my head right: more pictures on my file cabinet, windows, and Rachel!

14. My life is not complete without: the people I love in it.

15. By this time next year: I hope things are different.

16. I have a hard time understanding: this crazy war, why people can be so hard on each other. We are all human after all aren't we? Alas, is this the problem? Sigh.

17. One time at a family gathering: this one could go on forever. There was the one time my uncle fell in the burning charcoal, the time I peed my pants from laughing so hard, the time my Mom got so drunk she begged me to go to the bathroom with her to help her splash water on her face ( I was a teen, it was very amusing) so she wouldn't fall over.

18. Take my advice: always tell the truth.

19. My ideal breakfast is: the one that you eat at about 11am on a Sunday.

20. If you visit my hometown: make sure to hit the beach, go to Versailles or La Carreta for dinner, and pick up some pastelitos and a cortadito! YUMMY!

21. My friends are: AWESOME!

22. If you spend the night at my house: bring extra blankets, and be prepared to be woken up by little feet bright and early!

23. I would stop my wedding if: well I didn't stop it when my in laws brought a DOG as a wedding gift to the actual wedding and our best man was told to lose the rings......so I think someone would have to be dying, or one of us got cold feet.

24. The world could do without: a lot of things, but we just have to make the best of what we have and take care of what is left of it.

25. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick the belly of a frog, but both are highly unlikely unless there are major dollar signs attached to it.

26. The most recent thing I've bought myself is: nothing. I shop for others, i.e, my kids and hubby, and J shops for me, it's a giving tree, always a win!

27. And, by the way: if I do buy something for myself, it is usually a pair of shoes.

28. The last time I was high: High? On what?

29. In the past I shouldn't have been: so trusting and careless.

30. Once, at a bar/club: I danced all night, lost one of my favorite earrings, and broke one of my heels. It was a GREAT night.

31. Last night, I: was feeling sick and came home and had a nap.

32. If I didn't have any obligations tomorrow: I would have a girl day. Read, snuggle in some blankets, watch movies, sip coffee, and do my nails.

33. A better name for me would be: Veronica. It is my name. My Mom gave it to me. My grandpa helped pick it because he loved Veronica Lake. I would not change it, but I do dislike it.

34. In the last 6 months: life has not been an easy ride, but I have done a lot of learning, and that is irreplaceable.

35. If I ever go back to school: I would get a Teaching degree.

36. I bet you didn't know: that I would love to have another baby.

37. I am: very tired.

38. I read: but not enough. Mainly just blogs and on-line news.

39. Every birthday: I am thankful for another year but not happy about the number attached to it.

40. I regret: that I didn't back pack Europe when I was younger. Other than that, I think I have decided to never look back.

When Life Throws You Avocados...

2010-01-26T16:24:00.006-05:00

......MAKE GUACAMOLE!!!.......

Who knew that playing with avocados could be so much fun!? Here are my best buds and I playing with our food one day.......

* No he didn't really bite into that.

* Before the avocado suffered its demise.

* Bye Bye avocado......

* The big brown eyes that take my breath away.

* One of my favorite photos ever. You can feel the love just by looking at it!!!

REFOCUS

2010-01-14T12:04:00.007-05:00

Happy 2010 everybody! I am giving 2010 a theme for myself, I will simply focus on REFOCUSING. In all I do I will to try to take the task at hand and then refocus on it and decide where my efforts should actually lie. What is actually meaningful here? What is important? I often find that with a full plate sometimes I waste time on something that seems important at the time, but in hindsight it didn't make a difference in my life or the lives of others.

I plan to REFOCUS on:

Only whats important, mainly family.
What I should spend my money on.
How I should spend my few extra minutes.
What is important to my kids. Refocusing is very important with them, because in the end all these little people want is time with me. So I have to make more quality time for them. Buying them a toy or whatever is just a momentary fix. In the end there is a lot more to their happiness and enrichment.
Organizing. Not so much redoing and revamping, but just refocusing my home and office and life.
Being a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, grand daughter and sister.
Reading. I miserably fail at this one!
ME!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

A Beautiful Mess

2009-12-28T12:51:00.005-05:00

Christmas can really leave you feeling kind of,well, scrooge like! John and I work and work all month getting "ready" for Christmas. There are lights to put up, a tree to trim, old toys to go through to make room for new ones, gifts to buy and wrap, food to make, a house to clean, by the time the 25th rolls around you are exhausted to say the least. To top it all off, all that effort seems like it was in vain, by the time the 26th is here, the house looks like a wreck! I am really not kidding about this either. I can barely concentrate today just thinking about all I now have to do.

The house looked really gorgeous with all the decorations up, did I mention I LOVE our tree this year? The trees in the kids room were so pretty too. All of our gifts were finally wrapped beautifully under the tree after our marathon on Christmas Eve/Christmas morning. The doll house was built. The bathrooms were sparkling. The ham was ready. Finally, Christmas can come. It did just that, came and went. We even had (still have) family in from Miami, so there are currently 6 kids under 6 with us! We can definitely see the impact of the the kiddos too. Last night while I was exhausting my last little bit of energy trying to "tidy" up I realized I needed to get over it. Who the hell cares about all the mess. As picked up I saw so much beauty in all of it. It first hit me when I came across the children's pajama's.

As I picked up mounds of clothes, I neatly folded the kids Christmas PJ's from the nights before. They were matching ones, they were so adorable! First were Tyler's. The bottoms were so long, he is so big I thought. This was his 7th Christmas, it was so surreal. Then came Gen's same PJ, smaller size, but still, the pants were long, reminding me of how tall they are getting, yet these were little. Gen is so petite. Lastly came Belle's. The smallest of the three, but she is so tall that the top can probably fit Genesis. There laid 6 matching pieces. I remembered their smiling faces, lighting up on Christmas morning in their matching PJ's. They were too sweet. I didn't put them in the laundry, I left them on the chair in my room. I just wanted to look at them.
I then attempted to clean up the playroom a little bit. No way though, it was quite the feat. What a mess! Not with new toys though, the old ones. I tried to tip toe through the endless piles of their treasures. Did what I could, didn't make a dent. Then I smiled. The reason it was torn up is because the kids and their cousins had a sleep over the day after Christmas. There were 5 cuties on the floor in their sleeping bags. It was the cutest site ever. They watched movies, played with flashlights, ate popcorn, threw crap at each other, and were up until about 3AM. WOW! John and I listened in for about an hour through their monitor. We were cracking up at the things they were saying and doing when no one was looking. They are good kids, they deserved that time together. Bonding. Playing. Growing Up. What memories they built right there on that covered floor. I was happy for them!
Whew, moved on the Ty's room. Just a week before it was all neat and tidy, his tree sparkling on his dresser. Now his new toys lined the floor and his train table. I saw big boy toys now. A flat screen TV, DVD player, DSi, books that he can now read to himself, games, etc. Still his passion however, dinosaurs! Lots of them scattered about. There is my baby I said to myself! There he is right there in Dino Land as he calls it. On the way out I turned off the light, and looked in one more time, made me tear up a bit. There was his train table and Thomas the Train bed, two things he desperately wanted a few years ago, and now the two things he is wanting to get rid of and trade for a big boy loft bed.
On to the girls room. Double Trouble! This pretty pink room has clothes galore. The joys of being a girl starts young! There were clothes everywhere! That was all I was able to pick up! I then stacked their new toys in two different piles, one for each daughter. I felt happy in this room. I wanted to play with Gens new baby station, and her Hanna Montana dancing game, I wished I fit into her new pink cords. I chuckled at the two different piles, two girls yet worlds apart. Mickey stuff for Bella, and Rock Star things for Gen. Bella got a new Ariel doll, boy is she cute, I cant wait to open that one with her tonight. Their tree is lovely, adorned with a Princess tree skirt and ornaments, it is pink of course. Gen still loves it, Bella calls it the Little Mermaid Tree. I am grateful they get to share these sorts of things and memories. I just feel good in their room, and it feels good to know that they do too.
Downstairs I washed Christmas platters, put away Christmas mugs, threw away left overs, and emptied the dishwasher only to fill it again. I hate picking up the kitchen, always have, especially after an "event"! The mess meant however that my family was over for Christmas. All of us together one more time. There were plenty of times this year I thought my Mimi would not be here for this one. She was though, and she was marvelous. She came in feeling nauseous from her meds, but she made every ones Christmas. The kids loved what Santa left at Mimi's house. That is where Ty's TV came from (this was at the top of his list, and his damn TV is nicer than mine!), and a Doll House for Gen that is almost triple her size, she can not reach the top story! My Mimi, Mom and I enjoyed our Christmas mugs, sipping coffee and eating pastries on Christmas day while that mess surrounded us. At that moment I didn't care about the mess, so why should I care about it that day? I stopped grunting and did what I could.
There are like 5 trash bags on my porch (sorry but it was way too cold to walk them to the garbage cans) it saddened me a bit because I work so hard to wrap each gift just so. I laughed at that because there sat all my ribbons and bows in a trash bag. Just like John warned me they would. I didn't care, they made someone happy that morning and that is all that mattered anyway.
I then put away all the sheets that were left in the family room. My sister and her husband from Florida slept on the pull out the night before. They were cold and used every last blanket and throw I owned. I neatly folded them up and went to the linen closet downstairs to put them away, I found the greatest Christmas present for myself in there. I keep all the blankets on the top shelf. We use them on movie nights and when we are talking on the couch etc. When Isabella was a baby I kept receiving blankets for her in there too. I always kept one in her swing as well. The day it was time to pack that swing up I took her light pink receiving blanket with tiny polka dots on it and tossed it in a pile to wash with the rest of her blankets. When I eventually got to that pile I took a big sniff of that blanket and I can still remember the baby smell, and the Dreft. At that very moment I folded that one back up and tucked it away at the very bottom of my blanket shelf. Since they used every last blanket, you guessed it, there was MY treasure. My hands were full of blankets, and I barely reach the top shelf anyway, It simply didn't matter. I tossed those neatly folded blankets on the ground and grabbed the receiving blanket. It smelled just as I remembered it. I sat on the the now messy blankets (once more) on the floor and just breathed that baby smell in. DELICIOUS!!! I was in the middle of a beautiful mess, and I didn't give a crap. I took a minute or two, then folded and put those blankets up again. I thought about washing and putting away that receiving blanket , but of course, I didn't. I am sure I will run into that blanket again one day at the bottom of the stack. I just hope it will still smell just as good. I think of it as putting away a little gift for myself for next winter. What a treat.

Our home is still a mess, it is a beautiful Christmas mess. This was a very Merry Christmas for all of us, even with all of its obstacles. I am so lucky to know some great people, and so blessed to have my family with me. I am thankful for life, my children, and will count our blessing as we kiss 2009 good-bye. I hope all of you had a great Christmas and I wish all of you the most beautiful Christmas mess EVER!

With love, and arms spread wide apart,
V

Things That Make Winter Worth It

2009-12-21T12:33:00.003-05:00

Little girls in tights and Mary Janes ♥
Sweater slipper boots ♥
Long awaited sweater boots ♥
Cuddling at parades ♥
Hot chocolate ♥
Starbucks or Caribou White Choc Peppermint Mocha ♥
Crackling Fires ♥
Christmas Movies ♥
The smell of pine ♥
Fleece blankets ♥
Little boys in toboggans ♥
Cold baby noses ♥
Waiting for Santa ♥
Christmas ribbons in my daughters' hair ♥
Family time ♥
Planning Summer vacations ♥

Us on Bella, 2 Years Later

2009-12-08T12:49:00.013-05:00

I just can't believe that our little Isabella Grace is now 2 years old! She has got to be the happiest little thing ever. Bella brings endless volumes of smiles and joy to our lives. For her 2nd Birthday "she" chose a Mickey Mouse party. We had her grandparents and aunts and uncle, and cousin over and she had a ball! Bella loves balloons and there were plenty, all over the place, for her she had a huge birthday cake and I made Alton Brown's mac and cheese, (her favorite) and she loved it!

It is unimaginable that she has been a part of our lives for 2 whole years, it goes by so fast! I can still remember bringing her home, I was so anxious at how I was going to make her part of the inseparable Tyler and Genesis tag team. While it may have been rocky at first, everyone is just in love with the baby of the family, she is- and will always be- rotten! None of the Lara's would have it any other way of course.

TY ON BELLA:

Since the moment he laid eyes on her Tyler has loved his baby sister. He could not wait to meet her at the hospital, he instantly smiled, and he held her tiny little hand. Tyler always wanted to help with the baby, he would tap her little butt when she was crying in her bassinet, he would put her paci back in her mouth, or run to get John or I when she woke up. Tyler is a great big brother. He always says "Mommy, if we have another baby it better be a boy, I just can't take care of another little sister". He has made it his role to take care of these girls, and that is what he does. When he talks to Bells he changes his voice and talks to her so gently. Tyler thinks Bella is so funny, and that she is!! She is always making these funny faces and she will do just about anything to get us to laugh, she loves the attention. Dinner time is a treat with Bella, she keeps us rolling in laughter, her big brother is always her supporter. "Look at Bella", "Look at Bella" he says! He adores his baby sister and she really adores him too! When I asked him what he would like to say to Bella on her birthday, he said: " Happy Birthday Bella, I promise to play "supermarket" with your new gifts, (which he has!!) I love you and you are funny!"

GEN ON BELLA:

Gen has really grown up since Isabella has been born. In the beginning she was really jealous of Isabella. I remember Gen turning the TV volume up as far as she can get it to drown out Isabella when she was crying as a newborn! Funny now, not so much back then! The tables have now definitely turned, I think Isabella is quite fond of her sister and now she is the one jealous of Gen. If Gen gets near myself or John, Bella will get really mad and swat her off of us, or say "my spot", "my spot" until she moves away from us. Bella looks up to her big sister and Gen is happy to show her the way. Gen is quite the little mommy now. Gen helps Bella at the play ground, or anywhere in public and she is always looking out for her baby sister. She used to call her Bella Bellisima, she still says her baby sister is beautiful. I asked Genesis what she would like to say to Isabella for her birthday...here it goes....."Bella you are funny, and you are pretty, you have to be a little more quiet though, Happy Birthday, I love you!" (they both do think she is funny, and I would have to definitely agree).

JOHN AND I ON BELLA:

John: Can you say smitten? I love the look in Johns eyes when he looks at Bells. He has a special place for all three kids, but a special bond with his baby doll. In part it is because John has been laid-off an entire year and has been her care-taker. Bella is Johns Snuggle Buddy, shopping partner, helper, and everything else you can imagine. They do it all together. We feel so blessed that he was able to spend this critical time of growth with our daughter. We can never get this year back, but it is OK, she was able to get so much out of it and that is irreplaceable.

Me: I will have to blog about this later some other time. For now I will just say, that Bella takes my breath away. Entirely. She is gorgeous, funny, sweet, and everything little girls are made of. It is bittersweet to see her turn two. Our "baby" is no longer a baby, she is growing up by the minute. I have to cherish every moment that I have and relish it. Isabella is such a sweet heart, she loves her brother and sister, her Daddy, and I am so lucky to have her love as well. It is unconditional. I cannot imagine our lives without her. She fits in seamlessly in the special spot that was always saved just for her. Sure, she knows how to work the baby thing to her benefit, and I say, kudos to her. That is OK with us. We love you baby girl, more that words can ever say!!

Our Soundtrack

2009-11-30T14:42:00.011-05:00

On November 21st John and I celebrated our 11th year of marriage. With the craziness of my job, his unemployment, battling the flu, Thanksgiving, etc, we really didn't do much to celebrate. That is OK with me because we celebrate us all the time, whenever we can, not just one day a year, and that is actually the way I prefer it.

November 21st, 1998, we signed up to a life devoted life to one another, we declared we would beat the odds, prove people wrong, grow together, start a family, laugh, live and share. We have done that all these years and I look forward to continuing it. Him and I, Mr. and Mrs. Lara, and I like the sound of that. (so much so, that maybe I will finally make that my official name in the 12th year)

One thing that I did do for our anniversary, on my own, was take a tour of us in my mind, just personally reminiscing. Funny how every memory can be set to a song almost, if you pay close attention. Whether it be a song on the radio, a download on the Ipod or part of our CD collection, it dawned on me that without meaning to, we have set our entire lives to music. After so many years together a song will come on and it will take me back to when John and I ........... or we heard that when we went to..........etc. Funny how you may not notice that your mind captured that note, but it does, and it uses those notes to take you back every time.

There are many, many, that I can add to this list, but these are some of my highlights. It was so hard to just pick one for each year, so sometimes there are more. They may not hold too much meaning here in writing, but each one makes me smile or shed a tear. Each song takes me back to a place I want to be able to revisit whenever I wish. Most of these stick out in my mind because I relate them to something. Though not my favorite thing to listen to, a lot of these are country songs. Country songs contain great stories and lyrics and somehow apply really well. Each song different, each a part of our personal soundtrack.

1998 From This Moment- Shania Twain
Our wedding song. We had just left Miami and move with my family to the mountains of NC, so we opted for a country song, with PERFECT lyrics.

1999 Miami- Wil Smith
We missed home, A LOT, when this song was released. We were determined to make NC our new home anyway though. In 98 we moved from Miami, FL to the mountains of NC. We then relocated from the mountains of NC to Cary, NC. We still miss Miami, but love where we now call home.

2000 Steal My Kisses- Ben Harper
Though one of his "poppier" tunes, this is the song that introduced us to Ben Harper. We went to his concert in 2000 by chance and Harper had so much more to offer. It was a great show, and we became big fans on that night. The second line of the song says:
"And since your headin' up to Carolina, You know I'm gonna be right there behind you" I hold that line so near to my heart, because had John not decided to drop and leave everything behind for me, we would not be where we are today. I did head to Carolina, and he was right there behind me. I wonder if he knows that is why I actually love this song?

2001 Bring on the Rain- Jo Dee Messina (with Tim Mcgraw)
An amazing and powerful song. Can't rain be so therapeutic and cleansing? 2001 was probably our bumpiest year and this quickly became my anthem. Great song to let out some tears to, wipe them off your face, and get back up feeling empowered. Some of 2000 and 2001 are years I thought I would always want to soon forget, but now I realize it is part of who we are today. Much to my surprise, I don't think I would trade it.

2002 Amazed- Lonestar
After a year and a half of hard emotional times things were definitely getting better. John sang this song to me once, and I melted. He sings this one well at karaoke and such. Always gives me the butterflies in the stomach feeling. Never thought I could feel that special and that is what this song is, special! Speaking of special, this year gets 2 songs. My cousin got married in June of 2002 and his wedding song was Its Your Love- Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill. John and I gave each other a look when it came on because it is another "special" one. Another one that reminds me of us. It was a great night and a beautiful sea side Miami wedding.

2003 The Day (You Gave Me a Son)- Babyface
Tyler Jon Lara was born 06/18/2003, so this year gets several songs. First child, big year! The Babyface one above, if you have a son yourself, this one may make you tear up. There is no greater gift than a child, when I hear this I am reminded that I had a part in his making, well I know, a BIG part, but the thing is I am just so thankful for him (all my kids) that I don't really think of it that way. I love that I was able to give Mr. Lara a son. John always makes us video collages, and he made one of Tyler for his first year. It was from the day he was born throughout that first awesome year, and it was set to When I See You Smile- Bad English, and that disc makes us both cry, every time. John says this song is how he felt about Tyler that entire first year, and this oldie is so meaningful now. Really, if you don't take the time to read any of these lyrics, do look back at this one. Last but not least, Danny's Song- Kenny Loggins. Yes, weird, I know, but this is what I sang to Tyler when he was a baby, for whatever reason, mainly the part that says: "In the mornin' when I rise Bring a tear of joy to my eyes And tell me everything's gonna be all right". While John sang mainly the Winnie the Pooh song, ha.

2004 No Women No Cry- Bob Marley
Genesis Nicole Lara was born 08/06/2004. Another BIG year! Gen was a big cry baby, really big, always mad about something. I think she cried that entire first year. Naturally, John would sing some Marley to her at 3AM, whatever worked, but seeing him rock and sing this to her was the best part of my day sometimes; even through the tears and sleepless nights. In 2004, John, Tyler and I moved into our first home three months before Gen was born. Of course, I have a song that in a twisted way reminds me of that too. It is a silly song that I used to like because I thought it was so funny, it is Itty Bitty- Alan Jackson, but for this year, that song seemed appropriate, 2004 was a great year!

2005 You and Me- Lifehouse This is right about when life started to go really, really fast for us. A blur almost. Lifehouse I really enjoy, and this song brings me back to what mattered. Nothing can make time sit still for me and restore my being like John can. This song is a good reminder of my safe place. There is actually one more Lifehouse song that John and I like, and this one too helps me keep my head in a great place, Hanging by a Moment- Lifehouse. When Tyler was a toddler he loved the movie Shark Tale, and the Bob Marley song, Three Little Birds , you know the one that says "every little thing is gonna be allright", nice simple song, and it makes all of us feel good!

2006 100 Years- Five for Fighting, Talk about a whirl wind, John turned 30 in 06. He didn't really take that so well. He never mentions, but I see the wheels turning when he hears this song. He really likes it and I feel like he relates to it. We both love this one, and it is just a reminder to cherish every moment. John also loves the song Its a Great Day to Be Alive- Travis Trit, everyone needs a feel good song or two, more so when you are turning 30 I suppose.

2007 In My Daughters Eyes- Martina McBride Isabella Grace Lara made her debut into our lives on 11/29/07. We now had two daughters! It was some kind of awakening! 2007 was all about daughters, and the shock that somehow we now had TWO, and that now it was my turn to be 30! When I was pregnant with Bella, and I was about to have my birthday, we went to go see Knocked Up, this movie hit home with everything going on in it, kind of like I was there, and at the end of the movie, the song was Loudon Wainwright's - Daughter, I loved it. The "daughter" songs were everywhere! This Martina McBride one I loved even before I met Bells, but wow, it is incredible. Every single line of this song TRUE and applicable for me, pretty wonderful lyrics. Then there is Daughters- John Mayer, My Little Girl, Tim McGraw, (which is also on the soundtrack to one of Gen's favorite movies Flicka), Cinderella- Steven Curtis Chapman, (such a sweet and true song).

2008 Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Iz and Everything- Michael Buble Nothing is better than belting out some tunes while in the car with the kids! Gen is quite the singer. It melts my heart to hear her sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow at the top of her lungs, especially this version, and when Tyler jumps in to join her, it is so cute! We also sing Everything together a lot. John came home one day in 2008, so eager to play a song for me, you can read the details here, and the song was Everything, it made him tear up, I will never forget that, and all of the Lara's love this song.

2009 Remember When- Alan Jackson That's what I did this past week...I remembered when. This song tells a lot of our story, with the exception of one thing it is all accurate, and true. There is not much to it but it leaves me kind of speechless. It is amazing when a song can do that. We have lived every verse of this song, and we are currently working on the last verse. I guess we will always be working on that. In the mean time, the sound of little feet is still the music we dance to week to week. The best part is that we get to dance together.

I love you Mr. Lara, Thanks for always playing our song. Happy Anniversary!

Pots of Gold

2009-11-09T13:55:00.003-05:00

Rainbow:

1. multicolored arc in sky: an arc of light separated into bands of color that appears when the Sun's rays are refracted and reflected by drops of mist or rain. The colors of the rainbow are conventionally said to be red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

No matter where you seemingly position yourself on these "arcs", undeniably there will always be a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow, whether you are climbing to the top, or sliding on a strong downward spiral. Just look in that special place that is in all of us, there they are.

My Pots of Gold:

- Came home last week and John said he had a surprise for me. The house was spotless, so I thought that was it. He took me upstairs to my closet, all my clothes neatly hung up and shoes all in order. I looked a little closer and let out a big scream. There, in the center of perfect tidiness, lay my Rainbow sandals. John cracked up and thought it was a classic V moment.

-New baby, new life! Welcome to the world Liam Nash Collins. (this name will undoubtedly be in lights some day, way to go Mom and Dad, I LOVE your little man's name!!) Congrats to Matt and Tiffany. Enjoy every second of your new family and treasure. Liam is absolutely perfect!

- We have all been pretty sick this week, so after a long day at work I snuck upstairs to take a hot bath hoping no little people would follow me upstairs. I drew my bath, laid out some PJ's and was feeling pretty impressed at the silence. I jump in the tub, and in the distance I hear the pitter patter of little feet, albeit one of my favorites sounds, the silence was too. Amazingly my bathroom door doesn't open as I soak. Then I hear Genesis in my room, signing. I love to hear her sing when she doesn't realize anyone is listening. I had the best bath ever.

-Bella pushing her grocery cart all over the house.

-Tyler's first loose tooth.

-Yummy dinners made by my honey which we have all been enjoying together as a family.

-The fire in the leaves.

-Streets covered in leaves of all colors.

-Genesis and I doing a Hello Kitty Craft and coloring. We did this OUR way, which means we had our coffee mugs in hand and fluffy socks on our feet. Just her and I. It was perfect.

-Cuddling with Isabella. She is so petite, and the perfect little cuddle size.

-Tyler passing every single one of his times Math tests, with flying colors. I worry all day, just to come home and see 20/20 in big red ink at the top of his papers.

-Hot coffee.

-Watching John try to earn a "coin" on Mario Galaxy. Watching him grow frustrated as he unsuccessfully attempts it while Tyler and I give him hell. Then watching Tyler have to do it for him. Daddy just hasn't mastered the long jump technique and without it there is NO COIN.

- My bed.

What are in your Pots of Gold? Every rainbow has one!

XOXO,
V

Desperately Seeking Rainbows

2009-10-23T00:06:00.000-04:00

Dear Rainbows,

I have searched high and low for you, and have no idea where you can be. I thought an ad may be a great way to find just what I am looking for.

I am a size 6, with cute toes, usually painted just so. I would enjoy a long walk with you this evening. You are also about a size 6, but a size Small is what I think you prefer to be called. You have a beautiful dark chocolate color to you and a double arch which is quite smooth. I am very lonely without you.

It is Fall now, and I would really like to see a Rainbow right about now. I love the Fall as you know, and we did everything together this time of year. Most people use you in the Spring and Summer, but we partied all year, with the exception of maybe sometime in December and January. Was I not good enough for you?

Your sisters are still with me. They are pink and sweet, but getting tired and old. I miss the ability to have a Rainbow that matches with everything, and were even practically new. Your sisters enjoy the attention but are seriously missing you as well. Your spot in the room you shared with them is waiting for you.

Did you leave me for another? Did I upset you? Or do you think I left you? Are you somewhere alone and scared wondering where I am? Did someone steal you from one of our adventures together? Did I leave you stranded?

Wherever you are, I miss you! My feet miss you! My sweatshirt and jeans miss you! I will not give up the search. I will search high and low until I find that pot of gold at the end of the Rainbows!

Desperately Seeking Rainbows,
Veronica

PS In case my "old man" is reading this and thinking of a replacement.....I like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, sorry I like Yoga, making love at midnight on the dunes sounds great, and I have half a brain. So find me the perfect Rainbow please. The perfect pair of Rainbow Flippy Floppies!! Anything short of a little desperate??

Love,
Veronica

Sophia Elizabeth

2009-10-18T23:30:00.003-04:00

I am a slacker Blogger as of late. My extra time has been spent with my husband sipping adult beverages and catching up on us. With my kids picking Halloween costumes, decorating for Fall, and visiting Pumpkin Patches. It has been a busy but fun month. I LOVE FALL!!! Of course on "my" time I have been sipping those yummy Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. I bought a very cute planner at the kids' book fair at Barnes and Nobles which I am in love with, and an even cuter Vera Bradley Coupon Organizer thing. The trick will be seeing if their cuteness entices me to use them. God knows I have to, keeping up with all of our appointments and school activities etc is getting to be quite the challenge in the Lara household. Anyhow, that is my recap in a nutshell.

In some amazing news, on September 21st I was able to see my niece Sophia Elizabeth, come into this world. My sister allowed me the honor to participate in the birth and it was an amazing experience. I will be honest, I was thinking a lot of things, which I am not sure if I should share, but I will anyway. Here are some of the voices in my head that night while I was witness to this incredible experience....(Vikki went in the to hospital at about 1am on September 21st, a Monday after laboring at home on and off on Sunday, and she was born at 7:07 AM)

Wow, this is the first time I see my sister naked down south, this is so weird.
OK, this is my little bratty sister, why isn't she screaming and yelling and falling apart on that bed? Bitch.
What the hell is that? Oh My God, wait, that was me on that bed just two years ago....and then three years before that, and wait, only one year before that. Shit, I did this three times? In front of John and a male doctor? This can not be good. Shit, shit, shit.
"You are going to break her water?" OK doc go right ahead, I am sleepy and I know when that water breaks there will be a baby a peaking. Break it, go on, do it. Oh no, wrong again, I should have turned around. That is some dirty water. Lots of it. The baby swims in that?
Did you just poop?
Nurse says "look at all this hair, take a look Auntie". I look and out loud say, "wait is that Vikki's or the baby's?" My bad, had I really done this three times? It surely wasn't evident.
Aw, my little sister is so brave. She is engaging in conversation while a head peaks out of her girl. Now she is strong.
"Tata" she says with sad eyes. "Yeah" I mumble. "The epidural really isn't working right now, at least not anymore." I respond, "I bet honey, when it is time, nothing works anymore." I am really thinking: "I mean you should see the size of that thing coming out of there, ain't nothing going to make you feel better."
I become a better coach all of a sudden thinking of my own miracles..."Vikki, listen to me, don't lose it, you have done so well....." "Nothing will feel good now, that is until you get to hold your beautiful daughter in just a little while" She tears up. I tear up. She breathes through a contraction, and looks at me as if saying, all right, game on. Same glare she had in her eyes as a kid when we were competing in a sport or a shopping spree (those shoes are mine bitch kind of look, come on you know the one) And it was on. Her Mommy Game was in full force, that game face of hers, UNBREAKABLE! I knew it would be time.
About 15 minutes later, not even, Sophia made her entrance into this world. Vikki didn't have to push much, but when she did, she gave it her all. She is sometimes laid back and lazy by nature, I think that was an asset in this case. In her little mind she must have been like, "well, don't expect me to do this much longer, it is now or never". And she was off. Efficiently pushing life out of her body. No cursing, just concentration. I held her leg and she gave it all she had. Then there appeared this tiny little wet body that I instantly loved, and then her Mommy looking at her so proud and relieved. It was miraculous and beautiful. I cried as I watched, and was shaking as I reached for the camera. She was so beautiful. Her and her Mommy both were at that very moment.

When Sophi arrived, I couldn't believe that although she wasn't my child, it was like if she was. I love her so much more than I thought I could. Maybe it was because I was there, maybe it was because Vikki and I are finally restoring our relationship and someone was looking out for us because I was there when it counted. I didn't miss this in her life. She was there for my first two births and we always talked about this day. There I was, there she was, and we aren't kids anymore just talking about it, so incredibly surreal.

Vikki gazed at her daughter for the first time, and it was so amazing to watch. Then the voice was back in my head, but now it was more forgiving. Now it reminded me:

Of the tears in Johns eyes when he couldn't help me push, he wasn't looking at the nasty stuff, and if he was he didn't let me know it, but I knew that if he could do it for me, he totally would. How hard it must be for him to watch. Until helping Vikki, I never had this perspective.
Reminded me what a full circle moment that must be for my Mom, to see her baby have her own baby. How crazy is that?
I was reminded how for those hours, time stands completely still. The pain is unbearable but it doesn't matter. The worry is so great you can't even think, the reward so big you can't even begin to fathom it. Seriously, it is an elation of "nothing else matters". We are exactly where we are supposed to be for one of the few times in life. I remember pushing. Each time. Each time different. None of them easy. All of them the best me I ever put forward. Every time. Vikki put her best her forward too. I am so very proud of her.
I realized how much harder it was to be on the "side" of the bed, rather than the one "on" the bed, enduring the events that took place. I wasn't going to stand there and say " I know it hurts", or "wait til this happens", or anything like that. So I stood there, wishing I could take her pain away. It was so hard to see her go through such feelings.

That's when the voice in my head got too loud, and I could have really cried out loud, but I didn't. I have said before how I remember the births of my children, and I do, but there is something about that first time. Vikki was going through that. I remember hearing Tyler cry. I remember his Daddy's face, so proud and in awe. I remember my Mommy's face. I remember trying to check him out. I could not believe that he was living inside of me. No way I got him out! But I did, just like she did, and as they say, the rest is history.

I hugged my kids tight that night. Enjoyed the smell of a newborn. Watched a living miracle right before my eyes. Listened to that beautiful new healthy cry. The one every parent wants to hear for affirmation all is well. Thought about how some parents heartbreakingly do not get to hear it. Thought about what it means to be a Mother. Thought about this unmeasurable miracle. Thought about how awesome it is to be a woman. September 21st was a good day. One that I will never forget.

Her initials are S.E.T. The advice I gave my sister that night was : "Ready or not here she comes little sis, ready, SET, go!" And to my beautiful niece I say, "Ready, SET, Go Sophia! The world is yours."

Welcome to the world Niecey Noodle.

We love you so much

Sophia Elizabeth Tollefsen!!

Sophia Elizabeth Tollefsen

9.21.2009

7:07 AM

7 pounds 10 ounces

19 3/4 inch long

Perfectly sweet in every way

Genesis Nicole

2009-09-17T13:45:00.012-04:00

Genesis Is..........

Doodle.......I used to call her Doodle Bug...now it is just Doodle. Sometimes Princess Doodle.

"Beautiful Baby From the Outside In" .............. one of the many songs that her Daddy sings to her.

Nene................What Tyler and Isabella lovingly call her.

An awesome BIG sister, always there to help her baby sister. And an even more awesome LITTLE sister!

Tyler's Best Friend and Isabella's Role Model. Bella is always Nene this and Nene that....

A great singer. She loves to sing!! All the time! Sometimes unfortunately to Hannah Montana...but other times it is to Somewhere over the Rainbow which melts her Daddy's heart....or to one of his favorites (and hers too) Michael Buble.

A great dresser. She has amazing fashion sense for a 5 year old. Really amazing!

The loudest cryer I know! Seriously this girl can turn on the water works like nothing, and there is a loud wail to go with it. Nothing has changed, in the hospital the nurses took her for some tests and they kept returning her because she was screaming and couldn't do the hearing test! We were not allowed to take her until it was done and it took over three tries, over two days, she could be heard down the hall.

My little Drama Queen.

Very shy around people at first.

Helpful. So helpful. Her and I jam out to the radio and clean together, it is great fun! I mean she will do anything, pick up, dishes, load the dishwasher, and loves to do it.

Smart for a girl. In Ty's words not mine!! She will not let Tyler get too ahead of her, she tries to keep up with him as best she can. I know it secretly drives her insane that Ty can read and she can't quite yet. It is funny.

A pint-sized Julia Roberts. She has a smile that can light up the darkest of nights!

Good at pretending. She pretends to be my best friend, which she has named herself "Rachel". She can do this for hours.

Petunia. Just a word she likes and uses it often, especially when being silly. She calls us and Tyler that every once in a while. He just laughs at her. It is pretty cute in a silly way. Guess she completed her mission!

My soul mate and Daddy's baby girl.

My sleeping buddy, and boy can she cuddle!

A big fan of my good friend which I love like a little sister, and assitant at work Rachel. She cant wait to be older and she loves Rachel!! She loves her hair and clothes and apartment and college and on and on the list goes! She really looks up to her.

Our "Brown Eyed Girl". (another one she loves to sing!)

Italian I think, ha...she can tear up some Spaghetti and Meatballs.

The apple of her Grandpa's eye.

Grandma's Star.

A pony lover and a gymnast.

A Princess and a girly-girl. (one that can be so tough when need be though!)

A bit of a fibber at times; a stage we are hoping she gets out of soon!

My Starbucks partner. This year for her birthday she was able to go to the store and pick out her own gifts, among them was a hot pink, retro Barbie travel coffee mug! Really, what 5 year old picks that? So glad she did though, it is so cute I can totally borrow it! I love it!

Beautiful. Kind. Special. Clumsy. Loving. Caring. Thoughtful. Funny.

And best of all Mine!!

Genesis, I love you so very much Doodle! I know you had a wonderful birthday and we are so very proud of you in so many ways. I am so very proud to call you my daughter. Your name means new beginnings, and you are truly a new beginning for me in a lot of ways. Having a daughter was very new to me when I first held you in my arms that afternoon, but I knew nothing would ever be the same. It was definately a new beginning, one that I never want to end. I am so very lucky to have you Soul. You are amazing and I love you from the very depths of my heart, now and always. Continue to be YOU. You are perfect in absolutely every way possible.

Love Always and Forever,

Mommy, Daddy, Tyler and Bella

Been MIA

2009-08-24T11:46:00.005-04:00

The days are really getting ahead of me yet again. In the past month this is what has been going on, you will see, I was MIA with good reason! These are random tid bits of my life now.......

Genesis started Kindergarten ----- She did so much better than I ever imagined and I am so proud of her. She even earned Hedgehog of the week!! Gen has really been enjoying her new friends and teachers. Bittersweet as ever to let my little one go on that hard day. Her perfect little dress she picked herself, the cutest Hello Kitty lunch box and pack back, tiny sandals, and ribbon in her hair....awww heart breaking! I couldn't have asked for a better transition though. She is full of surprises this one!

Tyler started 1st grade ------- He is loving his new class and teacher. He says to me "Mommy, she is young and pretty, and I know we will have lots of fun!" Gees, all true, the girl is super fit, young, intelligent (working on masters now) and beautiful, the class has 26 students, 18 of which are boys...I wonder how she will manage!! He is reading up a storm these days. He is such a big boy now, this teacher makes them write down all their assignments and such in an agenda. It is so amazing to see that he is getting the concept. He is only 6! I am 32 and can barely keep up with a planner.

(pics of first day of school to come soon)

Vikki's shower has finally come and gone ---- She is about to have this baby any day now! I can't believe it! It has gone so fast and I will be an auntie again. SOOOO excited, this one is from my little sister ( I have a niece and nephew in Miami from my half sister which I adore but do not get to see much at all) The shower went great! She had everyone that loved her there, and my little sister looked absolutely radiant on that day. Absolutely gorgeous! I messed up though because I made her wear heels and she was super swollen for days after (she hasn't worn heels this entire pregnancy, and since I wore them almost every day all three times, I thought she could do it too) OOPS!!!

Went to a breast feeding class with Vikki ----Breastfeeding is one of the most amazing, beautiful experiences ever. I loved doing it all the way through, it was very difficult at times as it requires the most ultimate commitment ever, but it went smoothly for my three babies and I. Incredible bonding and nutrition and healthy! Even pumped at work when I came back after 12 weeks, and I did great for eight months or so each time (did it for over a year with each, but I did supplement at the about 8 month mark) Anyhow, it was an honor that she wanted me to come with her. She wants to nurse and she looks up to the way that I did it, and has asked of my mentoring through her nursing experience. I am so pleased that she is giving her baby the greatest gift ever. I will be there to support her all the way through. One problem though....well for John, not for me, lol: (text messages)

John: You are sitting in a room full of titties. (don't mind his crude humor)

Me: Yes I am, but mine are still the biggest in here.

John: Yeah, those pregnant Moms have nothing on you. (is this supposed to be sweet?)

Me: Nope! This class is making me want another one so bad. Can we? What do you say?

John: Oh shit....I knew this would happen........ (classic)

Genesis had her 5th Bday----- I will post a special blog for her soon!

I had my 32nd birthday (oh the pain) -----seriously, NO NEED to revisit this one. Except my hubby got me some awesome shoes!! I took the day off and spent it with him and that was good enough. (It was also coincidentally the first day of school, that's right, for two years now I get to bitch about how old I am turning and then I have to give my babies up to the dreaded Kindergarten and cry all morning for two reasons!)

Work has been kicking my ass ---- no really it has, and it needs to stop!

More soon........ Love and Luck!! ...............

Zen, Soul, Bear and LOVE

2009-07-28T08:45:00.000-04:00

To the people that get me through....

Zen, I had a bad day yesterday, couldn't wait to get home. I got through the day thinking of our nap this weekend. Now that you are a big boy, I miss those special cuddle times. Throughout the day I held on to your sweet embrace. Can we do it again? When I finally got home, you invited me into your happy little 6 year old world, and suddenly there was peace. We played Mario Kart, oh how you like to show off! Your giggle is worth a thousand words. Your happy place is delightful. My special kiss for the day, dreamy! You left my spirit happy, my troubles at bay if only for a while. Twister was so much fun too! Thank you for making me so very happy Tyler! What did I do before you?

Hey Soul.... How are you? This morning I brushed your long beautiful brown hair. I took my time even though the clock was ticking. I dressed you in your pink polka a dot shorts and pink polo, hardly believing I was sending my little 4 year old girl to Kindergarten. You are so brave my girl. You were radiant even though you didn't feel well. I looked into your big brown eyes..they were filled with speckles of me throughout. I see me in you; I can see way down to your core. I feel your troubles and triumphs somehow, it is weird, but I enjoy the gift. I am thinking of you today, all day, but you will do great. You need the reminder now and again, but you ARE great Gen. You really are.

Bella Bear, you put your tiny hand in mine and I am taken to another place, wishing it stayed that small just a little longer. That smile of yours to melt over, those hugs that can make me tear up at the very thought. You are so very tiny in comparison to the world, just a tiny speck in the midst of such greatness, but you are one of the things that can make me feel so safe in it. I held on tight to you this morning, like a child's favorite Teddy Bear. Held on tighter when I realized that one day you too would be getting ready for school. I looked in to your bright eyes and felt all right. They can light up the darkest of places. That twinkle in them is priceless. I cant wait to get home and see them again.

All this because two people fell in love....how fortunate am I? I love you John. Can't wait to see you and hug you too. Everything is so perfect in our tiny space on earth. Our home so happy and full, I will concentrate on that, as I always do, and I know we will all be fine.

My Little Man is 6 Today!!

2009-06-18T11:10:00.008-04:00

Happy Birthday Tyler!!

I cannot believe that my baby boy is 6 years old today! At 3:47 AM, six years ago, I had just endured endless hours of labor. I was exhausted from not eating in over 30 hours and from the pain and work that labor brought me. Yet in the still of the morning, my spirit was renewed, my life forever changed. The last 27 years didn't matter anymore. He was born, I was reborn. I was different, I was exactly where I needed to be for once in my life. Everything had substance, my eyes saw things in a different light. I would never go back.

"One last push" , the Dr. said, " before we take you in for a C-Section." Lights, camera, action, people everywhere ready to wheel me out. My mothers face blank, Johns face in awe. My heart heavy, had I endured these thirty plus hours for nothing? All was a blur, the seconds ticking. I braced myself. Took big breaths. Then silence. The doctor sang him a song when his head appeared, (sweetest thing ever frankly) then my last push. I was so tired, I pushed with more than I had to give, I don't know where it came from, but it did. (goes to show that a Mom can and will do whatever they can for their children, it starts at conception!) Then time stood still. Finally, the most beautiful cry I ever heard. First his, as he made his appearance, then mine as they placed his wet perfect little body on my chest, then my mothers as her life went full circle at that very moment. My adventure as a new Mom finally began thanks to the miracle of my perfect son.

Tyler you are the one that made me a Mommy. No one else can ever do that, you were the first one. Thank you for taking me on this journey. I love knowing that you love me, and even more, I love knowing that YOU feel loved. You smile, hug, tell me you love me often, pick me flowers, I know you think about me at school because you write about me in your journal entries all the time, and draw cute pictures of us. I know I mentioned your hugs, but wow your hugs are incredible! I feel them down to the core like nothing else. You give me kisses all the time, but once a day, every day, you give me my "special kiss" as you call it. I live for that second every day. You shake your arms, I bend down to your level, you flash me your incredible smile, and you lick your lips, and give me the best kiss I can ever dream of. Sometimes, more than one. Oh, yes and your skin, WOW. You play hard but your skin is the softest thing I have ever felt, your hands are so so soft, your cheeks even softer, you are 6 but you feel as soft as a baby.

Thank you for your love, even when I have made mistakes along the way. You make everything worth it. Thank you for teaching me so very much in such little time. You are the greatest teacher I have ever had. I am head over heels in love with you my sweet sweet baby boy. You mean love and bring Daddy and I so much joy. Happy Birthday Tyler!!

French Fries?

2009-06-12T12:13:00.003-04:00

Last night I made the kids some Not-So-French-Fries. For anyone looking for something creative and cute to make for the kids, this is a winner.

I told Ty and Gen I was going to make them a special desert and they were very excited because this is not an everyday thing at home. When I was done I told them that I messed up the desert, and that I had made them some fries instead. They were so sad! I gave them their plates and they were saying "you made us fries?" with this heart broken look on their faces. Gen was pretty comical as she dipped her "fry" in her "ketchup" and realized that it wasn't exactly fries and ketchup. "Ttttyyyler this is not ketchup!" So cute!

So easy too! Just buy a frozen pound cake and let it thaw (we got a reduced sugar one and it was just fine), slice it up to look like fries, removing the dark brown edges. Then put them on a cookie sheet and into broiler on low for a little while, until a golden color. (keep a close eye because it happens pretty quickly). Flip them over and do the same on the other side. Remove when they look like fries! Mix red food coloring into vanilla icing, and just set the fries and ketchup on a plate and voila. I found the recipe on line and they served it in an actual french fry basket, and it looked even better, but we didn't have those on hand, and I think the little plates worked just fine.

This was an easy treat for a work day when I felt like doing something different and special for them. It is the little things that count, I can see it in their eyes when I do little things like that, that it just means something to them. This was too cute to not post! Next time they have friends over I am going to make these again, they will be so proud! This was surely a young child pleaser. Let me know if any of you try them on your little people.

Oh, and no icing for Bella, but she loved the pound cake, I was glad she was able to join in on the munching fest!

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-06-10T11:35:00.001-04:00

I was so excited to watch this movie, but it ended up frustrating me mostly. What a shame too, it started strong for me. I love the opening narration about how we have things programmed in our minds since we are little girls....the quote was “We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.” I think this was somewhere around the time where they show a little boy being very mean to a little girl at the playground and the Mom tells her that he acted that way because he liked her. That was so true, that we are taught that

from the start!

I ended up staying awake until 2 AM to finish it, and then it kept me up for at least another hour, just thinking. It made me think of my daughters and all they will face in the all to near future. Seriously, one day my daughters can be saying something like this:

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

The twisted journey of a girl into womanhood, in summary (more or less):

Be Mommy's little doll and Daddy's little girl; Grow up trying to find yourself, then all of a sudden feels good in your own skin;Then come the boobs, and they always come too soon or too late; Next a period; Afterwards your friends change and boys come in to play and you don't know who the hell you are once more; The next 10 years are spent trying to fit in and impress the boys and trying to find yourself yet again; Start a career, still have no clue who you are most of the time (if you know exactly who you are at an early age as a female, then you were one of the lucky few, us females are complex!); After the college years if you haven't found the one I have seen many girls make that their main goal. Quite sad really, and then there are movies like these. Really? Does it sound like we need it? Do we need to add this much more frustration with all of the other roles we have to fit in?

This movie makes dating more complex than an AP Trig class. There are rules, and exceptions, and signals, and it is plain exhausting. Have I been married too long? Is this really the way that it is? I wish I could just magically make this movie disappear so that I can sleep at night knowing my girls wont be watching some rerun of it on TBS one night when they are 13 and impressionable. I mean really, it is overwhelming.

Was the movie a chick flick? Sure. Was it funny? At times. Happy endings? Mostly. Realistic? I have no idea, though I know that not one of my girlfriends would ever advise the other one to go after a married guy, because he just may leave his wife for you and you will live happily ever after. EVER! (yes, that part just made me angry, to see us so portrayed so weak) Mostly in the end, I think this movie was depressing and long as heck. What a let down too with that star studded cast I was so excited about.

After thinking about it, I conclude that the guys actually looked better than the ladies in this one. We seemed neurotic. Them, cool and collected with us just falling apart at their feet. Maybe that was the point, if there was one. If that was the intention, then I am just bitter.

I can see it now, a bunch of beautiful twenty somethings sitting around watching this movie trying to make one feel better after a break up, with pizza and chocolate all over the floor. Not my idea of Girl Power, I will tell you that much. Seriously, I think a tequila shot and dancing all night in your sexiest heels would be more therapeutic.

Love is supposed to be easy. You find the one and you just know. Everything works when that love is real. It all falls into place. No games involved. It feels good, feels right, it is just easy. Right? Well fellow readers, half of you are saying, yes that is right, so true. The other half of you are calling bull shit. Talking about how nothing is easy. Love is hard. It takes a lot of effort to make it work. Does it? Well, don't ask me, those weren't entirely my thoughts. It is all just another point of view. More of fairy tale, romance novel, sort of hype that we create in our minds.

I think I will get a point in the worst mother of the year category on this one, but I think I rather have Gen and Bella watch MTV than junk like this one day. No Lifetime Movie Network for them until they are adults! Please, they have enough living up to those beautiful Disney Princess movies. The perfect little girl fairy tale. I think that is enough stress to live up to as it is.

Again, my opinion doesn't matter. It is merely that. Love is easy and just feels right, to me anyway. Its more about how you nurture that love, and keep that love strong, be unselfish, forgive, now that's the hard part. The nice thing about it is there are no rules! No exceptions! No little rule book to flip through. When it comes, it will come and hit you like a train, and if it is real, it will always be there. Yes, love gets hard, it gets messy, it always does, but if it is real, you will know, and it is worth it. Quite novel isn't it? It is not neat and pretty like Disney, but it certainly shouldn't be this hellish to explain either.

I know it all too well however, that one day I will be wiping away one of my baby girls' tears because of a silly boy. (he will be just a boy after all, they come and go, it is the way of life) When that happens, I will certainly man-bash, take their side, and go get them a fabulous outfit if thats what it takes. Then there will be movie night-- most definitely.

I hated this date movie, honestly I think I just decided I really hated it. But, yes, there is always that one movie that makes us feel better, my girls will have one of their own in given time. As for me, I will tell my girls, that even their old Mom has one of those. Undeniably it will be her, me, Edy's and it will simply and absolutely be "The Sweetest Thing".

*Keep dreaming my little Princesses. Enjoy it as long as you can. Keep it simple, keep loving, and you will live Happily Ever After, no matter what comes your way.

But always remember:

“if a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s--- it’s because he doesn’t give a s---.”

* Disclaimer.....please no hate mail, I am not quite sure when they can watch MTV, I was just saying! But really, it's something to think about! Dont you love the parents that do not let their kid watch something like hmmm Harry Potter, (its the Anti Christ some say) but somehow Bat Man (you know the one where Heath Ledger scares the crap out of himself, I sware there were like 6 year olds there) is OK? Hmm? See, really I have no idea, only that I will not worry about these crap movies or MTV anytime soon and that Noggin is my best friend.

25 Random Things

2009-06-04T17:30:00.000-04:00

On Facebook, I always get tagged with Notes, which I am bad for not responding to all of them. There is just no way! Once in a while if I am bored I will do it. It is fun, I just do not get the time. They are also fun to read others' Notes most times, so I figured I would post one! I think some of ya should join me! Here I go.....

Frogs are terrifying to me!! I really go into a scary panic mode type of thing. (this is a tough one because I am a mother to a 5 year old that loves to catch them). GROSS!!
My Mom had me out of wed lock, my sperm donor thought she should have an abortion. She didn't. I am so proud of her for keeping me, at 19, THANKS MOM --- Yet, I am pro choice (mentally not fundamentally or emotionally).
My political views are completely against the way I was brought up. My family constantly criticizes me for it. It gets heated. They get frustrated. I think it is fun.
I am a pushover. I forgive and forget way too easily I think, though most would think that's a good trait, I think I really need to toughen up!!
I think, no I truly believe, with all my heart believe that Genesis is my soul mate. Tyler is my Zen, my happy place. I cant explain it. (Bella is my baby, perfect in every way, I am sure she will have a so-called fancy title too one day, but she is too young, it took me a while to put my finger on the Gen thing, but I knew it was special, when I got it, I cried, I didn't believe in soul mates until then)
I am a TERRIBLE liar.
I worry too much about what people think about me.
Shoes are my pit fall. (Purses and sun glasses are in a tie for a close second)
Though I am not a "real" jewelry kind of girl, there are a few items I really want one day. A pair of diamond stud earrings set in platinum, Tiffany & Co Celebration Rings, and a vintage looking wedding ring.
My most valuable possessions are my photos.
I have never lost anyone I am very close to.
Death scares me.
My children give me hope.
I can still remember seeing each of my kids for the very first time. I can hear their cries, I can see their wet faces and adorable little pink lips, I can smell them, I can feel them. Those were the three best days of my life.
I am in love with the miracle of child birth. I loved being pregnant! I would do it again if I could.
When I was younger I had a scary obsession with Mickey Mouse! May be why we went to Disney for our Honeymoon!
John is my best friend, best everything! I met him when I was about 12 years old!
I love to be silly, I never want to grow up, at least not all the way. This comes in real handy with kids, being silly with them, at their level is unlike anything else! Epic silliness with them is my favorite past time! Best part is, they love it too!
I wish I had lived in New York and back packed Europe when I was single.
I adore my family and would do anything for them.
One of my favorite things to do with my kids is to sleep with them. Secretly, when it is time to do that I have a hard time deciding which one I want to cuddle with!
Pickles are gross.
Before I met John I never ate seafood, now I love it.
I hate my name.
I love starting new traditions. Spaghetti Sundays, Wii Wednesdays, Fall scrap books etc....Oh, and every year John and I measure the kids height on their birthdays. We take a pen and on the inside frame of their bedroom closets we date their height every year. They have grown up in our home, and it is crazy to see that each year. If we ever move, I am taking those with me some how.
I suck at Mario Kart. Both my 5 and 4 year old totally kick my ass.
Gen tells me when my hair and/or clothes doesn't look right, or good, I am ashamed to say I have taken her advice. I have fallen victim to changing my shirt or something because a 4 year old told me I should! A couple of times, she was completely spot on too!! Wow, this is now, lets see where this takes me when she is a teenager!

That is actually 27! Go figure.......It was easier than I thought!

My Hero

2009-05-22T12:38:00.006-04:00

Ha, had to post this one........so I watch junk TV to unwind, here is what John does. I don't know why it is funny to me to see him play Guitar Hero, but it just is. Fun Times!!

Besides, he will get jealous that I posted about Kris Allen, and didn't post about him.

Will the kids not get a kick out of this picture, in about say 5, 10 years?

Just Kidding, love you babes.....

ROCK OUT EVERYBODY!!!

The Underdog Wins!!!!

2009-05-21T13:16:00.007-04:00

I know, I know, I am an American Idol fan. It is one of my guilty pleasures! I really love it, despite what all the critics may say. I enjoy this reality show, so does John. The finale was great, I loved Cyndi Lauper and Kara, it was a pretty good show. (Yet I am a bad fan because I totally fast forwarded through a lot of the Idols' group performances, those can be so cheesy and terrible!)

I am so stoked that Kris Allen won! He is adorable isn't he? His face upon hearing his name called was priceless. I could just squeeze his cheeks! I was really surprised, but oh so glad! Some call it an upset, that's fine, it is the greatest upset of all time then!!

I mean all season, it was Adam, Adam, Adam. His performances were more done up with lights, and fog and this and that, they often saved him for last so that viewers remembered him, Simon called him the next Idol, even last night he had the spotlight! Kris performed with Keith Urban, while I think Keith is wonderful, it was basically just two little guys up there jamming with their guitars, to a song with sweet easy lyrics, not a lot of glitz. The two finalist even had a duet, well sort of, it was with Queen, come on, like Kris can compete with that, it was completely set for Adam. Then came Adam, with KISS, with an armored suit and moon shoes, and fog and fireworks for goodness sakes, it was totally supposed to be his night. But, low and behold America prevails!

Adam Lambert has some chops, he can definitely sing, but the screaming is so overrated for me, as is his style in general. I can't stand to listen even with my eyes closed despite his incredible talent, it is just not me. In the end, they will both have pretty great careers, all because of this show, what an accomplishment, and though I am sure they have worked hard, a pretty easy break in that business.
OK, back to Kris. Hey, he makes me feel like a teenager, creepy huh? (blushes). Really he just makes me smile. John was a fan too, so it made it fun. I thought the song he did with Keith Urban was great, I would love to hear him sing with John Mayer or DMB or something like that, he is right up my alley and I hope he keeps going that way! His Dad crying melts my heart, and I think his Mom is great too, they seem like a great family. When Kris went to visit his home town and his Dad broke down in that hug, I needed the Kleenex.

Now that Idol is over, what will I do with my guilty pleasure hour? It is summer time so I guess a bowl of ice cream is out of the question isn't it? Oh wait, next is So You Think You Can Dance! Genesis loves this show, so it will be fun to watch together. I love junk TV, no thinking involved, its a beautiful thing!

Why Am I Running?

2009-05-14T11:57:00.004-04:00

My life is a fast one. I have mentioned on here how it goes and goes. I have learned to take hold of it. Try to stop the hands of time, that some how are on Red Bull after the arrival of your most precious moments, for me, my children. Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, it's full throttle. I live and learn though, as we all do. I cant complain about that, I have come a long way. Somehow I can sit here now, I wasn't able to a few years back, and say that I do what I can.

For example, I take a lot of pictures still as I believe those are my most valuable possessions, but I do not let a camera dictate my moments. I take pictures of a moment, and then I try to put it away, I live the moment rather than trying to make it stand still. I hold my kids a little longer most days, (I am not perfect, there are always "those days", lol), I talk to them. I talk to them maybe too much, as one day I realize they may not want to talk to Mom at all.

I have stopped trying to "Spot-Shot" their clothes at lightening speed. Whoa, this is a tough one...you know there is that perfect Gap outfit, and then there is that perfect chocolate chip cookie that ends up all over it! I used to go into super hero mode and save it knowing damn well it will no longer fit them in a month; these days, I still have stock invested in Spot Shot, but now I let them have the cookie, put it all over their mouths and shirts, let them laugh at it, and at about 3 in the morning my dear friends I can most certainly be found in the laundry room obsessing about the stain, while John bitches at the amount of the stuff that I use. (somehow he doesn't bitch too much when Bella needs nearly NO clothes because all of Gen's hand me downs are in perfect order though, and my sister doesn't complain either, now that her daughter can wear Bella's hand me downs and most are still looking brand new, whew I LOVE SPOT SHOT!!) ...OK so I got off topic here, but you get it, I am letting go, enjoying those I love the most. If the only way to have a decent conversation with John is to stay up until 3AM, then I do it, if the house isn't clean I still go to the park, it's hard for me to "let go" but I learn a little bit more every day. Then there is Mimi.

I love my Mimi so much. She is so many things to so many different people, she is so much to me; I cant even put it in words. Somehow, from her I run, with Nike Shocks on if I could. Sad part is, I cant figure out why. I have to do some more soul searching. I cant figure it out, it drives me nuts. I used to talk to her every day, more than once, in part because she was the kids care taker, but it was more than that. Now I am almost afraid to call.

Yesterday I paid my best friend a short visit. Oh how I didn't want her to ask me about Mimi. I dreaded answering. I have to admit, I didn't know. I hadn't spoken to her in 4 days. If that doesn't seem like a lot to you, trust me, it is, it is an eternity. Then I was surprised, the way I am always surprised by Mimi. She spoke about her that's for sure, but it wasn't a question about how she was doing. Instead she said, "Hey I saw Mimi at Wal-Mart today!". I had a huge smile on my face about that, good for her. Then I did the unimaginable, "I" asked Em how "Mimi" was doing. (argh, I am terrible aren't I!) She said well, she has lost a lot of weight, (at least that I knew). Em also said that at least she did not have her walker because the cart she was pushing served her as one and Mimi likes faking it, she is strong and prideful. Em tried to make a small joke, she said that Mimi was a trooper. Mimi told Em that she had taken a Perkiset (sp?) so that she could go to Wally World. Now that is TOTALLY Mimi!

Her hair is thinning now, her legs are shaky, some days she can't talk. I think I just cant see her this way, I think I am in denial. I don't know why, because I think I should be a cheer leader, telling her she can and will beat this awful disease that kills so many of us, young and old. Cancer doesn't have a face, it is relentless and unpredictable, it literally makes me sick to my stomach. It doesn't matter if you eat well, work out, do not smoke, get mammograms, it does not care, it knows no age. Mimi did it all right, and still at her late age, here we are.

On Mother's Day, we had a great day, just John and I and the kids. My mother held a lunch at Mimi's for Mothers Day this year. We could not attend. Bella and I had a cold, and Mimi cannot afford to be exposed to anything right now. I was heart broken. I was relieved. Yes relieved! What kind of a person am I? It could very well be her last. It was a time to celebrate. To celebrate life that only us women can maintain, what an honor. Yet Veronica was relieved to not live it. I cant forgive myself.

Looking back I think it is because I don't want to face any lasts. I don't want to contribute to the disease. I am willingly putting blinders on to it. I am pulling away. In actuality I am realizing I am letting it win. I don't call much, I don't visit much. I cant bring myself to it. My mind goes in circles as I am sure this entry has, because I cant wrap myself around my actions. I am not in control. Another thought is that there is no control. No way to put brakes on this roller coaster, it is what it is, and I should just take the ride. I am not, I am absent.

Her Mothers Day gift sits on my dining room table, I cant even look at the cute bag. I haven't delivered it. Its contents are a zip up shirt, it is what she wanted because of the port for the chemo, she thinks those are easier, she wanted the comfort. It pains her to wear a bra, so I also got her a tank top, a soft one, that she can wear under it for some mild support. Even a gift has to be a reminder. I thought about taking it back. I want to burn it, throw it away. Get her tickets to Vegas instead, I don't know. I want her to live, happily. If she has a year left or ten, I want her to be OK for them, but instead every moment is an up hill battle. I want to take it away, I cant. No one can.

Somehow when I blog about something I put it into action. So there, I did it. I typed out this entry. I will call her tonight. I will go see her tomorrow and happily give her a chemo uniform. I will hug her tight. I will appreciate that she tries to act OK for me and try to take away the burden from her. The burden where she knows me like the back of her hand and knows that I am weak and how she knows I am not right. I am an emotional train wreck, I cant hide a thing from her. Maybe I can be strong, and she can say bye to me Friday night, and think, well maybe she is OK. I owe her that. I owe her so much. Owing is not enough, I have to do something. I will try. I will find my heart, which is in the right place but at times gets lost in self pity, if you want to call it that. I will get in the long line to ride that awesome coaster--- with her.

My Favorite One Liners

2009-04-30T22:13:00.002-04:00

"These yellow balls feel very squishy and mushy in my mouth, and juicy too!"

Genesis Nicole, Age 4, while eating Jello-O cubes for dessert.

"Agua! Agua!" (agua is Spanish for water)

Isabella Grace, 16 Months, while splashing her toy in the toilet!!

"Mama, if your belly is a little bit big does that mean God put another baby in there?"

Tyler Jon, Age 5, I will never change in front of him again.

"Buh-Bye!"

Tyler Jon, Age 5, while zooming by a classmate in a relay race at Field Day last week.

"Mas! Mas!" (mas is Spanish for more)

Isabella Grace 12 months, Bella's way of begging for whatever it is you are eating! The girl knows 5 words, this is by far her favorite!

"Hey did you just toot Petunia?"

Genesis Nicole, Age 4, she knows boys are gross but she had no idea how that came out of her big brother! Oh and Petunia, I don't know, you will have to ask her, it's her new word.

"Mama here are your booby holders."

Ty, Age 5, and Gen, Age 4 while helping me sort laundry.

"Did I just fall?"

John Henry, Age 32, after falling off of a chair, but he actually didn't turn a year older until appx. 14 days after that.

"Wow Mama, that's a lot, but you are right behind him!"

Tyler Jon, Age 5, that was Ty's response after asking Daddy his age because it was his birthday, and then asking Mama's"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!! I HOPE YOU HAVE A "SILLY" BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!!

Bella's Baby Bullets

2009-04-13T11:33:00.008-04:00

Isabella turned 16 months on March 29th!! Bella is truly a joy to have. She is an incredible baby girl. I am so blessed to be allowed the privilege of being her Mommy.

She is getting SO BIG! At her last appointment she weighed in at 23 pounds and she is 33 inches long. She is in the 97th percentile for height. At least she will not be a shorty like her Mama.
Bella got her first hair cut two weeks ago. She has a TON of hair as I have mentioned before, and it was all in her face. John heard me say I was getting her some bangs, so he thought he would surprise me and get it done. Well, he didn't know I meant like long bangs that i can sweep to the side, so she now has traditional school girl bangs. I hated them at first, but now they have grown a bit and i love them. Her face is so pretty now, and her eyes just pop out at you, so bright.
Walking is the norm now, she is a great walker!
We had an Easter Egg Hunt yesterday, and Bella held her own basket all through it and gathered her very own eggs too. She had a great time.
Unfortunately Bella got her first scraped knee on Easter as well. What a tough cookie, not one tear! I even thought it must have not been that bad, but when I went and looked, it was. I was so sad over her perfect baby skin being scraped, but she didn't seem to mind. I love her courage and hope it stays with her always.
Her dancing is at a whole new level now. Yeah yeah yeah, we all make our babies dance and perform circus tricks for us, but with her it is not like that. She can be concentrating on a task, music comes in anywhere in the background, and just like that she begins to sway and laugh and clap and even snap her fingers! Without John or I saying a thing. It is so cute to watch!! She loves music! This may end up being my very own Wild Child! (I secretly love that because that was what my uncle called me growing up and to this day still does...........I think its cool, even though it may be the life of me some day)
Isabella is such a great communicator. She doesn't have a huge vocabulary like Tyler did, that is not what I mean. I mean she talks to you and gets her point across even though I don't know one word of what she is saying. She sits with you and she makes eye contact and she is talking in her own language. For minutes at a time. I mean it is a conversation too, like she speaks and I comment back tyring to guess what the heck she is saying, and she talks right back. She motions to things while she "speaks", she raises her eyebrows, laughs, swings her head to the side, talks faster and louder when she is aggravated with us, slaps her hand on her leg, she drags you to what she is talking about to show you, I am in awe of this behavior really. You have to see it to understand what I am saying. I know all babies communicate, but she is my third, I have not seen anything like it. Really, really amazing stuff. I especially love it when she grabs me by the hand and takes me somewhere. If she wants to play with a certain toy, she holds my hand, walks me to it, points at it and then sits to play with it, then if she wants me to join her she simply taps the floor with her hand motioning me to sit. The latest is when she pulls me by the hand to the steps, then she sits on a step and motions me to sit on a step with her. Then she just "talks". We were at this for 25 minutes the other day. I sware she thinks she is really talking. What a big girl to sit there that long and just babble with me, she talks, waits for me to respond, laughs, what a trip. I cherish these moments.

Bella has new molars. OUCH my poor baby! But, there is a huge pay off for that FOOD!!! She loves crackers now! She enjoys having a big one to eat on her own! Her other favorites are bananas, yogurt, cereal bars, diced peaches and cheese of course. I just started her on white meat, now that she has some chompers....she likes it, but doesn't love it just yet, so she has it about once a week. She doesn't need it though, she gets the protein else where, so I am not worried. I don't give my kids any meat until they can eat real meat because although I make my own food for them it is so gross to process the meat up in the blender sometimes. A Dr. I am fond of that is quite earthy said to me with Tyler "it is the way nature intended, no teeth, no way to chew, no need for meat". I agreed. He also added "you have done so great making your own baby food, for God sakes, don't give them the meat in a jar, that is basically cat food" GROSS, and it smells terrible too! Oh yeah, when I am feeding her more than one thing, I cant just feed it to her, nope, say she is having a fruit and a veggie, if I am giving her a spoonful of the veggie, but she wants the fruit she says no, and will not open up til I give her what she wants right then! That is "if" she lets me feed her, she is into self feeding now, what a mess. She likes me to open the pantry too and she knows how to grab her cheerios and snacks from in there when she wants some!
Bella LOVES bath time. Problem is she never wants to come out, so prying her out of the tub kicking and screaming is never fun.
She is playing with her siblings more and more. She really loves them, and has a special relationship with Ty. She goes to him and pats his back and he gets on all fours on the carpet so that she can ride him, it is pretty darn cute.
She loves going up the stairs, over and over again. Scary!
Bella is enjoying going to the park and being outdoors too. A very well rounded little girl. I am lucky!

I LOVE YOU BELLA BEAR!!! Its been an action packed couple of months for you my big girl! Slow down, you are getting way too big, way too fast!!

XOXO, MOM

Where in the World is V?

2009-04-10T13:15:00.003-04:00

Missing in action is probably what you think, but it has been the opposite, nothing but action around here I feel like I go go go!

Basically, I have a terrible cold, and the all three kiddos have had it too! I am sick and tired of all these colds running around. It is bad when the kids have it of course, my heart breaks, but when I do it is a totally different scenario. My energy is gone, so I am seriously lagging...like a triple skinny latte will not even do the trick! So in the end, I suffer and so do the kids because I am so busy tending to them I get no sleep and definitely not any better faster.

Yesterday it was a gorgeous day, and Gen is much better and really wanted to go and ride her bike. I thought that some fresh air would do them well, so off they went. I am sad I didn't get to join them though. I was going to, but the couch was calling my name. I stayed in for a couple hours and John took the two bigger kids out while I played with some blocks with Isabella and then her and I laid on the couch. I hated missing the sunshine, and hated that Bella missed out too (all three kids with things with wheels outside is simply too much so I kept her with me), but I must say the quiet and rest was nice. The nicest part was spending some one on one with Bella. She loves her Incredi-Block. All three kids have, it was Tyler's but that thing is in great condition, and they have all really enjoyed it. Through the years we have accumulated all different kinds of blocks too, with different themes and sounds, they are too cool! She was so cute handing them to me and then putting them in all of the different gadgets. We had a great time.

Tyler was awfully sick last night, he had a tummy ache all night, until about 5 am when he threw up. Dad reports that he is much better today though! I simply can't wait to see them by this time in the afternoon!

As far as family matters....hmmmmmm lets see...Mom is not well, she has severe nerve damage and has lost all function of her right arm for now after that dislocation so she will undergo some therapy and new meds to see if it helps, there are no guarantees at this point!

Mimi is getting stronger everyday, as any little accomplishment is definitely appreciated these days, but she is still not herself. She will start chemo next week. I am scared of this journey for her, especially at her age. She is already picking out wigs though. I am going to get her some pink gloves so she can literally kick Cancer's ass. Let's see how this goes. She is terrified, but will not admit it. She has always been my hero, that fact is now so much more defined.

Even though she is in her 70's losing her hair is a big deal to her..........I will probably chop mine off, shorter than a bob (Shayna, Happy Early Birthday, you will love that I am sure) and donate my long locks to Locks of Love in her honor. I have never donned short hair--I am scared, but she isn't holding me to it, lol!!! I told her that we are all in this together, so if that is an issue for her, then, here we go, she is not alone in this!! Mimi has always taken wonderful care of herself. I mean, who borrows her grandmother's clothes? Well, I did a lot of that, because her wardrobe was incredible, her nails always polished, skin so smooth and wrinkle free you can never guess her age, great jewelry, and great hair!! She is stoked though because years ago she had her eyebrows done, I don't know what it is called, but it is basically where they tattoo eyebrows on you like a model (told you she was all into beauty regimens and such and that was the "in" thing, like Botox today I suppose), they always look natural and great. So when they told her she may lose those and her eyelashes too, and she was like, we will see about that! What a cutie.

I really do suck! I just realized I missed my own blogoversary!? I am all typed out, so I do not have much to say about that, I will just say, that I am so proud to have kept up with this for the past two years! With a family and a job, I don't keep up with many hobbies, but I am so happy that I have kept up with this one. It feels good to write my feelings down. Maybe one day, my children will get something out of these. If God forbid I wasn't here for them one day, my words will remain for them to get to know me through. Morbid I know, but I have been all too aware of the fragility of life in recent months. Whatever I can leave behind for them I will consciously make an effort to do so, just in case. We write wills, get life insurance, plan funerals, we do it anyway so why not leave them a journal of sorts too. Something meaningful.

I have been accused of forgetting exactly who may read this by my husband, and have thought about making it private. I however, refuse. This is really my space, it is me, it is real and not fabricated. If you read my words and like being in the loop of the Lara clan, that is awesome, and I thank you for being a part of my journey. I love it when you guys read and join me through everything. It is crazy, yet simple, just snip its of me jotted down in a newer, high tech version of a raggedy old Hello Kitty Diary or Marbled Notebook (both of which I wrote in my younger years).

Thanks to all of my friends and readers, I appreciate the kind words and support, and if you blog too, I appreciate reading your words as well. We are not alone are we? In this community I feel like we are all in this thing called life together, the heart breaks, the triumphs, the battles and the victories. In the end...."and I think to myself.....what a wonderful world!"

Lots of Blogger Love, and HAPPY EASTER!!
V

Daddy Day Care

2009-03-27T14:48:00.005-04:00

John has been home with the kids now for a good amount of time. The situation is less than an ideal but some great things have come from it.

For example, he has been able to pick Tyler up from school which Tyler just loves and the kids have gotten to spend more time at home with their own things and space and they seem so complete and happy this way. Gen has really bonded with her Dad. She is definitely my mini- me, she is all mine in so many ways, but now she runs up to her Daddy and hugs and kisses him a lot more often. She is also allowing him to help her with daily things that I alone used to have to do more and more such as brushing, washing and blow drying her hair. Bella has always been a Daddy's girl, and that has not changed one bit.

I love that the kids do benefit from this in such a great way and I feel like it is a welcomed change for them. What a great opportunity! In the beginning I thought this could be a train wreck, but John is great, he has really amazed me. He gets the house work done and so many errands done, all with three kids! Impressive I must say!! He even packs up the diaper bag on his own now! Since Tyler was born this was "my job" he wouldn't even have a clue what to put in there. Now, he knows, packs extra food and snacks even, sure it is a lot messier than I would like, but to me it is still nothing short of a miracle! (yes honey a miracle, lol).

I will admit, I am a little jealous, I do wish it was me, but I am so blessed that John is really my other half, and does everything so seamlessly when there is not any other option. I need not worry about my children's care if something happened to me, John has proved that. Tyler, Genesis, Isabella and I are so very lucky.

Here are some pics of what the kids enjoy at Daddy Day Care!!:

They go on fun field trips to Monkey Joe's.

They get to stay in their jammies and play in the play room!

Bella is learning what the park is and is loving it!

Ty and Gen ride their scooters and bikes while Bella gets pulled in her wagon.

More fun at the parks!

Art time! The kids love crafts, and yes, John does those too! Here is a dino museum exhibit that they have been working on. Those are shoe boxes that they paint into a certain theme and then place the appropriate dinosaur in it. I have a feeling this exhibit will get bigger and bigger. What fun!

*Photos courtesy of John Lara and his Palm phone. Daddy Day Care is a full service facility. John sends pics to me at work through out the day so I can see what they are up to.

Pretty awesome stuff..............Happy Friday Everyone!

LIFE

2009-03-23T13:31:00.003-04:00

Is getting better and moving along. I am left wondering why it can be so messy but I think it comes with the territory! My dryer broke, my van is out of commission, but why continue to bitch about shit. This cloud will surely move on its way soon!

It has been a long time since I have blogged and I am slammed at work so this one will be short and sweet with more to come soon.

Life throws some curve balls but here are some pretty generic thoughts about why I feel like I better snap out of it because things can only get better from here.....

My three kiddos are healthy and happy! Tyler scared me to death, I wont even type out what could have been with that, but it was the worst feeling ever! Alas, they are all OK.
John and I are doing so good as a unit. I have a marriage that I used to be jealous of other women having. I guess I do have some great luck even when life sucks!
Mimi is home. Her lymph nodes came back stage 3 so that will require more attention, she is not looking like herself at all and it is still heartbreaking but you know what, one day at a time, she is home after 24 days I think it was, and that in itself is a good thing for her.
I know who my friends are, it is good to know ;). The ones that I do have are SO GREAT!
Genesis is so sad about being pulled from preschool, but she is bonding with her Daddy. That was actually necessary ... it is a beautiful thing.
It is SPRING!!!
Had a great family day yesterday with the kids at the museum and Imax.
My mom dislocated her shoulder so she cant help out with Mimi which is awful, but she will also be OK, what else can I ask for!
Speaking of curve balls I am pretty proud of a couple who really manages these with such amazement........ I am so overjoyed with some AWESOME news from Tiffany and Matt, CONGRATS! We are praying for a HOME RUN guys!

Snow Days 2009

2009-03-06T10:54:00.005-05:00

We enjoyed a few snow days this winter, and the kids just absolutely love it!! They were cuddling one day on their bench to keep warm..........

Here is my one and only favorite snow angel.........

Here is my real "snow man" and his snow chair......

After the fun, the kids rip their cold wet clothes and drop it along with clumps of ice and snow all over the place. This would be one reason Mom doesnt like snow days!

Alas, after the fun, they are ready to cuddle by a nice warm fire. This IS my favorite part ;).

A fire and some hot chocolate is all we need on a day like this!

Yummy!!

Our home in the snow. My own little winter wonderland. I love waking up to streets of white.
Except when I have to drive in them of course!

Until next year Frosty.....now come on SPRING!!!

Eight Hours Later

2009-02-26T17:12:00.004-05:00

Mimi's surgery was yesterday. It was rough and didn't go as planned but I believe that in the end it went well. It was supposed to last about 4 hours but it lasted closer to 8. They ended up having to remove her entire colon.

The tumor was cancer so he couldn't take any chances. The good news is that it does not appear to have spread. The lymph nodes in surrounding areas were taken as a precaution. The liver and stomach were clean. The surgeon removed it all and did reconstructive surgery while he was there to make a mock colon so that she doesn't have to have a stoma (bag) put in. The surgeon explains that there is a 50/50 chance that it will take. If it doesn't, he will put in a temporary bag for a few months while it heals and then go back in and try again. There is also a high risk of bacterial infection. I suppose we will have to take this one thing/day at a time.

Right now she is in ICU. They had hoped she would be out of there tonight but it is not going to happen. She is still on a ventilator. They tried to remove it but she became distressed so they had to intubate her again. It is all so scary. We are praying for a speedy and as smooth as possible recovery. I hope to be able to see her tomorrow, I miss her. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

On the kid front--Gen and Bella are much better as far as I can tell! Poor Tyler is now fighting a stomach virus. Seems to be viral per the docs and his CBC , but it is just some more icing on the cake. My little guy is having it pretty rough. I We just want our kids happy and healthy and fast!

Thanks to all of our wonderful family and friends who have checked in on us and helped us through these rough times. Couldnt do it without you all!!

Mmmuuuaaahhhhh!
V

Another Sucky Day

2009-02-24T02:55:00.002-05:00

I can't sleep....

Mimi was finally diagnosed though I am guilty of not understanding it all 100 percent. She has something called colitis sigmoid and some other things. Basically a good portion of her colon has to go. It is enlarged, infected and dying, the doctor explained it like gangrene, hence the fever and pain. The other portion of the colon has a large tumor on it so that portion has to go to. I believe she is looking at like 75-85 percent of it to be removed.

They really wanted to do the surgery ASAP but they couldn't because of her condition. They are trying to strengthen her with meds and such first. She will need a blood transfusion prior to the surgery as well so they are trying to locate blood for her. Her blood type is very rare because she does not have a spleen. They are shooting for Wednesday, after unsuccessfully shooting for today (Monday). In the mean time we sit and wait and she sits in fear and pain.

The kids have some minor issues but seem to be on the way to recovery thank goodness.

Have a great rest of the night,
V

Prayers Please

2009-02-18T17:33:00.003-05:00

Everything has been a big old jumbled up mess! I don't know what the heck I am doing, much less where to start this blog! Let's see.......a recap............

Saturday:

Ty, Gen, and I woke up early and made a special Valentines Day breakfast to surprise Daddy! This was too cute and fun, and also marked the only good thing that happened that day.

Bella is terribly sick, this made day 4 on antibiotics and not much better, neither is Genesis. they had been averaging 103 fever all week. At about 3pm I am finally napping, (sleep has been non existent with sick kids), and John wakes me up in a panic telling me it was time to go. I am thinking, where the hell do you want to go? I beg him for 10 more minutes and he informed me that we had to go NOW. Isabella's fever was 106, and that was rectally. Mom rushes over and we are off! 12 hours later we were told how lucky we were that she didn't have feveral seizures, and what her results were. She has a pneumonia, respiratory infection, ear infection and raw throat. My poor baby. This ER trip was like ripping my heart right out of my body! They tried to draw blood but her tiny veins weren't cooperating, we held her down, and watched her fight, scream, and cry. Numerous times through out the night too, I am talking like 8 times too, not like 3. Her big grey eyes filled with tears looking up at me ever so helplessly as if asking, why are you letting them do this to me? All she had to eat all day was about half a piece of toast, she was tired, weak, and then to go through all that pain and fear. They had to get urine directly from her bladder with a catheter, that was so terrible too. I am an adult and I hate going through that, yet I had to sit there and watch my tiny baby endure that. Good thing though in the end I suppose, she really needed all those tests and especially that scan that caught the pneumonia. She even had to have a steroid treatment. It was a very scary experience for John and I and our hearts go out to all the suffering parents and children in the world. We know that at the end of the day, we are fortunate.

Sunday:

Gen is feeling pretty bad by this point, and now Ty was joining in. They both had a fever that we were able to control all week and Sunday wasn't any better. My family came for a visit which lifted their spirits though. I knew that I had to miss work on Monday because ALL three were sick and had to go to the doctor again and Isabella needed to follow up per the doctors orders. So, I stuck around the house all day so that I can be with the kids and John and then at about 8:30PM I went in to work to get somewhat caught up. Mondays are always hectic and I didn't want it more piled up than it would already be. I stayed until about 2:30ish in the morning.

Monday:

We spent the day with the kids and then went to the Dr. in the afternoon. All three kids seem to be on the way to recovery which is great news though they weren't 100 percent yet. Tyler got a new antibiotic and we pray this one works. After the visit we decide to go get an early dinner. After dinner I grab my cell phone to fill in Mimi (my grandmother which is like my Mom and watches my kids for me) on what the doctors said on the way back home. Well, I had to make John turn the car around and drive me to her place because they had to call an ambulance for her out of nowhere. She had very sharp pains in her belly and was loosing blood when she went to the bathroom. I was able to make it there right with EMS and answer some important questions for her, and give her a kiss and tell her how much I loved her before they whisked her off. She was in so much pain she couldn't breathe, and she was so very cold to the touch. It was a scary night. They put her on morphine and did a series of tests. Her white blood cell count is through the roof, indicative of huge infection, and a scan revealed problems in her colon, but not enough to determine what. I didn't sleep at all that night. I stayed up until it was time to go to work in the morning.

Tuesday:

I come to work like a zombie. Now I am a sick zombie though. I was getting some sort of sickness probably from the ER or the kids, or God knows what. My throat is killing me and my cough isn't much better. The kids are luckily seemingly better. Mimi was still in the hospital in excruciating pain. I didn't sleep the night before and now I cant eat either. (hmm this may not be a bad thing though ;) After work at 6pm I head to the hospital to see her. It was scary because she is in some type of quarantine and she looked really, really bad to me. Clammy, tubes everywhere, and in lots of pain. No progress on a diagnosis though. I get home at about 11 and finally eat something. I was really wishing I could just sleep. That proved to be difficult again, but I did manage about 4 hours.

Wednesday:

Kids much better! Not me though, and now John is getting sick too, but the one that matters right now is Mimi. She is still over there suffering. I see her every day, she watches the kids, she cooks me dinner, does my laundry, she is my confidant, she gives me advice and takes care of us all-- I mean really, she is my angel in more than one way, always has been. I DO NOT know what I would do without her. And here I am at work feeling pretty helpless. She has an endoscopy today, basically where they put a camera down your throat to see what is going on in her stomach. That revealed some very small ulcers that the doctor is giving her meds for already but it didn't reveal the actual problem yet. She is still on good meds for pain, and has a colonoscopy on Friday. They say she isn't coming home anytime soon. Now I sit here wondering if I should go see her. I mean, I need to wear a mask or something bc of the germs I couldn't live with myself if I made her worse, but on the other hand I couldn't live with myself if something happened and I didn't see her tonight. So I guess I am off to see her right now. I hope to get home at least a bit earlier than yesterday. Truth is my kids and husband need me too and I miss them.

Meanwhile nothing on the job front for John yet. Right now all I have energy for is to pray that my kids get better, and especially Bella, that was quite the scare, and that Mimi can come out of this, whatever it is, and the sooner the better.

Mimi shared in Isabella's delivery with John and I. (yes I am that close to her) Though you cant see her in this photo, that is her holding Bella's hand minutes after she was born. If you were to see this picture up close you can see the intent that Bella is looking at her with. For me it is a beautiful picture. It captures a full circle moment for her as well as for me. Her hands tell a million stories. I treasure it always.

Weebles Wobble .....

2009-02-09T16:39:00.001-05:00

..but they "still" fall down!!!!.......

Bella is walking!!! She has been taking a step here or there since mid December, but I think her big accomplishment was Saturday January 3rd, when she took 7 consecutive steps!

She is a trooper too, she gets right back up! If Isabella falls she doesn't just begin to crawl and give up. Rather, when she takes two steps and falls, she gets right back up and starts all over again, even if it is only for a couple more steps before she falls once more. She is diligent and eventually gets to where she wants to go. It facinates me to watch a baby learn how to walk.

Now, I am not a good video taker, especially not with my cell phone, but here is a video of Miss Isabella, walking it out! It is quite adorable and entertaining! This video was taken Saturday morning, the 24th of January. She almost has this walking thing mastered. Next time I will get lower to the ground--at her level--so we can see her cute face better.

Notice the morning bed head that she has going on. Have I mentioned how much hair this little girl has?

Happy Month Day Isabella Grace! You are 14 months old!

PS .. the "scary" monster sounds is Isabella imitating the dinosaur sounds Tyler makes when he walks around like a dino. Classic.

How Do I Know Things Will Be OK?

2009-01-30T17:22:00.003-05:00

This is how..........

John: I freakin love u
Me: Oh wow, I LOVE YOU TOO
Me: Really -- u "freakin" love me!?
John: Oh hell yeah
Me: Like u r super sure? No regrets 4 u & no worries 4 me?
John: No way....u are my complete package in every way
Me: That is music to my ears. DITTO. You are still my lobster. 4ever
John: Haha....luv that.....with claws and all
Me: With claws and all! BIG ONES! :)

.......The above were a series of text messages between John and I. I received the first one at 3:11 PM while I was at work yesterday afternoon. I wanted to document this in here so I can cherish it for as long as I would like to. Its the little things like these that keep me going. My heart is so happy.

The lobster reference is courtesy of John's favorite TV show "FRIENDS". I even had that (you will always be my lobster) engraved on the back of a necklace charm that I gave him for Christmas last year:

Phoebe: Hang in there. It's gonna happen!
Ross: Okay, now, how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster!
[At a loss, Ross looks at Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, she's going somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, it's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws…

Any other Friends fans out there?

Stormy Seas

2009-01-26T15:25:00.007-05:00

Thanks so much to all of you who have called and emailed me asking me how we are doing since I haven't posted in some time. I really feel the love and it is greatly appreciated. Yes we are alive! Yes the kids had a great "snow" day, I will post some pics of that pretty soon!

Things could definitely be better around the Lara home these days! I was so happy to kick out 2008 but nothing could have prepared me for the January that 2009 has brought us.

I boasted that Tyler had no medical issues in 2008, and he didn't, but he made a trip to the ER (first one ever for Mr. Ty) last Wednesday night. Did I jinx him? He had been complaining of headaches for three days, by the time Wednesday came around he had a headache, a sore throat and a fever of about 105 that would not come down. We called the pediatrician and they nurse wanted us to rush him in because the symptoms could be those of menengitits. Luckily it wasn't anything that bad at all. They kept him there until his fever broke and sent him home with antibiotics at roughly 3 AM. His throat was so swollen that he couldn't eat much at all for a few days. He insisted on going to school on Friday, (I wonder how long this will last, if I ever had the opportunity to stay home I took it!) the teacher emailed and said that he was pretty lethargic but he did make it through the day. Now it is Monday, and he is doing much better.

The biggest of the bad news is the fact that John has been laid off. At first his boss said they had maybe twelve weeks before that would happen and that she would give them "plenty of notice", then like two days later it was maybe "thirty" days, then a week from that conversation "tomorrow" (which was last Friday) was his "last" day! All quite sudden might I add. He is pretty devastated at the turn of events and how things were handled, not to mention the impact of this on our family.

Major changes are going to have to take place and even then I am not sure how we will handle it all. I don't know how much longer I can afford to keep Genesis in school, well why go into it, the list will be long. It seems definite that he will not find the income needed anytime soon with today's slow economy, he will have to work two jobs at best, to try to make ends meet. That will mean that I will work basically 24/7 between work and then keeping up a house and three children with homework and needs and time demands. Heartbreakingly it will mean that John will have nearly NO time with the kids which I know is killing him. We understand that this is what has to get done, and he doesn't complain one but about having to, but it doesn't make it any easier. Do I get another job too? Do we sell a car? Sell our home? Go without health insurance? (not the kids of course). Only time will tell. It is all so scary.

There are two other HUGE things going on, but one doesn't even pertain entirely to me and I am not at liberty to mention. But the toll is huge and the burden is heavy. I have never felt this overwhelming amount of stress, sadness, or devastation. I thought I had felt all these emotions when I outlined my heart aches for 2008, but amazingly, in what has been just 3-4 weeks into 2009, this topples it all in leaps and bounds.

I haven't been eating, sleeping well, or talking, nothing, just worrying all month! I have to admit I tried to get drunk the other night, and well, I did but I also ended up crying uncontrollably from it, and John having to shelter me from the kids! It was horrible!! I guess it is true that the truth comes out when you are drunk!

People always tell me to be more positive, to look on the bright side etc. It always takes me a while, but I eventually come around. I am finally getting there, for example, yes my kid was in the ER, yes I went a whole night without sleep, but my baby got to come home, and was FINE in the end. Others are not this fortunate.

On the very bright side, I have realized through all of this that I do have some awesome friends. Some near, some far, but in their own way, they are all there for me. I have had endless offers for babysitting, friends willing to act like idiots with us to help us forget bad things, friends that are helping John find a job, all sorts of help out of nowhere that at times I don't feel I deserve.

How fortunate am I that in these times my job is going fine. I have people there that really care about us, that are willing to listen, help, or do whatever needs to get done, and this includes my boss. With Johns situation hitting so close to home, it saddens me the conditions others have to work in. The environments that are harbored at some places are ones I don't have to deal with. I have realized all the more how good I have it, possibly without really deserving it. I have been there 9 1/2 years and she (my boss) has guaranteed me job security. I can sleep at night.

I have a great caring support system in my family, they are all there for us to lend a helping hand.

God is good---all the time.

In the end I have to see this as a blessing. It is going to work out, and when it does I believe with all my heart that we are going to come out ahead. No matter how long it takes us. His job was a good one, one that for the most part he really liked (I mean he liked the job itself), but I can see that for John's overall well being, this has got to be for the best.

Most importantly I have amazing kids. Friends, I am sorry to bore you with their silly antics and ways, but you know what, they are so wonderful I cant help it. They are really, really good kids. They are healthy, smart, cute, loved, loving, snugly, naive, sweet, caring, and so much more. They are my joy. This whole situation is worse because I feel like we are letting them down in so many ways. It hurts more because they will feel the after math of this and I just want to protect them, I want to do right by them. I have come to the conclusion that I will do just that, in my own way, the best we know how.

Best of all, I have an incredible husband. John will come through for us, he always does. He never lets any of us down. EVER. I couldn't have asked for a better supporter, a better husband, a better friend, or a better father. He always puts us first. He gives very unselfishly and without restraint. He will not let this get him down. I am so proud of him. I wish he didn't have to take the brunt of all of our falls, but he does -- willingly. He is the first one to fall, but the first one up. He is also the one catching all of us.

Thank you John. We are going to be fine in time. I love you so much.

Wishing for Wows

2009-01-06T22:56:00.002-05:00

My first WOW moment of 2009 just took place. WOWS come mainly from my kids. They WOW me all the time. Here we go..

Gen: Mama today Tyler screamed at me because I didn't color right in his coloring book, (eyes beginning to water), and I am just his baby sister! (very hurt look in her eyes)

Ty: No mama she is not a baby.

Me: Well you shouldn't scream at her for not coloring right because coloring is always right. And, she is and always will be your baby sister.

Gen: Really, I will?

Me: Yes, just like KiKi will always be my baby sister.

Gen: But then why is she as big as you?

Ty: Yeah Mama why?

Me: Well we all grow up, but that doesn't change the fact that she will always be my baby sister because she is younger.

Gen:But I will grow up and still be a baby? And still live in this house then?

Me: No Gen you will grow up and have your own house, and husband and maybe even kids, but you will still be his baby sis.

Gen: Good because I need to move from this house. (smiling and looking so relieved)

Me: Oh do you?

Gen: Yes because I don't like to always be doing what you all tell me to. (eyebrows crinkled)

Me: Is that right? (smiling big, trying to contain my chuckles, she was amazing me)

Gen: Yes Mama, I want to do whateveeeeeever I want one day when I grow up.

Me: OK but when you move away will you still love me?

Gen: Yes and I will call you eeeeeveryday, and even go see you (clapping her hands together while shrugging her shoulders)!

Me: Well good, but I will still tell you what to do.

Gen: Oh mommy (hugs me).

Ty: (with eyes full of tears) But, but then I never want to grow up, because I don't ever want to move without you and Dada.

Me: OK baby, you can stay as long as you would like to. Don't cry about that because don't forget that you can grow up and move away but you will still be my baby.

Ty: (grins) Oh OK Mama, and Nene will be my baby sister!!!

WOW!! OK, so my four year old wants to grow up and move ASAP so she doesn't have to abide by our rules. Are you freaking kidding me? She is already wishing this? No way! Holy crap I am scared as to what the teenage years will be with like with Miss Genesis. OK, scratch that, HOLY SHIT! Talk about WOW. Yet, I cant wait to see what will be, I am sure it will be WOW no matter what.

Then, can they be more different? My Tyler is scared to grow up. Timid, naive, so innocent. Tears at the thought that he too would have to move away. What a sweet boy he is, a sweet heart indeed. WOW, how I wish this would always hold true. Seemingly it will not. He will meet a girl that he will have to WOW one day, and then will he forget his foolish ways? WOW, I am scared to know, but that day too will come. Whatever that is, again another WOW.

My sweet Isabella, I cant wait to know where your WOWS will take us. Somewhere in between Ty and Gen would be pretty nice. What will come? WOW, I will get to know one more little tiny baby that develops into a real person right before my eyes, WOW. I will get to know her every move and detail all for myself, WOW.

Tonight I find myself wishing for WOWS. Whatever direction they may go, be it up or down. For if we are WOWING then we are living.....how awesome is that?

What makes you WOW?

The Good...The Bad....and the Hopefully not Ugly!!

2009-01-05T01:08:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year Everyone! 2009.....wow, I feel so old...but only for a second. We welcomed 09 at our friend Nathan's at an Eighties themed party. We had such a great time! The outfits were crazy. I even busted out Madonna gloves and pink tights with leg warmers!

2008 in one word to me seemed.......stressfull.....a close second would be depressing.

A friend of ours, Tiffany, summed it up so well in her blog. Good to know I wasn't the only one.

The Good:

health. everyone is pretty much healthy in our extended families and we are thankful for another year with them.......Gen had a perfect, yet long recovery to her traumatic event.....Bella's hip is seemingly well, (holding my breath, follow up is a week or so), I think her mouth is doing good as well! Tyler steered clear of trouble. sigh
John and I had our 10 year anniversary! We are doing better than ever.
Isabella is one. I think that's a triumph!! Oh, and no more pumping for me or money on formula!
Tyler started Kindergarten!! Had a perfect report card too!
Genesis began Private Preschool and is out of diapers completely, I mean she has been in panties for years now but I mean like even at night. $$$ I think pretty soon I will be contributing less to the Pampers corporation, can't believe we are now going on our 6th year straight of having that as a pretty hefty bill.
we made some great new friends
saw a lot of our families and old friends from Miami

The Bad......

not complaining because again we are all healthy, but one too many visits to all sorts of doctors for me and my family. too many close calls
a ton of car trouble...accidents....mechanical...all of it.......
danced a bit with depression, and failure ..could totally have done without that
realized that I really cant do it all..SURPRISE.....lots of things suffered...ended up doing it all..just poorly -- at best
have never had a more tiresome year
John's income took a hit......feeling lots of effect
our economy, wars and foreign affairs
life with out my sister

Hopefully this will not turn out ugly.....

I want to spend more time with the kids. I am learning how to cut corners in other areas to make room for that.
Will take time for myself.
Will make time for my friends.
Continue to grow closer with and to John. Gets better every year, I am stoked.
See Gen off to Kindergarten in 2009, and that she will finally be emotionally ready for that.
Ty will be in First Grade. Are you sure this is supposed to be easier on me than it was last year?
Family Vacation.
Take back Thanksgiving. I miss hosting this one.
Getting our crazy schedules to run a little smoother.
Spend time with Isabella in a way that I am reminded that she is only this little for such a short while, I don't want to miss a thing.
Drink more water and make healthier food choices.
Get a Mammogram.
Bust the Wii Fit out
Take a Yoga class.

Good Luck Friends!!

Is it over?

2008-12-29T12:17:00.004-05:00

Seems like just when I was starting to get into the Christmas mood it came and went!

The kids had a wonderful Christmas though, and they are still stoked about opening all their new toys. Their faces are like magic on Christmas day, I just love to see their tiny faces light up!

My Christmas cards didn't get mailed out until Christmas Eve this year, I was so late! So, it is no surprise that now is when I get to post it here.

Anyhow, my thoughts were really in the right place, I promise! I hope you all had a great Christmas and an even better new year to come!

Love,
The Lara's

Twas the Night Before Christmas ...

2008-12-25T06:35:00.003-05:00

And all through the house........

Not a creature was stirring......

Not even a mouse.........

I hope that you and yours had a wondrous Silent Night.

Sounds Like Christmas

2008-12-17T12:07:00.005-05:00

I am finally feeling a lot more like Christmas. It snuck up on me this year. Don't get me wrong I LOVE Christmas, but I have so much to do that Christmas sadly became another thing on my list. Actually a lot more on my list.....shopping, tree, get lights, decorate mantle, stair case, kids trees in their rooms, cards, on and on the list goes. Pretty exhausting with three kids! To top it all off it was Thanksgiving then Bella's 1st Birthday, feeling like I am running a marathon of sorts.

Oh yeah, and what is the deal with Christmas merchandise being displayed in stores like by Halloween? If I am going to Target to shop for Thanksgiving, then I expect at least an aisle of the stuff! Not an end cap of some fake pumpkins, and three aisles of very premature Christmas decorations! I mean really, can I just savor the Fall? Every year this is becoming the case earlier and earlier and it is frustrating me! One of my pet peeves. Don't even get me started on radio stations playing non stop carols starting in November either! Bah Humbug!

I was switching the stations on the radio to normal music until about last week! I was getting so depressed because my heart shouldn't be heavy this time of year. It is not me. Then everything mentally started to turn around for me. Meagan and I are making gingerbread houses with the kids on Sunday, we have a Christmas party on Saturday, we are shopping on Saturday as well, the house is almost all decked out, and the kids are overtly excited. It's FINALLY CHRISTMAS for me.

I think part of what moved my spirit in the right direction is my children. Christmas through the eyes of a child can move me to tears. How wonderful for them and for us to be able to share in their wonder and excitement. The other part is an awesome Christmas album! It is titles This Warm December, A Brushfire Holiday Volume I, it is a compilation of new and old songs by some great artists, (among them, Jack Johnson, G Love, and Matt Costa) by BrushFire Records. Check out the link for a sample of all of the songs. On that link you can also upload a photo and have some fun. Here are the tracks:

Someday at Christmas, Jack Johnson (awesome song!!)
Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Mason Jennings
All I Want for Christmas, Matt Costa
No Christmas for Me, Zee Avi (I love this song and her unique voice, going to check more of her out!!)
Stuck at the Airport, Money Mark (Gen's personal favorite!)
Christmas Baby, G Love (on my top 5 list for sure!)
Christmas Time, ALO (this one is touching to me)
The Man in the Santa Suit, Neil Halstead
Christmas, Rogue Wave (very moving!!)
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Jack Johnson (this version has an extra verse in it, we all love this one at home!)
Silent Night, Zach Gill (a sweet version of a beautiful classic)

At Christmas time as of late, I get all emotional about all our men and women in the armed forces, so this one is for them. I feel very selfish stressing about Christmas "things" instead of worrying about what Christmas is really about! This song helps me keep it in perspective! It is the first track above.

Someday at Christmas by Jack Johnson

Someday at Christmas, men wont be boys

Playing with bombs like boys play with toys

One warm December, our hearts will see

A world where men are free

And some day at Christmas, they'll be no wars

When we have learned what Christmas is for

When we have found out what life is really worth

Then there will be peace on Earth

Someday all of our dreams will come to be

Someday in a world where men are free

Maybe not in time for you or for me

But someday at Christmas time

And someday at Christmas, they'll be no tears

All men are equal and no men have fears

In one shining moment my heart ran away

From the world that we live in today

And someday at Christmas, men will not fail

Take all because your love will prevail

Someday in a new world that we can only start

With hope in every heart

And someday all of our dreams will come to be

Someday in a world where men are free

Maybe not in time for you or for me

But someday at Christmas time

There will be peace on Earth,

I said there will be peace on Earth

I have to include one that is not on this album, but it is mine and John's all time favorite Christmas song.

Christmas Song, by Dave Matthews

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend

Shed be his wife, and make him her husband.

A surprise on the way any day any day

One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy

The wise men came, three made their way

To shower him with love while he lay in the hay

Shower him with love, love, love

Love,love,love

Love,love was all around.

Not very much of his childhood was known

Kept his mother Mary worried always out on his own

He met another Mary, who for a reasonable fee,

Less than reputable was known to be

His heart was full of love, love, love

Love, love, love

Love, love was all around.

When jesus christ nailed to his tree

Said oh daddy-o, I can see how it all soon will be

I came to shed a little light on this darkening sea

Instead I fear I've spilled the blood of my children all around

The blood of my children all around

The blood of my childrens all around.

So I'm told, so the story goes

The people he knew were less than golden-hearted

Gamblers and robbers,

Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers

Like you and me, like you and me

Rumors insisted that he soon would be

For his deveations taken into custody

By the authorities, less informed than he

Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers

Searching for love, love, love

Love, love, love

Love, love was all around.

Preparations were made for a celebration day

He said eat this bread but think of it as me

Drink this wine and dream it will be the blood of our children all around

The blood of our children all around

Father up above

Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love, love, love

Love, love, love

Love, love is all around

Father up above

Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love, fill me love, love, yeah

Love, love, love

Love, love, and the blood of our children all around.

The kids favorite songs include Rudolph, Frosty, and I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!

What are your favorite Christmas songs?

*Special thanks to Nathan for being our music library!

Oh Baby It's Cold Outside!

2008-12-12T15:27:00.004-05:00

Being from Florida a lot of my friends and family from Miami ask me how do I face the cold in the mornings. Well, I guess after some years it is not that bad at all. I miss the warm sun on my skin and wearing T-Shirts in December, but for the most part I am beginning to enjoy it.

I hate prying the kids from a warm bed, but being raised here, they don't know any different, and they just don't mind it one bit. It was a gorgeous morning here with clear blue skies and cold crisp air. Gen and I had a Starbucks run on the way to her Pre-School. It was yummy and warm in our tummies. (Oh man, for whatever reason that sounds terrible since she is 4, please don't judge, I really do monitor what she drinks there!) Most of all I can tell that right at that moment we were bonding and making some more awesome memories.

It is now well past the morning, and I shift to looking forward to a cold night. I get to cuddle with my kids and since it is Friday I get to hang out with John under blankets while we watch a movie. Don't Blockbuster nights take on a whole new meaning in the winter?

I love warm blankets, cuddly socks, crackling fires, and tucking the kids in tightly in the winter. We are so fortunate to have the opportunity to appreciate the seasons here.

With winter fast approaching I hope your heart stays warm this season. My wish for you is that your blankets seem softer, your bed warmer, and the light of your fire more beautiful. Make it a point to hug the people you love, now and always ofcourse, but when you do it this season try to really put some thought in what you are doing, take it in. Doesn't it just feel so good?

* My little Gen on a cold morning enjoying some Starbucks!

Where the boys at?

2008-12-11T16:02:00.006-05:00

Between the two girls and myself this blog is getting pretty girlie. There is definitely nothing wrong with that but I had to put some pics of my little boy up today. I love him so much! My first baby is really growing up!

A boy is truth with dirt on it's face, beauty with a cut on it's finger, wisdom with bubble gum in it's hair, and the Hope of the future with a frog in it's pocket.

-Alan Beck

Bella's 1st Year Baby Bullets

2008-12-10T12:24:00.003-05:00

Isabella Grace is one year old!!
Her 1st party was a big success, she was adorable!
Bella has really come to life this past month and is building a huge personality for such a little girl. Quite frankly she is funny. My baby is a trip! Last night she was giving me an awful time trying to get her to go to bed. The last straw was when she crawled away to the other side of the sectional, took her paci out of her mouth, and threw it behind the couch! Then she looked at me, and before I could say no ma'am, she was cracking up. Really laughing at me! Oh oh!
She has 5 teeth now.
Bella weighs 21 pounds and is 31 inches long.
When she wants something you are eating she opens her mouth up and says "ah, ah, ah" , until you give her a taste. She is eating dairy now, and has just transitioned to whole milk, (nice on the wallet!!), she has tried just about all fruits and veggies and likes them with the exception of peaches. I don't give my kids any meat until at the very least 18-20 months, so she has some yummy new things to look forward to, but I may give her some tofu soon. Isabella Grace is loving cheese still, yogurt, granola, and some pasta now as well. It is so fun to see her try new things. She is really enjoying her vanilla smoothies too!
Bella has added some words to her vocabulary, right now she is working on her own versions of: Mama, Dada, TyTy, Hello, Grandpa, Tete (which is her paci), and Nene (that is Gen). She also answers your questions by nodding her head yes, and no. That is so cute--very funny that she really gets the difference!
She has got a head of hair on her, oh man, it is growing so fast!
Loves her toys now, she plays very well on the floor with her toys, and barges in on Ty and Gen, she wants in on the action.
Much to my dismay, it is time to bust out the beautiful baby gates, she can now high tail it up the stairs, very scary! We have to watch her every single second. She crawls so fast! I think it is the fastest and most precise crawling I have been witness to. I think she can walk any day now, but she is being lazy! I would be too if I could get anywhere I wanted to the way she does crawling. She must think, hey why be wobbly and nervous trying to take a step, I can get there at the blink of an eye this way, and then, she is off! Although, she has perfected standing up on her own without any help.
Every day I just can not wait to get home and see her huge smile that she is forever flashing! She makes my heart melt and my troubles disappear in an instant. She fits so perfectly on my chest when we cuddle at bed time, I cant wait for another night and many more years to come! I love you Bella Bear!!

For John

2008-12-08T11:19:00.007-05:00

John,

This one is for you. Sure, no one will understand it or know what it means, (well maybe just two other people), but I know it will make your day. Besides, if this earns me my comfy boots this winter, then I am all for it!!

John, you fed her cake 5 times. With butter cream icing too! Lucky girl.

Now about those boots.......which by the way look almost as sweet as a cupcake ;).

Vikki

2008-12-04T23:39:00.005-05:00

I can't remember much of my childhood before I was 5. Just some tiny instances here and there. I remember being 4 1/2 years old. Mom woke me up in the middle of the night to say good bye to me and tell me that it was time to go to the hospital. She explained that I would meet the new baby the next day. I told her that I could not wait to meet my baby sister. For what seemed like the hundredth time she explained to me that it would probably be a brother. I was adamant it was a sister despite what the doctors had said. I knew she would be a girl. I was 4, I didn't really know, but I believed with all my heart. I was right, I helped name her Victoria.

We grew up together. We played hard, and fought harder. By the time we were preteens and well into the teen years, we were inseparable. There were some family issues when I was in high school, some nasty times came around. I became her protector. I tried to shield her from the hurt and deception, keep her heart as safe as I could, even though it seemed to her I was breaking it. Years later she understood and thanked me.

Through the years we built a huge bond. We became the best of friends, the best I ever had. I moved away, but we always spoke and visited. Neither of us ever missed anything in each others lives. I took her to shop for her prom dress. She was my maid of honor. She graduated high school and moved in with us. Vikki and I went to school together, worked together, lived together, cried and laughed, and grew -together.

When I got pregnant she was the second person to know, and she was there at my first OB appointment, and for nine months she was there, never missing a beat. She was my rock. My labor was 30 plus of hours of PAIN. No meds for well into 17 hours until I had to give up. Vikki cried, she tried to hide the tears, but I saw them. I couldn't tell her a thing, I couldn't tell her not to worry, I could barely breathe the contractions were so hard for so long. My heart broke at the site of her and me not being able to comfort her. She couldn't stand to see me that way, it was killing her. We both understood some how. She was there the entire time, until she had to get a sweater and some things...well she missed it. When she got back everyone had held Tyler, more tears. Talk about heart break.

Vikki was Tyler's everything for a long time. She stayed with John and I a few nights to help with a new born. When my milk came in she held my hand through it, and days later struggled to figure out a breast pump with me. She was his second mom. If she had not seen him in a week, she was over. Vikki always called, almost daily to check in on us.

By the time Gen came she was a pro. This time she went to the first ultra sound when I found out it was a girl, and this time she was in the delivery. That has some great stories in itself. Vikki now had two babies to spoil and love. Again she was always there.

Vikki and I planned all holidays and parties together. We shopped together and did all the things best friends do. We were able to talk to each other about everything and help each other through some great and hard times.

Tyler and Genesis love their Kiki more than anything. Vikki did everything with and for them. She adored those kids. Then something happened. She disappeared. Tyler asked why she didn't love him anymore, why did Kiki leave him.

When Bella was born, she didn't call the day before or the day of to wish me luck. (It was scheduled). On that day she didn't call to see how it went, or how the baby or I were. She never even visited. Not one call. Days later when she came around she was distraught to hear we almost lost her. What if's.

Now a days I am lucky if I talk to her once every two weeks. When we do talk it is because I called her. She doesn't call to talk to the kids. She never comes over just because or to see the kids. She lives about 11 minutes away, if that. When she does come it is because of an obligation. Other than that it is special occasions only.

I miss my sister. I am not sure where she went. I have a lot on me, I worry about a lot of things. If John and I were to die together all our assets and precious children go to her. She was the obvious choice. She loved them. She knew me better than anyone and would raise them the way that I would. I knew she would honor my wishes even when it would be tough on her. We asked her about this of course and she would expect nothing less. She accepted without batting an eye. Every detail she would abide to, signed her life away. I worried about that less then. Now that is a big worry again. I don't think I am so sure. Moreover, I worry about her. She is way up there in my list of worries. I know she is not herself, not happy, lost. I cant help, she wont let me in.

Sad part is I need her now more than ever too. Sadder part is that I realize what her burdens are and though she will not let me help her, I feel her. I understand her, she doesn't have to tell me. On my burdens though, she may know one, but that's it. She has no idea, she is clueless, I am alone.

Vikki has taught me a lot through the years. The last thing she taught me was to never put all you have into one relationship like that, not to count on one person so much. When they are gone if you don't have a back up plan it will be much harder to recover.

Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I am the clueless one. In my defense, I have asked, I have spoken my piece....over and over again. If I were in the wrong I would do all I could to fix it.

I need my sister and friend back. I miss her. I cry at the memories and have tried to move on. Poor John has had to come clean up after my melt downs. He has been great in her place, I think he realizes the emptiness sometimes. It's not the same though, and he knows it.

I love you little sis. I miss you so much. We promised to never end up like Mom and Ana. We never could imagine how they became the way that they are, oh well. Hope you are OK. ....................You will never know.........................You will never read this.

SAY CHEESE!

2008-12-02T18:08:00.004-05:00

Seriously, can you look at this picture and not smile?

Isabella Grace is ONE!!!! Her Birthday was on 11.29 and it went as perfectly as I could have hoped for. So look for some Baby Bullets and Birthday updates soon! Just wanted to spread some smiles around in the mean time.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T10:26:00.005-05:00

I love to reflect on all that I am so thankful for this time of year. It just gets all jumbled up because I am basically so thankful for everything!

Here is the long and short of it though.....

My Children. Big surprise huh? I am just madly in love, head over heels, over my little people. They are happy and healthy, I thank God for them every day.
My Husband. He gets better all the time. I am so lucky.
My Family. Another Thanksgiving and we will all be at the table, what a blessing.
Our Home. It is love and family and cherished memories.
Our great friends.
My job. My boss and even my co-workers! You don't hear that all the time do you?!
The pink Starbucks travel mug I have for my coffee. Keeps it warm forever and is cute too!
Our warm, big, soft, comfy bed with yummy blankets.
Family movie nights on the couch.
A beautiful crackling fire.
Alone time with John.
A Thanksgiving feast!
My children's teachers. These ladies are just incredible!
My camera!
Life, health, God, happiness, laughter, tears, and love.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Enjoy the rest of this beautiful Fall season.

Love, The Lara's

Our 10th Anniversary!

2008-11-21T17:42:00.005-05:00

Today is our 10 year anniversary!! I love you baby!

Looking back I still haven't decided if I think it feels like a long time or not.

Basically I have known John since I was 12 years old. That is more than half of my entire life! I guess it doesn't really feel like it. Though I can not imagine a day without him.

John I love you so much. I can't wait for our special weekend. What a nice chapter to add to our Love Story!

A Letter to My Baby Doll

2008-11-20T11:39:00.008-05:00

Dear Genesis,

I will warn you and all my readers, this will be long. Even the length of this letter will not do my love for you any justice. I do want to get this on here for you for the years to come, and if anything ever happened to me I want you to feel my love, so here it goes......

You turned four this year in August, and here I sit in November typing you this letter. I am sorry the days get ahead of me, but know that it is because I am trying to spend my real time with you and your brother and sister.

Gen, you are so wonderful. Your Daddy and I sit and talk about you guys often and when we get to you all I can say is Genesis is so cool. You are our cool cat. What a well rounded little lady you are. You are truly incredible. I want to tell you why.

You are a great helper. If I am cooking, cleaning, doing whatever, you are right there wanting to help. Even the dishes are fun for you. There is a little stool you use at Mimi's house to reach the sink and you wash away for her. Just last night, at 11 PM I was folding some laundry. Out of the room you come in your cute pajamas, with your hair all brushed and shiny, and you tell me you want to help. I tell you that is late and I am almost done, and I quietly ask you to go back to bed. But, you are quite sassy, so you politely inform me that you do not need rest because you have no school tomorrow! I am of course right, but sometimes, I think it is beneficial as a Mom to let things go when the time is right, and it was right. I tell you that you can sit with me for 10 minutes. You eagerly abide. In my heart I couldn't make you go right back to bed when all you wanted to do was spend some time with me. I love these moments.

Genesis you are joy. You bring us all such joy because you are so cool. Another reason why is that you posses so many qualities that appeal to the masses. You can throw a football better than your brother, yet you beg to wear lipstick and carry a purse, you are such a girly girl, very prissy. Your preschool teacher just described you last month as "wicked smart", you are so sweet, funny, and kind. You want to wear skirts, and you have NO trouble climbing a rock wall in one either. You want to wear a baseball cap, yet the hair underneath it has to be neatly brushed back in order for that to happen.

You love fairy tale movies. All things Disney Princesses, and Barbie. Yet, you love to watch Tyler's dino movies and "guy" stuff with your Dad. What a pleaser you are. The cool thing is, it is totally YOU.

Clothes is a big deal to you. This worries me for the future, but right now it is precious. You actually ask me for things in particular. "Mom, I need a jean skirt" ," Mommy, I need sneakers with blue in them because my other ones are more pink" Things like that come from you all the time! Tyler begs for a toy at Target, but you want that pink top. It is so sweet. You also know how to match your clothes. You go in there and study the closet, and it takes you forever, but I kid you not, you come out of there with the cutest outfits that you put together. It matches down to the shoes, and you even match your panties to your clothes as best you can!! WOW! One time you went to school in your school clothes (which was very cute mind you), but after school we were going to the RBC center to watch the Live Dinosaur Show. You knew that and the night before you said, OK I will wear that to school but you have to pack me something better to wear to the show. You picked out a dress and tights. How could I say no?

Have I told you that you can kick Tyler's butt too? Your Daddy loves to watch you guys tumble around. You are rough and tough, and can take care of your self, another way cool thing for such a little girl. Tyler really adores you. The two of you are inseparable, I have never seen anything like it. You resemble twins in the way you know each oher. Its magic. Bella is lucky too. It took you a while to warm up, but now you call her your baby. You concern yourself with her and I am just so proud of you baby girl.

You love pictures. You tell me you want to be a model because pictures are fun, but then you think about it and look at me and say, but never mind Mama, that is a boring job. I asked you how could meeting tons of people and travelling the world being in pictures be boring and you responded that standing there for a camera is wasted time. It was juvenile enough, but if I look at that in an adult perspective, and I think I may know what you mean! You mean, you want to do more than stand there (which is what you think modeling is) Really, I think you should too, you are SO ACTIVE, you are always doing everything! That doesn't keep you from asking me for a "photo shoot" out of nowhere! THIS IS TONS OF FUN!!!!

Rocking out in the car is a must for you. You have your own CD's that your Daddy makes for you with your favorite songs on them. You love Hannah Montana, Taylor Swift, Jonas Brothers, Michael Buble (this one is for your Daddy, see you are a pleaser) and I think you told me your favorite now is Colbie Calliat. She is one of my faves too. You know all her songs, we sing her tunes together, there are great memories there! Your favorite song right now is Jason Castro's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. That is typical of you. You want to believe in fairies, ponies, unicorns, and magic and rainbows. I am glad that you believe. Whatever you believe in will be your foundation, your core, and it is beautiful. Taylor Swift's new video for Love Story, is one that you love. You loved the song and when I shared the video with you last night, you were delighted. All you could do was talk about love, and her hair and her gorgeous gown.

You love your gymnastics and ballet and tap classes. Your face lights up when you talk about them. You can not walk like a normal person either! Instead, you take 5 steps and then do a forward roll or something in the direction you are going, you make me nervous baby that's for sure. You are so flexible and good at it though, what a cutie! The Olympics this year were a highlight for you, I enjoyed watching them with you. I guess I should bite the bullet and sign you up for the horse back riding lessons you have been begging for.

All my life I have 0nly dreamt of a daughter. When I was pregnant with Tyler I wanted a boy, got my wish! In my heart though I just thought I would never have a daughter because I wanted one that bad. On the day of your ultra sound I told your Dad, well lets go see our boy. He and your aunt Vikki said, nope this ones a girl. I didn't think so. When she said it was a girl, I could feel my hands get sweaty, my legs go numb, my heart was doing flips, and then you were there, just like that. With the sound of your heart beat and the kicking of your little feet, my first tear fell. It was big and full and warm and I can feel it running down my face until this day. I didn't want to blink, I didn't want to stop staring at the screen. I was going to have a daughter, I could almost see the pink, and lace, and good times ahead. Little did I know that even my imagination couldn't dream up something as big as you. Your smile lights up a room, Julia Roberts has nothing on you! The bounce in your step, your clumsy ways, your heart of gold, I could never imagine such perfection.

I was elated for months. A daughter, a daughter, a daughter. Oh you have got to see your nursery honey. It is all I envisioned and more. It was beautiful. So girly. We worked so hard on it, your daddy on my beckon call trying to make me happy about it. He did. When I was little, I would say like 10, I went to a Christening and one of the babies there was named Genesis. I loved the name. I was little, it impacted me, it was different, and that little girl was gorgeous. Your Dad knew that story and so your name would be Genesis. I had doubts. It is so out there. I didn't want people to make fun of it. Or for you to be out casted in some way because of it. Dad got really upset about it and would hear no part of it. He said my dream was happening now, and I wanted Genesis so there was no negotiating. He was completely correct. You are here you are Genesis Nicole. So new, so fresh, so different, so mine. I love to see peoples reactions to your name now. They either love it or hate it, no in between. I don't care, but it is funny. Pastor Dial loved it though. I was so glad to see the joy on his face as he repeated your name over and over at your baby dedication. New beginnings, that is you.

When I picked out my wedding dress to marry your Dad 10 years ago, it was an ordeal. I needed that perfect dress. I found it, I worked hard for it, I bought it, I wore it, I loved it, it was my fairy tale. Now you love fairy tales, and brides, and dresses. About two weeks ago you were watching some brides on TV and you began to question me on wedding dresses. I answered you and then the day I only dreamt of came, you wanted to see mine. Every woman with fairy tale wishes wants their daughter to maybe use her dress or some of it, wants their daughter to try it on, it's just a full circle moment. You gave me that on that day. I took it out, and you should have seen your eyes and jaw drop. Oh Genesis you were in heaven. You simply couldn't believe that it was mine. You held the tulle, you tried to measure the length of the train, you played with the head piece. If I die tomorrow, I had one of my dreams come true right before my eyes, even though you are just 4. This came much sooner than I ever imagined and it came in a way I couldn't have planned on. I told you that you could have that dress if you wanted it. I know very well that by the time you need it, it will not be what you want though. I explained to you why you would want your own. How it would be outdated (gees, it already is) You understood, but you still were perplexed. I told you that you could use the head piece or any other part of it that you wanted, but that I really think you wouldn't want it in its entirety. Of course, you disagreed, but we will see. At least when I told you that there was so much material in that dress and that you could have it tailored to your liking, and there would still be some left for Bella, you said, OK Mom, the crown is mine, and the bottom (the tulle stuff is at the bottom, very princess like) is mine too. Bella can have the top (the bodice) and half of the train. You are the greatest.

Can I share one more with you? I have so many, these are just my favorites. Last week I was very tired and sleepy in the morning so on the way to leaving you at Mimi's house I asked Daddy if he could get me some Starbucks. He said no because we were running late. That day I actually left Daddy at work first since the other car was getting fixed. Once I left him you said to me "Did I hear you say Starbucks"? I say yes I did. You replied "well, why cant we go now"? Well, you are right, why not!? You were grinning ear to ear in your princess booster seat with your bling sun glasses on. I pulled in the drive through and you say, here we are at the Starbucks yummmmmmmm. I got you a children's size white hot chocolate. Of course you thought it was a white chocolate mocha, but hopefully you will not know I did that until much later when you read this. You are my partner in crime. Coffee is a passion for you. You are even beginning to know the difference between Caribou and Starbucks drinks. I am probably creating a monster but the funny thing is I didn't. You pick all this up somehow on your own. How lucky for me. More dreams come true.

Genesis you are so many things to so many people. You are your Daddy's Princess. His little girl. My Doodlebug. My cool cat. Grandma's Star. Mimi's little helper. Grandpa's Love. Nana's Princess Doodle. Tyler's "Nene" and Best Friend. Bella's "girl power" leader. You are in the center of my heart, always. You are our Genesis.

Gen, you were made just for me. I really believe that. How else can you be so perfect? You are my soul mate, you complete me, I look in your eyes and I see a stronger, better, smarter, kinder version of me. What an honor you are to have in my life. You are my mini me, just new and improved. The sky is the limit for you. I can't wait to see you go on this journey called life and see first hand just where it takes you--or better said, where you take it. Never let dreams slip away from your fingers, if you lose that fairy dust, you will never get it back. It melts, disappears and get sucked in by the air and earth, so hold on tight. Don't look back and keep that dust in a jar in your heart, locked up tight.

I love you my darling daughter, more than I can ever express. Like you always say "Girls Rule, Boys Drool". You are a beacon of shining light.

I love you,

Mommy

PS After I took you to the spa for your birthday we took you to take these gorgeous pictures since you looked so beautiful and you love photo shoots. I hold these close to my heart always.

The song below is Martina McBride's. You can take it very literal. It is not every day you find a song the exactly expresses the way you feel from top to bottom like this. This so perfectly expresses more than I could have ever said.

In My Daughter's Eyes

I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me

gives mestrength when I am weak

I find reason to believe

In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand

around my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart

has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes

I can see the future

A reflection of who I am

and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see

how happy she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

Sweet and Sassy

2008-11-19T14:40:00.010-05:00

The title of this blog totally encompasses Genesis Nicole. She is really sweet and super sassy! For her 4th birthday I wanted to do something special with her. Something just for her. As a surprise I took the day off and took her to Sweet and Sassy. Its basically a salon/spa for little girls. (yes you read that right). It was so incredible! She loved every part of it.

Before going there we took her for some breakfast, I even let her have coffee. Gen is infatuated with the stuff. I usually trick her and get her hot cocoa and she thinks she is having coffee, but that isn't working too well anymore! I totally let her splurge on her birthday though. (guilty)

This place was outrageous. It is huge. There are dressing rooms, different stations, completely state of the art and glammed up. She shopped in the (huge) store and selected a lip gloss and cotton candy hair fragrance spray (this stuff is AMAZING!!). There were some stations set up where you can make your own lotion, or body scrubs, so of course she made that too. It was so much fun!
First she got her nails done, then a full our pedicure! Gen loved picking out her colors and sitting like a big girl. When the gal did her nails she got her hands massaged with sparkly cream and then they dust more glitter on the tiny hands. So sweet. They allowed her to pick a nail art, and she picked a rainbow, and a little ring. The pedicure was pretty traditional. She got another nail art, she decided on an electric guitar. (what a cool chick she said it was Hannah Montana's) She got a cute toe ring, and even more glitter. Glitter EVERYWHERE!

Then she got her hair done. They shampooed it, conditioned it, put a gloss rinse in it, dried it, cut it, and styled it with cute curls. During the process she dozed off, what a total girl! Then of course she got a lot more GLITTER!

After that she went on to get some make up. I think this was her favorite part. I was happy that it was very simple and natural. I loved the stylist, she is great with kids and looked liked she loved what she was doing.

Finally she was all set for her big debut. She rocked the cat walk with a boa and crown on. Simply adorable. She is the stuff all my dreams were always made out of. A girl after my own heart. Who am I kidding, she already has it in her back pocket.

Sorry about the ton of pics, but I just couldn't resist! I can't wait to take her again!

Gens 4th Bday Party

2008-11-19T13:04:00.005-05:00

This summer was Gen's 4th Bday. I meant to post these pics a long time ago, but obviously never got to it.

Grandma hosted a Hannah Montana (her favorite) party for her at Kids Together Park in Cary. It was just family but she had a really great time. It was very perfect for her. She was very surprised. She got a ton of gifts that were very special to her. It's like she got everything she wanted all at one time and she really could not beleive it. Some of the highlights were a Hannah Montana PJ, Hannah umbrella, a jewlery box, special stuffed animals, a tea set, a Hannah Montana necklace, a charm bracelet with charms that all mean something to her, and a lot of other things too. What a blessed little girl.

Mom, thanks for being a great Grandma. The party was so appreciated and a big hit!

Hope you enjoy these pics from her special day....

One of My Moods

2008-11-14T21:25:00.003-05:00

......................I am feeling....................

...........TiReD...........

...............HAPPY...yet sad.........

...OVERwhelmed.............lost..........

.......ConFLicTed.............. THANKful...........

........WeirD..........

........OUT of SoRtS........

......DEfeated...............................aPPreHenSiVe...............

FAILure............EMPTY........

.......... Am I CRAZY?.......

"Sideways"

You know it ain't easy

For these thoughts here to leave me

There's no words to describe it

In French or in English

Well, diamonds they fade

And flowers they bloom

And I'm telling you

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

They've been knockin' me out lately

Whenever you come around me

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

I keep thinking in a moment that

Time will take them away

But these feelings won't go away

Courtesy of the awesome Citizen Cope...one of my faves.........

Hope I get to finding myself. Hoping even more that your weekend is wonderful and your life is filled with peace. I am looking for something, we all are, hope you (we) find it.

Love always,
V

Bella's Baby Bullets

2008-11-12T11:47:00.007-05:00

Oh man, I am planning Isabella's 1st birthday party right now! This is so crazy! Time has flown. I am planning on having a party fit for a baby diva! It will be totally modern retro chic. Thinking browns and pinks and polka dots.... We are going to have a mashed potato bar, all the condiments you can think of, all to be self-served in martini cups. This way even the one year old can have some plain mashed taters and actually enjoy her birthday meal and the adults can have something way cooler than mac n cheese!

My sister got her the cutest dress ever, it is very eighties with a modern twist. It is brown with modern pink and aqua hearts on it, there is tulle coming out of the bottom of it, (think Madonna in the eighties with the lace gloves), it is simply delicious. We are going to go to my most favorite bakery here in downtown Cary, Blue Moon, and have a cake made to match her dress with brown fondant and the hearts. It will be adorable!

I mean, she will never remember this, she has no way of picking out her things or a character so why not make it adorably hip for her. Really, aren't first birthday parties for the parents anyway? I think so in reality, so I will make it totally me, and hope that one day she can look at the pics and totally love it. Time will tell. Anyhow, on to the bullets:

Bella Grace will be 1 on 11/29!!
She has another tooth now, so two on bottom, and one that looks so big on top. I think there is another one coming in right by it too.
She is playing so well now, she just loves her toys.
Crawls like a mad women she is so quick!
What an attitude! Boy can she scream and yell and bang until she gets what she wants. Whatever she wants is quite known. I love that trait!
Cute cute cute cute cute! Need I say more?
Her hair is really starting to come in, I am having fun with little tiny bows. Girls rock.
Cheese please! She loves cheese. Whenever she is crabby I give her some and she is all better!
She loves her brother and sister, and ME! She wants me all the time, a lot more than ever now. Sorry Daddy, I have taken the lead, but I know you enjoy your close second ;0).
Her favorite thing must still be dancing up a storm. Between her and Gen we will have seriously rough teenage years. Whew!

Johns Tatts

2008-10-27T17:10:00.008-04:00

A few months ago John sent me this cute and funny picture on my cell phone. It made me smile. He has a tattoo of Tyler's name (he got that one like a week or two before Ty was even born). When Gen was born he added hers. Now he is trying to figure out a way to tie the two together and he is not sure what he is going to do for Isabella just yet. In the mean time I guess he was getting inspired?

Let me tell you if John Henry Lara gets a tattoo with my name on it, I will definitely post it on here ASAP. I tease him about getting it often and I do not think that will EVER happen. In all sincerity I think that getting your significant others name inscribed in you is usually not the way to go. Moreover, it can be a bit tacky. I think he thinks so too, and agrees that with his children it is different (obviously). I still love to give him a hard time about it from time to time. Hence the pic.

I have given this some thought however, (scary I know), and I tell him he is stuck with me forever at this point so what the hell!? I am forever going to be the mother of his kids no matter what happens, so he will never forget me even if he tried! I mean he can try, but if he goes running away from his crazy wife he is too much of a good Daddy to leave those kids. I tell him that if he punks out and dips we will still have kids to share, call to check on, and recitals and games to attend, all which will help his mind to never forget me, lol. Might as well seal the deal I say.

Besides, I know he can not look in his daughter's eyes and not see mine in there, so he is pretty much screwed at this point. John is a smart dude though, he will never leave; the hot, steamy, mind blowing sex is just that good. ;)

Honey, if you are reading this, I know my name sucks, but my initials will do. Put them wherever you want, no one has to see them. You are a betting man, and aren't you willing to bet you would earn yourself even better sex? Love ya!

Glenn Beck

2008-10-17T14:14:00.005-04:00

Lately I am loving Glenn Beck. I do not always agree with his views, but I just think he is great. I am drawn to him for whatever reason. I can't wait to get his new book The Christmas Story. It is a book about his childhood and I think the premise is that a sweater is the last thing he gave his Mom before she committed suicide. I am sure the book will be as captivating as I find him.

Between the kids needing things, and John hating to watch any kind of news or entertainment show and dying to change the channel on me I never get to watch an entire episode with out interruptions. I get just bits and pieces. When it is Glenn Beck, I will take it!

Last night in between my bits and pieces I caught a quote that he said which resonated with me. I am not sure if he was quoting someone or if it is his line, but anyhow here it is (as best as I can remember it).

Be the person you want to be not the person we have let ourselves become.

I think I will take this one with me and try to apply it.

I heart Glenn Beck!

Snips and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

2008-10-16T11:42:00.008-04:00

I know babies don't come with a handbook, but someone needs to write one! In it there should be all sorts of crazy facts that expecting parents are to naive to even consider when they are in that complete bliss of awaiting their precious child. There should also be a section for Girls and one for Boys.

If you are anything like me, snakes and frogs, OK ESPECIALLY FROGS, are off limits. I don't like them and they don't like me, and that is just fine! That said, one would do anything for their children, and I have done just that. I have compromised myself, my life, everything in order to put them first and have them brought up the way I "think" would be healthy and happy for them. I hold myself completely responsible for a lot of things, and one of those is providing them a childhood they will cherish the rest of their lives. That is why there is currently a tadpole at home ( a HUGE one).

For the handbook-- If you are expecting a baby or planning on a family some day, there is a chance you will have a boy, and with that comes a lot of BUGS and ANIMALS. This summer we have housed, caterpillars, moths, ladybugs, meal worms, frogs, tadpoles, snails, beetles, lizards, and tripods, all courtesy of a very sweet and adventurous little boy and his spunky little sister. Be ready to welcome these lovely creatures into your porch, garage, and home if you really want to make your child gleam with happiness.

This morning was a morning that will be cherished for years to come. One that I can keep in my mind as one of those illustrations I blogged about a few days ago. You will be so proud to know that I consciously resisted the urge to get the camera.

Ty and Gen got to Mimi's house and on the way in they noticed some earth worms. These guys had to be the longest, fattest ones I have EVER seen. SO GROSS! They stop and look and ohhh and awww. Gen has her dear elephant "Lovey" in hand, and a huge blanket trailing behind her. Her tiny feet look so funny with her big Dora slippers on, her petite self so precious in her purple nightgown. Tyler is stooping over crazy over this worm, such fascination that he is stuttering over his words with excitement. Wow Mmmmooommm, look at ththththis. He is HUGE!! He looks like a snake. He is tripping over himself with his Cars fuzzy slippers looking so handsome with his football PJ . I have this huge bag on my shoulder and Bella in tow, three inch heels, and things falling everywhere. I started to say come on lets get in, but you know what? I stopped myself. I didn't do that. That small tiny observation made me step back and take it in.

I checked them out. I noticed how Tyler was loving towards his sister. "Look Gen, this one is hiding under the leaves." "Do you think we should get one?" I love to see how Genesis admires her brother, she was so proud of him for scoping these suckers out. "Tyler, how cool!" "They are too big Tyler!" "Tyler what are we going to do?"

The sun was shining, the leaves in the trees were yellow and scarce and most laid on the ground right beneath their tiny feet. It was really a gorgeous sight. Of course, they weren't done, but I eventually snapped out of it and told them that they were in PJ's after all, and that the blanket was getting germs, and that Bella needed a diaper change. After about another minute of plotting they came inside.

I had just enough time to put Bella down and they were off in the Adidas bag like crazy people. "Where are my Rainbows Mom?" Tyler yelled. "Tyler I got them" said Gen. They scurry about change the fuzzy slippers and into the Rainbows they went. Then off to the kitchen cabinets to grab Tupperware. (yeah Grandma loves this part). "OK Mom", Gen says. I am thinking "OK" what? "Mom, we are going to walk you out", Tyler responds. Yeah right, that's code for I am comfy in flip flops, the Tupperware is ready, and you are heading in the direction where those worms are so we are coming with you lady.

Today I bent over in slacks and heels and tried to scare the most disgusting thing ever in to my Grandmothers cherished Tupperware. Today I broke a nail on the sidewalk doing as such. Today I couldn't stop for coffee. Today I was late to work and my cell phone is broken so I couldn't even call in properly. (yes it is broken because Isabella has drooled in her favorite toy way too much ; that's another thing, nothing is off limits most of the times we parents give in to even stupid things, like letting her suck on the phone. Though I must say, she knows three words, Mama, Dada, and HELLO which she yells in to the phone, pretty priceless). Today I am sure that right beside that tadpole at home an earthworm will also be there.

Today I had an awesome morning. Today I admired my children. Today I hugged them tight. Today I watched there faces light up at something that was free! Today I watched their team work. Today I felt their love for each other. Today I saw them making memories and living a fun childhood right before my very eyes. I am thankful for today. Today I made an illustration. Today they made everything better.

I love you guys so much!! One question though, can we lay off the living things?!

My Body

2008-10-10T15:42:00.002-04:00

I have lost a considerable amount of weight after Bella's birth, but not as much as I want to, or intend to. I say that because 5 years ago before the birth of Tyler I was at a more optimal weight for me. Then came two more births; Genesis just 13 months after Tyler (yeah wow is right, I didn't expect it either, and it sure did take a toll!) my weight then hit an all time high, and then came Isabella about 3 years after that. Now I weigh a bit more than I did when I first became pregnant with Tyler, but not as much as I did before Bella.

My body is a machine, and it worked to a maximum level. It endured an expanding belly, organs being compressed, compromised and moved around. My body created life, it nourished my unborn children, protected them, kept them safe, allowed them to grow. As if 9 long months of this wasn't enough it safely contracted these new born children out of my body during the ultimate test of labor. But, it wasn't done yet, a few stitches later it went on to produce nourishment for them after they were born and continued to take a beating that included pain and no sleep. I couldn't ask for a more polished machine.

No, I don't like what the scale says, neither am I ignorant enough to blame its short comings on the kids, not 100 percent. It is my lifestyle and other common denominators. Though I still would love to change some things, I have learned to love my body. I really do. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have many things to be thankful for in coming to this revelation. One of those things is John.

Angelina Jolie, could not have said it better when she was talking about her body in an interview with People magazine, she went on to say this about her body and Brad Pitt:

"I'm with a man who's evolved enough to look at my body and see it as more beautiful, because of the journey it has taken and what it has created," she says. "He genuinely sees it that way. So I genuinely feel even sexier."

Not that she has anything to worry about, but it doesn't matter how perfect you are, when you are a woman and you go through the miracle of creation your outlook changes completely on yourself and hopefully for the best!

Right Now

2008-10-09T13:49:00.004-04:00

I am working on some things right now...here they are...

to never go to bed mad at my husband, children, or myself
to stop being so hasty in the mornings even when we are late (John, I need your help with this one)
to be a better mother
to be a better wife
to be a better friend
trying to figure out a way to earn more money
finding out how I can cram a full days list of things to do in the 24 hours available without going to bed at 2 AM.
as an add on to #7 I am trying to get more sleep
need to spend more time, quality time, with my kids
stop raising my voice so much
not letting the laundry pile up
continue reading more (I did get done with my book a few weeks ago and am getting ready to start the next one)
make some me time

What are you working on?

Getting IT Done!

2008-10-07T11:30:00.010-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I went over to Shayna and Ryan's. It was a Monday night so we had pizza and the boys watched football, and Howard Stern of course, then Shayna did my hair. Shayna's parents own high end salons in Cary called JF Gemelli. These salons are so nice, and these people can do some mad hair, her Mom Royce is amazing! (if you are local you should check them out, just click here).

Anyway, if you know me at all you know I have an ungodly amount of hair and it is long to boot. Not an easy task to accomplish in a home rather than the salon. We decided to do it at her place because it was just easier with our schedules and that we can all hang out anyway, but I think we learned our lesson.

We started in the kitchen, there were bottles of stuff everywhere. It looked like a mad scientist lab. Then there were a ton of foils in the sink too. We attempted to wash this long mane in the kitchen sink, proved to be difficult. For the final wash we moved to the bathroom. I sat on a bench on the edge of the tub and Shay got in the tub and washed it all out, she was soaked.

We couldn't stop laughing. She kept saying "this is so ghetto". That made me crack up, all I kept thinking was how funny we must look doing this. It took her hours. It was so much work for her this way. She didn't have all the plush conveniences she was used to and it was crazy. She was stressing out, so all I could hear was "Ryan, bring me a towel". "Ryan get me that chair." "Ryan I need another towel." "This is so ghetto." "Oh man I got dye on the counter." "Crap I messed up your skirt" "Wait Veronica I have to go switch mt shirt." "THIS IS SO GHETTO." Meanwhile, I can hear all sorts of raunchy things that one should never really hear in the background coming from Stern. So funny.

When she was done, she was exhausted. So it was time for a quick shot to celebrate! I wanted to help her clean up the mess that we had everywhere, but she was like NO WAY, I will do it in the morning. When we left she just passed out for the night.

Shayna, thanks for all of your trouble. It was fun in a way though, you have to admit. Sorry for being Rapunzel. Next time, we can do it the easy way. OK?

"This is so ghetto"........well yeah Shayna it is....just like a light show......."word"..........

(I love this blog, I get to say all sorts of things that I would other wise never get the opportunity to say, lol)

Illustrations

2008-10-06T11:54:00.006-04:00

Lately I have been looking at the world around me, or my family and children, and I think about how I don't want to forget that particular moment in time. I wonder if I will forget. It is sad to think that I may.

The kids are growing so fast these days. I don't want to forget the way each of them are RIGHT NOW. Genesis in her adorable dress and tights with her hair done just right for her first picture day at preschool today. Tyler with his mischievous smile and bed head since he fell asleep on the way to school. Isabella in the cutest little sailor type Timmy Hilfiger dress that was passed down from Gen. John with his sad sexy eyes because he is feeling sick today (not that I want him to be sick, but the sweet eyes I can deal with). The beautiful red sunset the kids and John and I admired on Saturday......the perfect Fall day that proceeded when we visited a local pumpkin patch ....etc......

Wish I can keep all the snap shots in my head as a picture book with an index. Then I can just look it all up right there like a Rolodex, right at my finger tips, anytime I want to.

I am trying to concentrate on living in the moment. Taking my family and everything around me in as much as I possibly can. Maybe these moments can even be more than just mere illustrations if I actually touch them, live them, enjoy them.

We have a family camera at home; it is a fairly large one with a big lens. I begged and begged for a small on that I can keep in my purse. It is an adorable pink Sony Cybershot. Obviously my husband was nice enough to get me what I wanted (not without a fight of course). Now I wonder if it was a hindrance. The pictures in a disk or a camera are no substitute for the illustrations in our minds and hearts. I think I am going to take up mind sketching now!

Bella's Baby Bullets

2008-10-01T16:56:00.007-04:00

* with her proud Grand Daddy

My baby girl is now 10 months old! Growing up so fast!
Bella is weighing in at about 21 pounds and about 27 inches long.
She is a mischievous little one that's for sure. The picture below was taken during one of her favorite past times. Her Daddy swings her around like he is a human roller coaster (can you see the "speed" in that pic? weee!!!!!!!!! ) while she is strapped in her car seat. I cringe and try not to look, John loves every second, and of course so does Isabella! She cracks up in pure delight. When Daddy is done she looks at him as to say, hello, why did you stop!?

Still sporting just two teeth on the bottom, but they are still so cute.
Right now she has a little bit of a cold and she looks so pitiful and makes me sad to see her that way. She can't decide if she wants to suck her paci, or spit it out to breathe etc. Same deal when she is trying to drink her bottle. So pitiful when I cant do anything about it.
Can you say CHEESE? Her diet is still limited, I am pretty natural when it comes to their diets especially when they are so small, but she is now eating cheese! I have to basically crumble it up for her, then she takes her index finger and thumb and pinches the tiny pieces and eats it all up! Entertains her for a good while too. She is also eating organic yogurt now. Yumm-O!

She is weighing about 21 pounds and is 27 inches long.
Bella also loves to play peek a boo. She looks for us behind walls, under sheets and pillows, and everything else we can think of.
She is crawling very well and pulling herself up very successfully too.

* At the museum pulling herself up in front of a fish tank. "look at me Mommy, like the bid kids!" boy was she angry when it was time to go!

Her next favorite thing to play is tag. She loves it when we pretend to chase after her while she crawls away, we act as if we can't get her. She literally loses her breath the laughter is so big. The joy in her eyes when we play with her on the floor like that is priceless. She makes my heart equally joyful. These are the memories that I want snap shots of in my brain forever.

I absolutely adore you my one and only Bella Bear!

We Love You Max

2008-09-26T14:52:00.007-04:00

Our beloved pet chameleon MAX passed away last night.

I shed a tear and then it was time to break it to the kids. Mainly Tyler.

John didn't want to tell them but I thought we should. They go say goodnight to him every night and I was afraid they would notice.

Max must have just died. He was on his branch peacefully sleeping. He looked healthy, with gorgeous green and orange colors. So I decided they can say a proper good bye to him while he still looked so good. Less traumatic, I thought.

I told them.

*Above is a tiny and shedding Maxameleon when we first brought him home.

*Tyler above showing off his little dude.

Tyler cried and cried. He was devastated. He has already planned a funeral for Max. He wants to put him in a small box and bury him in the back yard. We are all to take turns to says something nice about MAX. He has a rock that is painted green that he collected from a Superman birthday party, it is supposed to be kryptonite. He wants to write "MAX" on it and place it where we put him to rest. Tyler then rushed off to call Grandma and tell her the bad news. Tears running down his face and bottom lip just trembling the entire time.

* Gen in her pajamas saying good night to baby Max.

Gen whimpered a bit and was very quiet and stressed out. In typical Gen style however, she shook it off and then said "OK, so now can we go get a cat like Rachel's?" That's my girl, never ever pass up a window of opportunity.

Gen was trying to make Tyler feel better the entire night. She played trains to appease him, let him pick the better crayons, and even let him sleep with her elephant. They were pretty stressed and they weren't asleep until way past midnight though. Somehow they managed to make it to school today.

We will miss you MAX.

Are You Kidding Me?

2008-09-25T12:29:00.010-04:00

John always laughs at me because whenever I am very frustrated I let out a big "Are You Kidding Me?? "For example, if one of the kids has an accident in their pants, you will hear "are you kidding me"...if I walk in on them drawing on the wall....... "are you kidding me"..... if anyone makes me really mad ... "are you kidding me"...... It's a Veronica thing, I can't help it. The phrase comes out before I even have a chance to assess the situation.

I had the HUGEST "are you kidding me" moment this week. Even huger than being pregnant. I mean, I LOVE being pregnant. I am good at it I think. No complaining from me, no morning sickness, only swelled with one of the kids, skin looks great, I can even rock stilettos for the entire 9 months (which made my boss and mom and grandmother, very nervous going up and down stairs). Now the pain of natural child birth, that is different all together....goodness gracious, I mean really, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??" I must admit that what I am going to tell you is even worse than the nightmare that is to push something so big from your va-jay-jay!! To me anyway.

Two nights ago or so I was doing what I have mentioned before as the "nightly marathon", this is where I get everything for the kids ready for the next day. This includes going through Tyler's back pack and sending back any signed forms to school that the teacher may need. There inside his red folder was "the" paper of all papers. It was a list of dates and times, on it I was to select my first, second and third choice of appointments to meet with his teacher for a first quarter conference. OK I thought, I will think about this. I went on to make his lunch.

Then I finally sat down for a moment, I thought to myself, I really need a Martini for this. I have to go to a parent teacher conference. I mean really? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? How fricken old am I? How old is he? When the hell did this happen, and really, where was I? It was just yesterday (OK so it was really 5 years ago) I was crying over FINALLY getting a positive pregnancy test, and now here I am ready to attend his first scary parent teacher conference.

I remember when mom had to go to school for me, but not in Kindergarten, for some reason, I don't remember these conferences until I was in middle school. I wondered, will they tell her I sneak in lip stick and put it on when I get here? Will they mention that the skirts that are way too short for school, I hide in my back back and change into it when I get here? How about that time I was passing notes?! It was so scary, but it always worked out. Now here I am, having to go to another one of these things after all these years. Except this time I am on the other side of that desk, not waiting for Mom in the hall. It is just as frightening.

After the initial shock of it, I got better. I am excited to know how he is doing and coping with school. He is too young to be doing anything terrible, (at least one would hope), but if he is shoving play dough up his nose, not sharing, talking out of turn, or something like that, I do want to know. I will walk to his class room, lovingly sit him outside the classroom with a book to read, and tell him to quietly wait for me while I speak to Mrs. Smith, give him a kiss, and probably even get choked up. I cant believe I am here. This is my life. I love it. It is crazy wonderful. But again, seriously, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

* Oh yes, and by the way, the week hasn't gotten any better. I am now going to a PTA meeting (OK stop laughing!!) on 09/30/08, my first ever. I hope it will not be my last, I want to be involved, but in all honesty, I will let you know after the thirtieth!!

Ladies and Gentlemen....

2008-09-24T13:58:00.006-04:00

It is FALL!!!! I know I have written about Fall in here before, but I can't help it. What a great time of year this is. Especially here in North Carolina. The weather is just absolutely gorgeous. It is nothing but clear blue sunny skies today with a breeze that is just whispering my name. I wish I was on the beach or at a picnic or something, anything to be outside instead of a stuffy office.

I am so excited because we are going to spend a weekend at my parents' mountain house this Fall when the leaves peak. The kids and I are going to have a picnic on the Blue Ridge Parkway, enjoy the mountain scenery, green grass, and the beautiful hues of fiery reds, and oranges the leaves bring. We are planning on collecting leaves and then making a scrap book with those and photos of our day. We are also going to rub color. Just place the leaf under a paper, and then slightly rub a crayon over it and you get a cute stencil, stamp, sort of leaf, we will include those in our book as well. I don't know why, but I am overtly excited about it! It will be a great bonding and memory making sort of time. I think it will go well, and if it does, it will be a new tradition for the Lara's. I love traditions.

Fall brings good stuff; friends, family, Thanksgiving, football, pleasant weather, and Pumpkin Spice Lattes!! Ohhhhhh soooooo good! It seems like Starbucks brings them a bit before Fall, but they taste better when the weather compliments them so perfectly. Oh, yeah, and this year, they don't have to be decaf!! How cool is that??!!

Peace and Love,
V

A Lot To Live Up To

2008-09-15T23:18:00.007-04:00

I am thankful tonight for a very special mother, daughter moment.

Genesis Nicole was in the tub in my bathroom as I was moving about picking up and sorting laundry...........

Gen: Mommy, I want to be just like you.

Me: taken a back......Aww Gen why do you say that?

Gen: Because I like everything about you and want to be what you are.

Me: Genesis, thanks so much, that was beautiful, but you know what?...tearing up.....

Gen: hair soaking wet, bubbles all around her, ......What?

Me: I want to be just like you.

Gen: Why?

Me: Because you are perfect in every way, just the way you are.

Wow, no pressure. I know as a mother I am a big influence on my daughter, but knowing something and actually living it are two different things. Period. I am living it. It's scary. It's nerve wracking, it's amazing, it's beautiful, it's pure love, innocence and grace.

Genesis, I only have one shot at this, but if I can teach you one thing, it is to never give up, and this is my chance to forever prove to you I will try to lead by example. BRING IT ON.

My beautiful brown eyed girl, I will live my life forever trying to never, ever, let you down.

I love you with all my heart!

Everything

2008-09-14T18:03:00.011-04:00

John has a pretty broad range of music taste. No genre is off limits, though one of his preferred styles is crooning. Among the favorites are Dean Martin, Harry Conick Jr, and at the top of that list is Michael Buble. I even love me some Buble. Whew!

Yesterday John came home eager to play a song for me, in typical John fashion, as he does this often. He busts out a CD he has burned and pops in some Michael Buble. He tells me that this song was for me. John can tell a story through songs, he has one for anything and everything, so this isn't something that catches me off guard.

Somehow this one was different. I was holding Bella in my arms on the couch, she was napping, and the song starts. I immediately take to the song, there isn't much that can come from Michael Buble that I don't like. The lyrics were cute, playful, yet so beautiful and meaningful. I look over at John and his eyes were all welled up.

It has been said that real men wear pink, real men can cry, real men are great fathers. I am proud to say that John does all of the above. Thanks honey for that moment that was just for me. I will not ever forget it. Thank you My Love, for EVERYTHING.

Everything
Michael Buble
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

***The title is a hyper link to the music video on YouTube.

Remembering 9/11

2008-09-12T11:19:00.007-04:00

It is so hard to wrap my mind around how fast the years are flying. I remember this terrifying day like it was yesterday. Like many people, I remember where I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing, how I felt--the panic, devastation, fear, anger,unbelief, and overwhelming sadness. It is a day no American will ever forget for years and years to come. My heart goes out to all the families that were affected by this fateful day. The children, the mothers, the fathers, husbands and wives, all robbed of a full life. This day has to be especially tough for them and I cannot bare to even attempt to feel the way that they must feel. What an unimaginable tragedy.

Coincidentally, I finally picked up the book Lets Roll, Ordinary People, Extraordinary Courage., to read, I got it through work months ago, but never have the time to read it. I figured it cant be a better day to try and start. This book was written by Lisa Beamer, the wife of 9/11 hero Todd Beamer. He was on flight 93 on the way to San Francisco, but never made it. It is the story of Todd's life and the brave passengers & crew of flight 93. Lisa's style is very genuine and candid, I can almost live the experience through her words and it is heart wrenching. Todd left behind two young sons, a pregnant wife, and a daughter that he never got the chance to see born, hold, or hug. The book was on the New York Time's Best Seller List and the winner of the 2003 ECPA Gold Medallion Award and I cant wait to get through it.

I haven't read a book in years, other than parenting, pregnancy or breast feeding books, or Goodnight Moon, lol, and I do miss it. After this one I am going to read a book a friend let me borrow, it is titled The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am excited to read this one. John and I will be married 10 years this November, and I would love to share many more with him, so whatever helps!

Happy Friday!

Off Center

2008-09-08T12:11:00.003-04:00

All has been well in the Lara household past couple of weeks.
Some things have been "tricky" but all in all, I cant complain because we are all healthy and happy.

I need to return to Yoga so I can find my center a bit. I seem to be all out of sorts again. I need to find that happy place within myself or else nothing feels right. Seems like with kids, and basically living for them in a sense, it is more difficult to find that place and hang on to it. It has to be a conscious effort to make it work. It is almost like I just came crashing down really fast after a big drop on a roller coaster. Ahh, a roller coaster, I have felt like riding one lately, but that’s a whole other story.

I just cant finish what I start. Too many loose ends all over the place. Returned the library books but one is still at home, bought school pictures but I haven't passed them out, did the laundry and folded it, but haven't put it away, rented a movie but haven't seen it, on and on the list goes. Even with my posts on here, I have several started , but I just cant finish them. Still trying to wrap up the posts from Gen's spa day and her Birthday and pictures etc.

Here is a bit of a "Veronica's Life Recap" (crazy busy) :

My sister and her husband and my niece and nephew came to visit from Florida. It was so great to see them all. I didn’t realize how much I miss them until they were actually here. We had the best time catching up and getting to know each other. The kids are so sweet and the cousins played well together. Saturday night we went out and partied, about 9-10 of us and we had a blast.
Last week, we got rear ended. John got a bit of a black eye and Tyler got a little hurt on his head too but they were all OK thank goodness! It was so scary though to think my babies were all in the car. They were shaken up. Come to find out, the lady that hit us teaches at Ty and Gens preschool. Poor lady was so upset that there three kids were in the car etc. Just glad it is over, and glad it wasn’t MY fault, lol!!
Genesis seems to be battling some kind of stomach thing, with a bit of a low grade fever constantly. Except last Wednesday when it shot up to 103! My sweet little Gen, hate to see her down. On a good note though, she is going to school three days a week now and seems to be getting at least a little more acclimated.
Tyler tracked back into school this week, he is struggling to get back into a routine, but is genuinely excited to be back which is way cool. On his first day I even got him to wear his Sperry's (so cute) without to much of an ordeal (he just wants to wear his sneakers).
Isabella is still happy happy. Growing by the minute too. Oh, and I must say, she is still Daddy's girl, but I have earned some points!!
John and I are good too. Things at both of our jobs are really busy. We do have some things going on, we have had some challenges presented to us, but I am praying God sees us through. It is hard to ever see John down, he never is, that alone takes a huge toll. He is the family cheer leader, and he just isn't there right now. He is down but not defeated, so my job is to not let him go there. Tough feat. For all you married folks out there, I think you know where I am coming from. If one part of the boat is sinking, eventually the entire ship goes down, we CANT let that happen. :) At least John and I are anchored down well as a "unit" so to speak, so only good things can come from there if we can work together to keep it that way--and we can.
Yesterday was Emily's Birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU EM!!! Love ya!

That’s it for now, but hopefully more later.
Love, V

In a BAD Mood!

2008-08-22T11:25:00.010-04:00

Argh, I wish this day could have ended the moment it started.
Running late.....yes. Tired.......yes. Bella up all night......you got it. Work crazy as soon as you walk in.......of course! Laundry piled up to my a&&......yep. House a mess.......just a bit.

I haven't really been in this foul of a mood in a long time. Even with three kids, work and PMS, I have been quite proud of myself, but today has been the frustrating exception. This week it has been creeping up on me. I know, I know, we are all allowed right.

Now, I always rave about my hubby, and with good reason. He is sooo G-R-E-A-T in a ton of ways but sometimes, sometimes, well.......you know -- I just hate to complain because he does so much. You heard that "but" coming didn't ya. Not like me to complain on this blog of mine, never really have, but what the hell, it is "my notebook" after all. My own little space and quite frankly, I don't have any damn space of my own these days. I mean, even to go pee it is an exhibition of sorts when you have kids. I haven't had a shower alone in about 4 1/2 years.

Tell me this though................who the heck goes to a store in the morning with someone in the car with them...........gets down without asking if they want something..........then proceeds to come back in with a fairly large bag (big enough that you know there is more than one serving of something in it) and still doest even offer something? Guess what, John does, and to his wife at that! Sure there were two in there, muffins that is, for breakfast, but well it was for him and his co-worker. A co-worker that is very nice, that's not the issue. He just didn't even ask. Well OK then. He and his office mate can have at it. Gees, if I pull out even a stick of gum in a public area I feel compelled to ask the person directly near me if they want one, but apparently that must be just me.

Sorry, just rubbed me the wrong way. Is it really just me? Does anyone else even kind of get it? My honey may email me now, or leave some sort of comment that says something along the lines of "I am so sorry baby but you never want one so I just didn't ask" whatever, not the point is it? Granted, he would be right, no I never want one, but I mean, I do believe they offer more than just nasty strawberry muffins at this place do they not?

In the whole scheme of things this is quite petty, but it is just one of those days.

Hope your days is better than mine. Have a good weekend! I am just a tad out of sorts, but my heart is happy and full.

Love ya,
V

PS I am wearing my oh so cute white tunic today. I completely proceed with caution when wearing it, especially in the morning before I leave home in an attempt to not get pee, food, or spit up or what have you on it. Well the shirt is now sporting a radient shade of red ketchup on it. Looks very stylish. Gotta love bad days. ;)

Summer Fun!!

2008-08-21T15:43:00.005-04:00

It is amazing how fast the summer is going.

Too bad it will be over before we know it.

Here are some pictures of our Summer 2008.

FUN TIMES!!

American Pie

2008-08-21T14:26:00.002-04:00

Genesis loves cameras and pictures.

She loves to take pictures of everything and she loves to be in pictures too.

Out of nowhere she will tell me that she wants to do a "photo shoot".

Here is her "shoot" from July 4th.

I think it is quite entertaining.

If you make the slide bigger and check out the pics I am sure you will chuckle.

August Shout-Outs!!

2008-08-14T16:15:00.008-04:00

Ha, I always wanted to say that ;). August is a great big happy month........

8/6 Gen's BDay!! We took her to a kid spa and she loooved it!! I will post some pics and details soon.
8/7 Isabella had her hip appointment annnnd, she is GREAT!!! SO HAPPY!!!
8/9 Gen's PAARTY! She had a great time, pics to follow soon!
8/15 Happy Happy Birthday to our sweet friend Meagan!!! Have fun at the Fearrington, can't wait to hear all about it!
8/25 Happy Birthday to Chris!! Chris, please think of something that you want!! No Gianna is NOT invited to the party, sorry! Meagan says absolutely not.
8/31 Could there be anymore birthdays? Happy Birthday to our great friend Ryan! We know how you party though so we know it will be awesome!
8/31 Last but far from least, Happy Birthday to my little brother Matthew!! I can't believe you are getting so old, you are no where close to me though, so enjoy. Love ya!
Mom, I know you are feeling terrible this month. Hang in there, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope that you do too. You are so great to us, I hope you get better so soon. We are here for you and love you with all our hearts.
John, it has been quite the month, I love you so much! I have the greatest husband ever. THANKS!
Labor Day here we come!! :)